


The Heart Is The Easiest Thing To Break

by DayDreamingIsMyHobby



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Relationships, Craig/Tweek but they're side characters, Drama, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Romance, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 54,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22379641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DayDreamingIsMyHobby/pseuds/DayDreamingIsMyHobby
Summary: Stan Marsh was 12 years old when he told himself there was no way he was in love with his best friend.He was 15 when he finally gave in and admitted his feelings to himself.He was 17 when he realized he couldn't keep the secret any longer.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh
Comments: 190
Kudos: 265





	1. Chapter 1

Stan Marsh's calloused fingers danced across the beat up guitar strings with little effort. A memory of a melody bursting from the instrument as he softly hummed along.

He paid no attention to the thick snowflakes that were beginning to fall outside, nor did he spare a thought to the hours of homework he had carelessly tossed to the side. He was lost in the music and he had no plans of finding his way out anytime soon.

He was truly in his element when he was playing his guitar. He could sit there in the peace of his bedroom with only the music to keep him company for hours, and he had his heart set on doing just that for the rest of the evening. At least that was the plan until his deep trance was broken by a familiar bell sound coming from his cell phone that lay forgotten on his pillow.

A mild frustration breezed through him at the interruption. He toyed with the idea of ignoring it and remaining in his own little world for a little while longer, but his curiosity got the better of him. Slowly and unwillingly he opened his tightly shut eye lids and glanced down.

His momentary annoyance was wiped away immediately and a warm, giddy feeling filled him as he saw his best friend Kyle's name flash across the screen. The music quickly forgotten as he scooped up his phone to read the message.

 **Kyle Broflovski:** _Hey dude, how far along are you in that book report?_

Stan’s giddy smile faded only slightly as he racked his brain trying to remember what report Kyle could possibly be talking about. Too eager to respond, he gave up after a mere minute of contemplation.

 **Stan Marsh:** _And what book report was that again?_

He could almost hear Kyle’s frustrated sigh as he watched those angry little dots pop up indicating he was forming his, likely, annoyed response.

 **Kyle Broflovski:** _…The Scarlett Letter, Stan. The report is due on Friday. You haven’t even read the book yet have you?_

**Stan Marsh:** _I haven’t even looked at the cover yet._

As he waited for his response Stan couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. He knew his studies had taken a back seat the past couple of years. He once was a much better student and truly cared about his grades but something switched when he hit high school.

He got lazy and it felt almost pointless to try. He had no idea what he wanted to major in and he didn’t have any specific career goals. All he knew was whatever he ended up doing, it was something he could figure out at one of the fine state or community colleges Colorado had to offer. 

When it came down to it, he supposed part of him never truly thought a time would come when he and all his friends would actually grow up and leave South Park. It wasn’t always his favorite place, but it was home and the people around him, blood or not, were his family. Leaving them behind just didn’t seem possible. 

Maybe he was scared to face that reality, even if he refused to admit it. Avoiding school work seemed to be the only way he could pretend the future wasn’t so close.

That being the case, he was very lucky that, despite his lack of effort, his grades weren’t terrible. He got mostly Cs with a few Bs thrown in the mix. Although he couldn’t credit himself to those average grades. It was mostly Kyle coming to his rescue more often than not. His stubborn, hard working friend who refused to let him fail no matter what.

The guilt came back along with a nervous flutter knowing how pissed Kyle had to be at him. He hesitantly glanced back down and saw there was still no response, making his stomach turn slightly. He stared unblinking at the screen while he subconsciously held his breath until a new message finally came through.

 **Kyle Broflovski:** _Are you home?_

Stan quickly responded that he was.

 **Kyle Broflovski:** _I’m coming over and I’m bringing the book._

A burst of excited energy coursed through Stan as he read the text. Knowing how close in proximity their homes were and how prompt Kyle always was, he knew he would be here in 10 minutes or less.

Stan jumped from his bed and darted towards his full length mirror to give himself a quick once over.

He looked no better or worse than he normally did so there was little to change but he readjusted his red poof ball hat and did his best to neaten out the thick amounts of black hair beneath it. There was only so much he could do with the unruly mop but it would have to do. He doubted Kyle would care anyways… But still…. He couldn’t help but want to look okay.

He tried to remember a time when he didn’t fret over his looks before his best friend Kyle came over. It had been a long time, longer than he cared to admit. 

He use to be able to carelessly blame it on growing up, had convinced himself that it was only natural for a teenage boy to care about his hygiene and what he looked like. But as time went on and he started realizing he wasn’t doing any extra grooming before seeing his other friends, or even before seeing his now ex-girlfriend Wendy… That was when he knew this wasn’t normal behavior.

It was also around this time he started acknowledging it probably wasn’t normal to get as excited as he did to see his best friend.

It wasn’t the expected “it’s good to see you” kind of excitement. More like a butterfly inducing, heart racing, “I’ve waited all day to see you” kind of excitement.

And Kyle was the only person in the entire world who had ever made him feel that way.

So it came to be that right around his 15th birthday he finally admitted to himself that he had undeniably fallen head over heels in love with his best friend. It was easy enough to accept at the time. Lacking any real shock or questioning of himself he realized that it was something his heart had known a lot longer than his brain had. The real problem had been readjusting his behavior.

With this new found knowledge he realized he didn’t know how to act around Kyle anymore and that scared him deeply. His normal touchy feely ways suddenly felt like unspoken confessions, everything he said either came out too fast or he found himself in a state of uncomfortable silence, all the things that were once normal felt confusing and all wrong.

In the end he ended up avoiding him altogether for a while which caused many fights between the two of them and even went as far as them not being on speaking terms for a few weeks. Stan knew then that having Kyle angry at him and not being able to talk to him everyday was more than be could bear. So when they finally made up, he decided that he would keep his secret to himself, at least for now.

Over the past two years since that decision, there were countless times he had wanted to tell him, to scream it from the rooftops and let all of South Park, hell, all of the world know the truth. But something inside of him always held him back. He suspected that ‘something’ was fear and doubt because the truth was, he couldn’t tell if Kyle felt the same way.

There were plenty of times that it seemed as if he did. Little moments they shared together that suggested so much more than strictly a close friendship. Touches and hugs that lasted just a little too long, lingering looks and catching eyes from across the room, the way they sat too close together even when there was plenty of room, secret smiles that were shared for only him and no one else.

But those little things weren’t enough for Stan. He knew for every clue that the feelings might be mutual, there were also blatant times that gave him the impression that Kyle only saw them as platonic. Stan would torture himself night and day trying to make sense of Kyle’s words and behavior but it was no use. He knew the only way to find out for sure was to just come out and ask him but he could never find it in himself to do so. His fear far outweighed the possible reward.

He told himself time and time again that if he were ever to tell Kyle his true feelings, he had to be 110% sure that the feelings were mutual. Because if he didn’t feel the same way, Stan didn’t know what he would do. And worse, he feared what Kyle would do, how he would react. Would he hate him? Would it scare him away? The horrifying possibilities filled Stan with so much dread and anxiety that he didn’t even like thinking about it.

After overthinking it far too many times, he had come to terms with the very likely possibility that he would take his secret to the grave. Despite that sounding like a horrendous burden, it was a far better option than losing Kyle completely, which was his worse fear.

This was easier said than done because despite two years of keeping his emotions in check and holding in his deep desires, now, at 17-years-old, it was getting harder and harder to keep this secret to himself.

Stan was startled away from his thoughts when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. A breathy chuckle escaped his lips when he saw it was Kyle calling him;

“Hey, dude.”

“Your doorbell is broken.”

“Just come in.”

“No way, man. That’s rude.” Kyle sounded exasperated.

“My family has known you since before you were born. Just walk in.”

“How hard is it for you to come down here and answer the door?”

Stan grinned, “I’m not coming to get you. So either let yourself in or you can go home and let me fail this book report.”

There was a long pause before he finally heard an angry “fine” and the clicking sound of being hung up on. Stan had to suppress the laughter as he heard the timid sound of the front door being opened and a subtle knocking. Kyle’s voice sounding apprehensive as he announced his arrival before speeding up the stairs and bursting into Stan’s room as if he feared getting caught.

Stan managed to keep his laughter under control but he couldn’t hide his grin as he saw the annoyed expression on his best friend’s face. His burning cheeks almost as red as his hair. He knew he could have easily saved him the embarrassment by meeting him at the door but sometimes he just couldn’t help but give him a hard time.

“Not cool, bro.”

“We've been best friends since we were babies. I think you've earned the right to come over unannounced. Besides I burst into your place without warning all the time.”

“Yeah well, one of us has to be the responsible, polite one, right? Or else it might throw off our balance or something.”

Stan shook his head and collapsed onto his desk chair, the grin still plastered on his face, “Whatever, dude. It’s bad enough you’re making me do homework, I don’t need an etiquette lesson on top of it.”

“It’s due in two days. I can’t believe you haven’t even started.” Kyle dropped his backpack onto Stan’s bed, just missing the various sheets of wrinkled notebook paper scattered about. Kyle raised an eyebrow at the messy display as he reached for one of the sheets which had Stan’s chaotic scribble all over it.

“What are these?”

Stan’s heart stopped and he hastily grabbed the paper from Kyle’s grasp before he had a chance to look at it. When it was safety retrieved, he frantically scooped up the others all the while cursing himself for forgetting about them and not putting them away before he arrived.

“Nothing.” Stan stammered as he shoved them into his closest desk drawer.

“If it’s ‘nothing’ then why are you hiding them?”

Stan searched his brain to come up with a convincing lie but drew a blank. Fully aware of the overwhelming silence as Kyle waited without budging for his answer, he decided the best option would just have to be the truth.

“They’re just some songs I’m working on.”

“You’re writing music again?” Kyle beamed, “That’s awesome, dude.”

“They’re not really good or anything just some lyrics and stuff I jot down as they come to me.”

“Can I hear them?”

Stan frantically shook his head, “No way.”

“Why not?”

 _“Because they’re about you.”_ Stan thought to himself.

Outwardly he merely shrugged at his friend to which he frowned back in response. Feeling bad for not having a better reason for keeping this seemingly small thing from him he sighed and finally gave in a little;

“Maybe when I’m finished with them. Right now they suck. And besides, we should probably get working on that report, right?”

“You’re using homework as a way to change subjects? Wow you really don’t want me hearing your songs.”

Kyle tried to pass it off as a light hearted observation but Stan could still hear the hurt in his voice which only made him feel more guilty.

“I’m just self conscious. I’ll let you listen when I think they’re good. Okay?”

It was a lie, he had absolutely no intention of ever playing one of his love songs to Kyle, but he didn’t need to know that. Stan just hated seeing him look like a puppy that had been kicked in the side and was willing to say just about anything to stop the sad look in his eyes. When Kyle gave him a warm smile he knew that it was well worth the fib.

“I’m sure they’re already good but whatever you say, Stan. I’m just glad you’re working on music again. Although I wish you’d work as hard on your school work as you do on your hobbies.”

Stan rolled his eyes as Kyle pulled the thick book from his bag.

“Okay, Mom.” Stan teased. He extended his hand for the book but Kyle pulled it back just out of his reach.

“I’m just looking out for you, dude. We have to start applying for college in less than a year so your grades need to start improving now.”

“My grades are fine enough to get into any state or community college.”

Kyle furrowed his brow as a look of disappointment appeared to pass briefly over his features but before Stan could be sure, Kyle quickly turned from him to collapse onto his bed. Stan wanted to ask him about his reaction but Kyle had the book open and had already moved on from it before he could;

“I’d have you read it yourself but you’d never finish it in time. I’m a much fast reader so I’ll just read it to you.”

“My own personal audiobook? Sweet.”

Kyle rolled his eyes but couldn’t hide the smirk, “Just make sure you pay attention. I’m not rereading things just because you spaced out or started scrolling through Twitter or something.”

Stan had absolutely no interest in doing anything other than listen and watch Kyle read to him but instead of saying that, he feigned being insulted.

“I’ll leave my phone on the desk so there’s no way I can be distracted. Would that make you happy, Mr. Broflovski?”

Kyle wrinkled his nose, “Gross. Don’t call me that.”

Stan chuckled as he tossed his phone to the side, “Whatever you say, Mr. Broflovski”

Kyle gave him an exaggerated eye roll as Stan came to join him on the bed. He leaned against his headboard and draped his legs over Kyle’s stomach, who made an audible protest but made no attempt at removing his limbs and instead just started reading.

Stan was quite certain the book was long, too wordy, and very boring but the hours seemed to breeze by with Kyle’s smooth reading skills and the way his inflections made the story sound at least some what captivating. And beyond that, it didn’t matter how boring the book was, Stan was perfectly content having an excuse to do nothing but stare at Kyle for a few hours with no interruptions.

At some point, around halfway through the book, Kyle had readjusted to get more comfortable. Finding a decent position for two teen boys on one twin bed was no easy task so he finally settled on laying a pillow in Stan’s lap and resting his head there.

He claimed it would help Stan focus better being that close to him but Stan found it to be much harder, realizing more than once he caught himself watching Kyle’s mouth move instead of listening to the words coming from his lips.

His mind frequently drifting to thoughts of what it would be like to touch those lips with his own. His daydreams extending to wondering what Kyle would do if he leaned down right now and left a feathery soft kiss on his mouth, something gentle enough that left the invitation open for him to deepen it. But before any one of those fantasies could get too far, he snapped himself back to attention with Kyle being completely unawares.

He was lucky his friend was so intelligent. He was even luckier that his friend was the most oblivious person in the world.

The sun was just starting to set as Kyle finished the last page and gently snapped the book shut. He gazed up at Stan’s sleepy face with a victorious grin.

“See? That wasn’t so bad!”

“That book sucked.”

Kyle shot up from Stan’s lap and stared at his best friend as if he had just personally insulted his masterpiece, “What? It does not! It’s a classic!”

“Black and white movies are considered classics but they still suck.”

“What?!” Kyle snapped before going into a rant about how important and special classic literature and film was.

Stan tried but failed to hide his smirk as he nodded along to Kyle’s many points. He knew it drove him crazy, but he loved teasing Kyle just enough to get on his nerves. His fiery temper never failed to make him laugh, and he hated to admit it but, he found angry Kyle adorable. Especially when he got angry about things he was passionate about.

“Anyways…” Kyle finally conceded. “You now no longer have an excuse not to get this report done. You have tonight and all tomorrow so get on it.”

“Thanks, dude. I owe you one.” It was then that Stan remembered the exciting bit of news he had yet to tell him, “Oh actually! Do you want a ride to school tomorrow? My Dad and I finally finished working on that old truck my Uncle Jimbo let me have! I can actually drive it now.”

“No way, dude that’s awesome!” Kyle grinned. “You’re so lucky.”

“Yeah. Sucks your Mom won’t let you go for your license until you turn 18.”

“Yeah an entire year and three months.” Kyle sighed and shrugged, “I suppose I’m lucky I have a best friend with a license and now a car to use and abuse while I wait.”

“Fuck yeah, dude! So want me to pick you up?”

“Yeah thanks, man.” Kyle smiled at him as he packed up his stuff. “I should get going. Mom made a big deal about dinner tonight and she’s already going to be pissed that I’m late.”

Stan could only nod in return. The usual gloom settling over him that always came whenever Kyle had to leave. He knew it was selfish and borderline obsessive, but if he had it his way, Kyle would never have to leave his side.

“See you in the morning, Stan.”

He gave a small smile and a wave as he slipped out the door. Stan kept his eyes on him until the very last bit of his frame had disappeared and even then he didn’t move. Frozen in place, the only sound he could hear was the drumming of his heart in his chest. A chaotic mix of emotions ran through him as he finally found the ability to move his feet only to moments later collapse on the bed they had shared for the afternoon.

He knew there were a million things he really should be doing. That book report for one, offering to help his mother with the dinner he could smell already being prepared, anything besides lying there replaying the afternoon over in his head.

There wasn’t anything special or out of the ordinary about the time they had spent together but that didn’t matter much to Stan. For him, any time spent with Kyle was worth rewatching in his mind’s eye.

The way he crinkled his nose, his eyes lighting up when he smiled, the comfortability between the two of them that was undeniable, the way his head seemed to fit perfectly in his lap, and how even a few hours reading a stuffy book felt like a better time spent with him than all the experiences he’d had with any other person in his life. Just for the simple fact that they were spent with him.

Stan groaned as he looked up the ceiling of his bedroom, his eyes tracing over the faint cracks and chips in the paint.

He had it bad for his best friend, real bad. And if he didn’t tell someone soon, it was only a matter of time before the secret burst out of him. Stan’s mind lazily wandered to the people in his life and who he could confide in.

Because he certainly couldn’t tell Kyle. He suspected that Kyle wasn’t ready for that kind of news just yet. And the last thing he needed was scaring Kyle away by revealing something like this before he was ready.

Before either of them were ready.

A familiar feeling came over Stan as a soft melody and a stream of words twirled and danced through his mind. Before they could disappear forever, he quickly darted towards the notebook he had shoved in his desk and let the notes and the lyrics pour from his head and onto the sheet of paper.

As he sat in the dimness of his room, filled with joy as the song came together with ease, Stan wished telling Kyle how he felt was as simple as writing him a song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally getting around to writing a fic for my OTP! I've been thinking about this story for awhile so I'm excited to write it.
> 
> Thanks for reading chapter 1! I hope you enjoyed it and stick around for some more!


	2. Chapter 2

Saying his Uncle Jimbo’s truck was old was an understatement… It was damn near ancient.

At least it was compared to the luxuries most modern cars have. Among other things, the aged vehicle didn’t have a usb port to play music or even a CD player. But Stan didn’t care, he was just thrilled to have a set of wheels all his own and to feel some sort of freedom, even if it was limited and even if that freedom cost him every cent he had saved up for the past three years.

Stan smiled over at Kyle as he fumbled with the radio trying to find a station that worked. The signal came in and out but every time something came through the boys sang their hearts out as if it was the greatest song in history.

It may have been an ugly, old car with torn seats and a barely working radio, but as Stan laughed along with his best friend, he knew it was the best thing ever. Part of that had to do with the car, but most of it had to do with his passenger.

Things were just easy with Kyle. Whether it be the effortless conversation or even no conversation at all, the comfortable silence neither of them thought twice about. And from the big things to the meaningless things, they knew just about everything about each other. Kyle knew that Stan took his coffee with, as he put it, too much cream and sugar to actually call it coffee, and Stan knew Kyle took his with only a splash of milk.

Stan sipped at that exact concoction of coffee as he tapped his fingers along to the music. It tasted extra special knowing Kyle had made it for him that morning as his way of saying thanks for the ride to school. It was just another thing that he loved about him, how thoughtful he could be and how he always went out of his way to show his appreciation even when no thanks was ever needed.

When the school building came into view, Stan seriously considered just driving past it so that they could spend the whole day singing along to the static filled radio and talk about everything and nothing at the same time.

"Oh my God. Do you remember this song?”

Kyle's laughing voice broke him from his thoughts. Stan shifted his focus to the music and listened carefully to the lyrics, trying to pull the memory out from somewhere deep within his brain.

"I remember you? Skid Row?"

"Yeah remember Clyde's party over the summer?"

Stan burst into laughter as the flashback came abruptly to the forefront of his mind;

"When he pulled out that old karaoke machine and you were the first one to jump in and you sang this!"

“Yes!”

“I still can’t believe you did that.”

"I was drunk!" Kyle tried to justify as he turned the radio down a little.

"That was your first time ever getting drunk, right?"

"Yeah actually.” Kyle shook his head, “I learned that night that tequila, karaoke, and I do not mix well.”

“I like drunk Kyle,” Stan grinned over at him. “You were hilarious. And you were actually really good at karaoke!”

Kyle shot him a look that clearly said he disagreed and quickly switched to a different focus of conversation, “That whole night was crazy. I'm pretty sure Kenny hooked up with Bebe."

"Oh I know he did because Clyde confronted him at the party."

“What? He did?” Kyle furrowed his brow, “But weren't he and Bebe broken up at the time?"

"Yeah dude but it's Clyde. He's in love with her whether they’re together or not."

"True. So what did he say to Kenny?”

"I don't remember but I know Kenny made a move on him "

Kyle practically spit out his coffee, ”What??"

"Yeah and Clyde totally thought about it."

"He did not!'

"He absolutely did! They didn’t actually do anything, but he thought about it.”

“Is Clyde into guys?”

“Not that I know of but, come on, it's Kenny. Who wouldn't think about it even for a second?"

“Not me.”

Stan pulled into a free parking space as Kyle shook his head fervently and exited the car.

Stan locked the door and hurried to catch up to Kyle as they walked into the building and towards their lockers, which were right next to each other. This fortunate placement was by no coincidence. After some convincing, Kyle had managed to trade lockers with Token Black after promising him he would help him with his AP calculus midterm the previous semester.

Cartman had called him Stan’s co-dependent girlfriend after finding out but Kyle had shrugged it off to Stan’s delight. They didn’t have many classes together so having the opportunity to briefly catch glimpses of him or exchange a few words throughout the day made school a much more pleasant place to be.

When Stan finally caught up to Kyle, he decided to continue to pester him about the topic at hand;

“If you were drunk and Kenny hit on you, you wouldn’t consider it?”

“No way.”

“Not even for a second?”

“Not even for a second.”

Stan scoffed at him as he leaned against his locker, “I don’t believe you.”

Kyle eyed him suspiciously as he pulled out his books and placed them in his bag, “Would you?”

“Yeah.” Stan laughed, “Of course I would.”

Kyle stared at him with his mouth fallen slightly open in surprise, but before he could question him on it, the two’s attention was pulled towards a familiar voice calling out to them from down the school hallway.

“Just when I think you guys are finally playing the bad boy card and ditching school, here you are showing up early! For fucks sake! Have I taught you nothing?”

Stan glanced up to see the overly confident strut of his other closest friend approach. Kenny McCormick pulled down the hood of his orange parka and shook out his messy blonde locks before flashing them a charmingly wide grin that made most people stop and stare.

There was no question that Kenny had grown to be a much more attractive boy than anyone was expecting, and his natural charisma and flirty personality certainly didn’t hurt. He had a bad boy attitude with a good heart which, under most circumstances, would have granted him the luxury of being with anyone he wanted, but he also had a bad reputation which had incidentally branded undatable. But that little fact didn’t stop the lingering looks or the occasional drunken hook up. Which in reality was exactly what Kenny liked best.

Stan smirked as he watched Kenny approach, muttering under his breath before he got close enough to hear them;

“Still wouldn’t consider it? Not even for a second?”

“Okay.” Kyle shot him a reluctant glance, careful to keep his voice low. “Maybe for half a second.”

Stan chuckled as Kenny stepped in front of the two, the boy giving them both a once over before leaning back against the lockers, crossing his arms over his chest as he did so.

“You two look way too happy for a couple of people who missed the bus this morning. Any particular reason you were running late?” Kenny gave them a wink that Kyle missed and Stan ignored.

“Didn’t miss the bus. I finally got that truck running. We took it for a test drive to school today.”

“No way man that’s sick!” Kenny’s grin slowly faded as a memory trickled back to mind, “I guess I should warn you that Cartman also has a new car.”

“What? Since when?”

“I guess his Mom gave it to him for an early birthday gift.”

“His birthday isn’t until July!” Kyle snapped, slamming his locker shut for added effect.

“A very early birthday gift.” Kenny shrugged, “I’m sure he cried and whined in his normal Cartman way until he got it. I guess it’s some fancy sports car. Sorry I had to be the one to tell you, Stan.”

“Whatever.” Stan carelessly shrugged it off, “It’s only a matter of time before he can’t fit through the doors of it anymore.”

A burst of laughter erupted from Kyle which made Stan subconsciously turn and beam at the red head, feeling pleased with himself that he could be the one to make him laugh like that.

“Good attitude.” Kenny slapped him on the back, “Just keep that in mind when you hear him bragging about it all day. Because you know he will.”

“Doesn’t bother me at all.” Stan shrugged and he meant it. His car had something Cartman’s didn’t and that was Kyle as a shotgun passenger, and he wouldn’t trade all the special features or pristine paint jobs in the world for that.

It was then that Kyle checked his wrist watch and quickly muttered his ‘see you laters’ before shuffling off to class. Stan couldn’t take his eyes off of him until he was out of sight. His attention only breaking when he heard Kenny dramatically clear his throat from behind him. He begged his face not to show his embarrassment as he turned back to him. But just in case it did, Stan quickly tried to change the subject before Kenny had a chance to call attention to it;

“Sorry I didn’t offer to bring you to school today. I wasn’t thinking.”

“All good my man. I’m sure you wanted to share that special moment just between you and Kyle. I wouldn’t want to kill that romantic scene by being the third wheel.”

Stan was used to Kenny’s teasing him about how close he and Kyle were. He had done it for a few years now but knew it was all in good fun. Stan would always roll his eyes or try to laugh it off but for some reason he couldn’t will his body to do that today.

He tried to say something back, anything to keep the joke going, to prevent any suspicion, but it was as if his brain and will power had given up. After years of denying his feelings and then two years of holding it all in, Stan was officially exhausted of trying so hard to keep up the “strictly super best friends” act.

A panic settled over him as the sudden need to confess the truth started building inside of him, threatening to spill from his tongue with the smallest push.

“What?” Kenny chuckled, “Not going to try and punch me in the shoulder like you usually do? No snarky remarks? Did I finally break you, Stanley?”

Stan couldn’t tell if he couldn’t breath or if he was purposefully holding his breath to prevent the confession from inevitably spilling from him like an overflowing sink. He could hear the blood rushing in his ears as his brain and heart argued back and forth over this opportunity to finally let go of this secret he had been keeping for far too long.

Kenny’s grin fell as he took in Stan’s panicked facial features, “Dude, you okay?”

All at once, a strange calm began to settle over Stan as he took a breath and really considered the possibility of telling him. He needed to get this secret out, it was getting practically impossible to hide and he knew it would be good to have someone to confide in. But Kenny?

Stan trusted the boy with his life but he also knew that he was reckless and shameless and had absolutely no idea how he would react to something like this. Sure he had joked about Stan and Kyle being a couple for years, but how would he feel knowing there actually was romantic feelings involved?

Internally shaking the doubt from him head, Stan finally opened his mouth to speak;

“I have to tell you something.”

Kenny’s eyes widened, “What’s going on, Stan? You… You look weird.”

Stan tried to form the right way to say his deepest secret to his fearful looking friend but before he found the courage, the sharp ringing of the school bell shot right through to his chest sending him back into his paranoid state and, with it, filled him back up with his previous concerns and doubts. 

An irrational fear consumed him that left his throat dry and his jaw locked shot. Emotionally paralyzed by his anxiety, Stan all at once changed his mind about the entire thing. Unable to speak he quickly shook his head and sprinted off to class leaving a dumbfounded Kenny standing there in the midsts of a sea of students.

Stan’s heart pounded in his ears as he rushed to class. Breezing past teachers and oblivious to the few classmates he crashed into, Stan only wanted the safety of a quiet classroom where no one would question him about the things hidden in the deepest part of his soul.

With that one focus on his mind, he hardly noticed the consistent buzzing in his back pocket. It was only once he was at his desk and most of his nerves had dissipated that he finally felt the angry vibration. Pulling his phone from his jeans, his stomach turned instantly when he saw Kenny’s name and number flashing across the screen.

He couldn’t blame him for calling, he easily had to be wondering what the hell that was all about, but Stan no longer felt confident or courageous. So with only a momentary passing of guilt, he swiftly shoved the phone into his backpack.

Kenny continued to call and text him all day and Stan continued to ignore him. He even managed to slip past Kenny during the lunch hour despite their long standing arrangement to always sit together. He caught brief glimpses of the growing pile of worried texts from him but refused to message him back.

Stan felt terrible about blowing him off but he didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t lie, Kenny would call him out on his bullshit right away. But he didn’t want to tell him the truth either. Because he knew one more person knowing brought him one step closer to telling Kyle and Stan had every excuse in the book as to why he couldn’t do that just yet.

Stan wasn’t stupid, he knew he couldn’t avoid Kenny forever, but he decided he would cross that bridge when he came to it. And his plan now was to take as long a route around that bridge as he could.

Stan eyed the clock as the school day began to draw to a close. The hands of the clock ticking at what felt like double speed. Running out of time to come up with a plan to get out of the school without seeing Kenny, he contemplated his options and finally decided on making a dash for his truck. It was childish and cowardly but at this point he didn’t care.

So when the final bell of the day rang, Stan jumped from his desk and sped walked out the door and through the halls before most of the other students had even managed to exit their classrooms.

In record time, the main doors were in sight but before he could take a breath of relief, he heard an annoyed voice echo through the empty halls;

“You asshole. I knew you would try to sneak out.”

Stan groaned and stopped in his tracks. He had been caught.

He slowly turned around to find a cross armed Kenny standing directly behind him, his light blue eyes narrowed and staring him down. Before he had time to make an excuse or maybe try to run for it, Kenny stormed forward and grabbed a fist full of his jacket, pulling him close to his face.

“What the actual fuck, Stan! You scare the hell out of me looking all white as a ghost and saying you need to tell me something… Then you run off and ignore me all day? What the hell is wrong with you?”

Kenny sounded harsh but the concern was so apparent in his voice that Stan felt more guilt than anything. He opened his mouth to speak but still couldn’t find the right words.

Telling him the truth and indirectly confessing his life long secret just didn’t seem like something you blurt out in the middle of a school hallway with prying eyes and open ears. People in small towns were always looking for something to talk about and Stan really didn’t want this to be the flavor of the week.

Kenny’s stern face melted after another moment or two of silence and he sighed as he released his grip on Stan’s jacket.

“I’m sorry. You just had me worried all God damn day and that fear just kept building and building. I kept thinking the worse. What is going on?”

Stan still couldn’t get his mouth to work even for a lie which was rapidly turning Kenny’s mood foul again.

“Look I'm about 60 seconds from being stupid late for work so can you please at least tell me if you're alright? Tell me you’re not sick or dying or something? Please?”

 _“Just say it.”_ Stan thought to himself, _“It’s just Kenny. He’ll understand, he won’t tell, just do it.”_

His voice still refused to obey as the two boys continued to stare each other down in silence. A mix of fear and concern pouring from their gazes as they waited for the other to finally break.

Realizing he wasn’t getting anywhere, Kenny shook his head and let out an agitated sigh. He shoved his hands in his pockets and turned from Stan. He called over his shoulder in a weak attempt at a threat as he took his first steps away from the frozen teen;

“If you are dying and you didn't tell me…I’ll kill you myself.”

It was as if he was watching his opportunity slip away forever as an overwhelming need to confess began building within himself. Wanting to reach out and grab it before he lost all strength again, Stan shut his eyes tightly and took a breath as he finally found his voice;

“I think I'm in love with Kyle.”

The silence that followed was piercing and even though Stan was sure only a few seconds had passed, it felt like an eternity. Kenny turned around slowly and faced him, a mix of surprise and wary anticipation playing on his features.

“What?”

Reality setting in that this might have been a huge mistake, Stan’s flight instincts kicked in and he turned to flee. He hadn’t even made it a single step before he felt a firm grip on the back of his jacket pulling him back around.

“Abso-fucking-lutely not are you running off after leaving me with that cliff hanger.” Kenny spat out, “Dude… Are you serious right now?”

It was as if years of bottling up all his thoughts and emotions finally exploded out out of him like a shaken can of soda. He quickly became a flustered mess of words pouring out of him before he had time to process what he was even saying. He knew he wasn’t making sense but he couldn’t stop himself until Kenny finally put a tender hand on his shoulder;

“Stan, I really want to stay and talk about this. In fact, we need to talk about this but if I'm late for work again I'm going to get fired and you know I can't let that happen.”

Stan made a movement to nod but was stopped when Kenny placed his hands on either side of his face and leaned closer to keep his next words between them.

“If this is true, and you're really in love with…”

Despite his low volume, Stan quickly shushed him. Kenny continued on with a joyful grin;

“I want you to know I'm so happy and so fucking proud of you.”

In an instant, all of Stan’s anxiety, his fear, the overwhelming pressure in his chest, vanished and was replaced with a warm feeling of fondness for his exuberant friend. Stan returned his goofy smile with a breathy laugh and a smile of his own. And they stood like that just smiling at each other, Kenny still holding his face far too close to his own for another moment until Kenny playfully pulled Stan’s beanie cap over his eyes and darted off.

Stan laughed and lifted his hat in time to see Kenny’s retreating form as he called over his shoulder;

“I get off at 7:00. We'll talk then!”

Stan was filled with a sudden high energy and an almost light feeling. It was as if this secret had sat like a giant stone in his chest and releasing it had finally set him free. In that moment, Stan actually felt like he could fly.

The adrenaline running through his system caused him to jump almost a foot in the air when he heard an unexpected voice come from behind him;

“Uh, dude?”

Stan whipped around and found himself face to face with a bewildered looking Kyle who seemed to be examining his excited face with suspicion.

“What the hell was that?”

Stan’s high immediately crashed and was replaced with uneasy tension and a sick feeling in his gut at his friend’s question. The unsettling possibility that he had overheard his confession caused his next words to come out in a nervous stutter;

“What the hell was what? What are you talking about?”

Kyle raised an eyebrow at his flustered friend, “You and Kenny? You guys had… Like a moment or something?”

Realizing he hadn’t heard their conversation sent a course of relief to flood through his veins. But realizing a little too late that Kyle was still waiting for an answer, it caused his words to still sound shaky and insincere;

“Oh yeah. That. It was nothing.”

Stan paused but Kyle didn’t look convinced. Racking his brain he desperately tried to come up with a convincing lie but his mind was mush after going from far too high to far too low in under 15 seconds. He decided his best option was to simply turn the tables.

“Kenny had to tell me something. It was personal. I can’t say more than that.”

Kyle looked as if he wanted to argue or question him further but, to Stan’s relief, thought better of it.

“Whatever dude.” Kyle shook his head and began walking through the doors and towards the truck with Stan following close behind. “It looked like you guys were about to make out or something.”

Stan’s surprise came out in a laugh, “What? No way, dude. That would be crazy.”

“I don’t know how crazy it would be.” Kyle shrugged, “I’m pretty sure Kenny has made it his personal mission in life to make out with every single person in South Park.”

Stan rolled his eyes and hopped into the driver side of his truck and quickly turned all the heat settings to the highest level.

“Well rest assured, I was not about to make out with Kenny.”

“Make out with whoever you want. I don’t care.”

It was impossible to miss the annoyed tone in Kyle’s voice. Stan gave him a wary look before pulling out of the parking lot.

“You alright?”

“Yeah. I just…” Kyle paused for a beat, “I just don’t get why Kenny would confide in just you and not me. I’m his friend too.”

Stan swallowed down his pang of guilt, “I’m sure he had his reasons.”

“I guess.”

Stan drummed his hands awkwardly against the wheel as he tried to come up with something more to say but an uncomfortable air had settled around them and it was hard to break out of it.

He didn’t like Kyle’s reaction. Stan knew he could be sensitive at times and didn’t like being left out but this was a whole new level for him. It made Stan nervous about how he would react to something way bigger.

If he was acting this moody just because he thought a friend was keeping something from him, how would he react when he found out that something was that his best friend had been harboring feelings for him for years?

His momentary giddiness over finally telling someone was sucked away and replaced with a nagging feeling of dread.

He deeply regretted telling Kenny and as the bitter silence continued on Stan’s thoughts ran wild. He thought of all the people Kenny would come into contact with at work, of all the people he probably had already come into contact with. He had always known Kenny to be a vault when it came to secrets but this was different. 

A rush of hot panic burst throughout Stan’s insides as he replayed the brief conversation in his head and it occurred to him that he never specified it was a secret, at least not entirely. Stan thought it went without saying, but now he wasn’t so sure. He felt a cold sweat break out on the back of his neck and it felt as if there wasn’t enough air getting into his lungs.

There was absolutely no way he could wait until 7:00. He needed to go see Kenny immediately.

“I’m sorry, Stan.” Kyle finally let out a breath. “I don’t know why I just took that out on you. I don’t even know why it bugged me so much. Maybe I have a lot on my mind.”

Stan tried to smile over at him but his racing thoughts kept him tense.

“It’s cool, dude.”

“Want to come over? Play video games or something?”

“I.. uh…”

Stan wanted to, wanted more than anything to spend the evening with Kyle. But his rising anxiety was telling him he needed to see Kenny as soon as humanly possible or he was at risk of having a serious panic attack. So he shook his head while keeping his eyes on the road.

“I can’t. Sorry. I have to be somewhere.”

“Oh.”

“Maybe after?”

“Alright.”

Stan pulled up to Kyle’s house with a pit in his stomach. He felt like a terrible friend. In 24 hours time he had lied to him not once, not twice, but three times now. He hated it with every fiber of his being, but what other choice did he have?

“Thanks for the ride. Text me later if you’re free.”

Stan tried to put on a cheerful smile and ignore the subtle disappointment in his voice as Kyle waved him goodbye and headed towards his house. The fake grin felt stilted and painful but he kept it on until he saw the door shut behind him.

The second he was clear, Stan spun the truck out of the driveway and sped down the street with no intention of stopping until he reached Kenny’s workplace…

Tweek Bros Coffee.


	3. Chapter 3

The bitter smell of coffee and freshly baked pastries hit Stan’s nose the moment he stepped through the doors of Tweek Bros Coffee. The family run coffee shop was moderately busy for a Thursday afternoon which Stan was very pleased to see.

He hardly ever came by these days but he was glad to know that the Tweak’s family business was still going strong after all these years. Stan was especially glad of this since the Tweaks had given Kenny a job. Which was something he and his family desperately relied on.

As Stan glanced around looking for Kenny, he was pleasantly surprised to see that it appeared that the coffee shop was not only going strong but doing exceptionally well for themselves. The location had expanded since the last time he had been there. Many more tables and booths had been added, there was a small stage where a man with an acoustic guitar was setting up, and there was a nice sized counter with comfortable looking stools near the coffee bean grinders.

It was at that very counter that Stan spotted a familiar boy aimlessly scrolling through his phone. He appeared to be hyper focused on the device but the vacant expression and the robotic way his thumb skimmed over the screen made it apparent that he wasn’t actually paying any attention to what he was looking at. Despite his tense shoulders, his position looked relaxed with one long leg up on the stool directly next to him and a hand resting on top of his blue chullo hat.

“Hey, Craig.” Stan greeted as he approached. “What are you doing here?”

The teen barely lifted his eyes from his phone screen to acknowledge the other boy.

“Waiting for Tweek’s shift to end.”

“Isn’t he here until close?”

“Yeah. So?”

“Just seems like a waste to sit around and wait that long.” Stan shrugged at him even though Craig didn’t notice the gesture with his eyes still glued to his phone screen.

Stan waited a beat for him to respond but when he realized he was being ignored, he rolled his eyes and made a move to look around for Kenny. His search didn’t last very long at all before he heard his flirty voice coming from behind the counter.

“Jesus Tweek. Anyone ever tell you how cute you look when you’re making latte art? If I didn’t have the pleasure of working with you everyday anyways, I would pay just to come here and watch you.”

Craig’s eyes immediately darted up upon hearing Kenny’s comment. Stan could feel the heat of his fury coming off of him as he watched Kenny lean in far too close to Tweek as he worked diligently on his coffee creation.

Stan redirected his attention and saw Tweek actively ignoring his comment and the accompanying coy grin. Though Tweek’s brows were furrowed in a way that made it hard to conceal his annoyance, Stan was impressed that the normally easily provoked boy was almost unfazed but Kenny’s disruptive ways.

Craig on the other hand looked like he was about ready to murder Kenny. His look darkening even further as Kenny caught his death stare and moved from Tweek towards the two of them. He leaned his elbows on the counter and gave Craig a wink;

“Can I get you anything, Craig?”

“Get the fuck away from me, McCormick.”

“Suit yourself.” Kenny smirked before strutting off to wipe down a recently vacated table.

Stan felt a mixture of impressed by the boldness of his friend and wanting to chastise him for playing such a dangerous game. Everyone knew Craig was fiercely protective of his boyfriend and that Craig, although not one to start a fight, would have absolutely no problem ending someone with little persuasion.

“You don't have to worry about Kenny. You know he does it just to piss you off.”

Stan wasn’t entirely sure whether he said it to try to protect his friend or to try to help make Craig feel better but, whatever the reason, it felt like something he needed to vocalize.

“Not worried about him.” Craig’s eyes left Kenny’s form and drifted over to Stan. “I just don’t like the way he talks to Tweek. Especially when he knows they both have a job to do and how easily stressed Tweek gets. And I want him to see me here so he knows if he ever tries to do anything more than flirt, I'll kill him.”

“He probably wouldn’t do anything at all if you weren’t here.”

Craig opened his mouth to speak but found he had nothing stately enough he could respond back with so instead he shot his eyes back down to his phone, presenting Stan with his middle finger for good measure. All Stan could do in return was roll his eyes at the boy’s halfhearted attempt at pretending not to care;

“Whatever, dude. Just trying to help.”

Stan made his way over to Kenny as he cleared off another table. He quickly glanced around to make sure no one was in direct ear shot before he leaned in close and muttered softly;

“We need to talk.”

“Dude I’m working. I told you we would talk later.”

“I know. But it’s important.”

Kenny raised an eyebrow at him and crossed his arms, “You had _all_ day to talk to me about this and you choose this moment right now? The one time I’m not available? Seriously?”

“Kenny, I really need you right now. Please?”

Kenny’s scowl relaxed at his words and he released a long dramatic sigh.

“I’m overdue for a smoke break anyways.” Kenny shoved the rag in his apron pocket before he glanced back over at the counter. “Oh Tweek, Sweetie? I’m taking five.”

Tweek’s head shot out from behind an espresso machine, daggers flying from his eyes and aiming them at Kenny who only chuckled in response. Stan felt compelled to punch Kenny hard in the arm before giving Tweek a small, apologetic wave and a smile which he warmly returned.

Tweek was a good person and an even better friend. Stan had always slightly regretted that they had grown apart over the past handful of years and never really spent time together outside of school.

He tried to remind himself it was hard considering Tweek spent most of his days either working at his parent’s coffee shop, hanging out with Craig, or giving piano lessons. Still, he supposed he could have put in more of an effort to try.

Stan followed Kenny out into the cool, late afternoon air. He shoved his hands in his pockets for warmth just as Kenny pulled one of his cigarettes from his own.

“Dude are you actually going to smoke right now?”

“Stan, you had all God damn day to talk to me. You are on my time now so just deal with it.”

“It’s not good for you, or the environment.”

“The best things in life aren’t good for you.” Kenny smirked as he lit it up and breathed deep. “And I recycle and don’t use straws so as far as I see it, me and the environment are on good terms.”

“You recycle?”

“Sure. All the paper cups and stuff people leave all over the coffee shop I put it right in the recycling bin. You’re welcome Mother Earth.” Kenny met Stan’s hard look with a shit eating grin before he took another hit off his cigarette and blew the smoke into Stan’s face just to annoy him.

“So, what was so important you couldn’t wait until I got off of work?”

“I guess I just wanted to make sure you knew not to tell anyone…. You know.. The Kyle thing…You are the only person who knows.”

“Awe, Stanley.” Kenny reached over and pinched Stan’s cold cheek, “I’m the first person you’ve told? I feel so honored. And yet so insulted that you thought I would be running around telling everyone your secrets.”

Stan felt the heat rise to his cheeks, the pink color a mix from the painful pinch as well as the undeniable shame that had formed. He trusted Kenny with his life, he had no reason or excuse as to why he would have ever thought he would be anything but trustworthy.

“I don’t know. I just panicked. If Kyle found out through the grapevine that I… Well you know…”

“That you’re in love with him.” Kenny grinned, “You can say it, dude. It’s not a bad thing. It’s awesome.”

“It feels so weird to say out loud after all this time.”

“You’re so cute.” Kenny smirked as he put out his cigarette in the days old snow. “I have to get back to work. So if that’s all you came to say, you can rest assured knowing that I have no intention of revealing your secret to anyone. Even if someone tries to torture it out of me, it’s safe. I promise.”

“Sorry I doubted you, Kenny.”

“It’s cool, man. I get it. It’s a pretty big deal. I probably would have done the same thing.”

Stan smiled at his far too forgiving friend, “You’re the best, dude.”

“I know.” He winked back.

“Oh and one more thing.” Stan jumped in before he could turn away, “Lay off of Tweek.”

Kenny raised an amused eyebrow at him and chuckled, “Why?”

“Because you're pissing Craig off.”

“Good.”

Stan groaned and shook his head at him, “He's going to kill you.”

“I highly doubt he could.”

“And you're probably stressing Tweek out.”

Kenny shrugged, the amused smile still playing on his face. “He's cute when he gets frantic like that.”

“You're such a devious little asshole.”

“Awe. Thanks Stanley.”

Stan rubbed his eyes with his knuckles out of frustration, deciding on one final approach to make him stop;

“Seriously. Just cut it out or you'll be out of a job.”

Kenny’s smug smile finally fell from his face and his light blue eyes lost a little of their mischievous sparkle. “Craig’s really that pissed?”

“It’s Craig, dude. And you’re hitting on his boyfriend of seven years. Of course he’s that pissed.”

“Uhg but fucking with the love birds is the only fun part about this job!” Kenny groaned.

“Do what you want but don't come crying to me when Craig beats the shit out of you and Tweek gets you fired.”

“For fucks sake fine! No one in this town can take a God damn joke.” Kenny shook his head before turning around and heading back towards the coffee shop.

“I’m still coming over later.” Kenny called over his shoulder, “So I’ll see you around 7:30.”

And with that, Kenny disappeared behind the front door before Stan had a chance to tell him otherwise. It was probably for the best, Stan had put him through hell all day, the least he could do was entertain him with the details he was sure he was eager to hear.

It wasn’t until Stan was pulling into his driveway that he remembered that he and Kyle had tentative plans that he would now have to break. Stan hesitantly pulled out his phone and stared at the blank text box for far too long trying to will his fingers to type the words he didn’t want to say.

**Stan Marsh:** Hey dude. Something came up so I can’t hang out tonight. Sorry. Pick you up for school again tomorrow?

Stan anxiously stared at his phone screen for what felt like forever as he watched the little typing bubbles appear and disappear three times before he finally got a response.

**Kyle Broflovski:** No big deal. Yeah, definitely. Want me to make us coffee again?

**Stan Marsh:** I mean it’s the least you could do since I’m giving you a free ride.

**Kyle Broflovski:** Asshole. I’ll remind you of that next time you want me to do your homework.

Stan smiled to himself as he read the reply. He knew what Kyle’s response would be before he even sent it and he loved that. Things were just easy with Kyle and yet even the simplest things made life exciting. Stan wouldn’t want that to change for anything in the world.

That’s why despite how much his heart and his head were screaming out to tell him how he felt, he still held back.

Because losing him was his biggest fear.

***

Stan could come up with around a thousand things he should be doing that evening, but rather than doing a single one of those tasks, he found himself instead aimlessly spinning around his desk chair staring up at his ceiling. His thoughts bouncing back and forth between Kyle and how badly his room needed a paint job. It was during those deep thoughts that Kenny unexpectedly burst through his bedroom door with an exuberant greeting, startling him enough to physically jump.

“Jesus Christ, Dude!”

“What? A guy can’t make an entrance?”

“Maybe a little bit of warning would be nice next time.”

“I said 7:30.” Kenny pulled out his phone and flashed it at Stan showing him the digital clock time, “It is 7:31. That is all the warning I was obligated to give. But I’ll make it up to you. I have a surprise.”

Kenny grinned and wiggled his eyebrows before pulling out a bottle of whiskey from inside his jacket.

“Where the hell did you get that?”

“The homeless guy that sells liquor to underaged kids owed me a favor. I cashed in.” Kenny shrugged while maintaining his grin.

“He owed you a favor? What the hell did you do, Kenny?”

“Dude, you don’t want to know.”

He twisted the cap off with a flick of his finger and took a swig before passing the bottle over to Stan who took it with some hesitation.

“I don’t know. It’s a school night.”

“When has that stopped you before? And besides, we’re celebrating!” Kenny rolled his eyes when Stan didn’t respond. “Don’t be a wimp, Stanley. I know you can handle your liquor.”

Kenny flashed him a toothy smile when Stan chuckled and finally took a drink from the bottle.

“Attaboy!” Kenny grabbed the bottle back and collapsed onto his bed, making himself too comfortable by sprawling out, “So back to business. I have so many questions.”

Stan groaned and pressed his palms against his eye lids, “I’m already regretting telling you.”

“Fuck off. If you were going to tell anyone, I was easily your best option. And honestly, I'm pissed you didn't tell me sooner.”

Stan rolled his eyes and reached back out for the bottle of liquid courage, taking a hearty sip before speaking again.

“Alright…Fair enough. What are your questions?”

Kenny stretched and placed his hands behind his head before diving into his surprisingly short list of questions. He ended up spending the majority of time listening intently to Stan’s gushing and often jumping in with his own overly enthusiastic comments.

Stan started out feeling awkward and uncomfortable with spilling his soul to Kenny but with his wide eyed friend looking and speaking with such genuine excitement for him, he very quickly welcomed a new feeling of jubilance and eagerness to tell him more.

He wasn’t entirely sure if it was the alcohol making him feel that elated energy or just the relief of finally being able to talk about it, but he didn’t put too much thought into it as the words spilled from his lips without holding back as he relished in Kenny’s enthusiastic responses.

As the minutes turned into hours, Stan did in fact come to regret not telling Kenny sooner, he should have known his loyal, dependable and genuinely kind friend would have been supportive.

“You seem more excited about this than I am.” Stan chuckled.

“Dude I've been secretly rooting for you two since we were kids!”

“You've known that long?”

“Sort of? You guys have always been closer than normal best friends. I just got a soul mates vibe from you two. And now here we are half way there!”

Stan rolled his eyes, “You're crazy.”

“I’ll be honest, I'm a little devastated you chose Kyle over me but who am I to stand it the way of true love?”

“Do you ever get sick of shamelessly flirting with anything with a pulse?”

“The heart wants what the heart wants, Stanley.” Kenny smirked at him seductively as he took another long sip from the bottle. “So when are you going to tell him?”

Kenny wiped the remains of whiskey from his lips as he handed the half empty bottle back to Stan. Catching it with ease when Stan’s fingers stumbled and missed it, almost allowing it to crash to the floor.

“Probably never.”

“Dude, what? You have to tell him!”

“Says who?”

“Says… Well me.” Kenny lazily slid himself from the bed to sit on the floor, “And the universe. And fate. And every sappy romantic comedy ever created.”

Stan rapidly shook his head which caused his vision to blur and small specs of light to flash across his vision. Realizing the alcohol was starting to affect him more than he thought, he decided against taking another sip and placed the bottle on his desk;

“If the universe and fate want him to know then it’ll just happen.”

“Stanley… Just no. That’s not how it works. You have to tell him.”

“I can’t.”

“And why the fuck not?”

Stan paused and self consciously pulled at his beanie cap, forcing it down to cover most of his forehead. His voice lowering to practically a whisper when he finally spoke again;

“What if he doesn’t feel the same way?”

“He totally does.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Sure I do. I knew you liked him, didn’t I? If I was right about that then you can practically guarantee I’m right about this.”

“What’s your evidence?”

Kenny paused to think about it, his hand scratching through his unruly blonde locks in the process.

“Well the way he looks at you for one thing. The boy is just gaga. It’s kind of sickening really. I mean, when you laugh he looks like a fucking melting popsicle.”

“Shut the fuck up, Kenny. He does not.”

“Does so. And so do you.”

When Stan didn’t respond back, Kenny continued. “I don’t know, dude. Just the way you guys are around each other. It’s not normal best friend behavior.”

“I think you’re just drunk.”

“I think you’re just scared.”

His stomach doing a nervous flip caused Stan to rethink his decision to stop drinking for the night and he swiftly reached back over his desk to the bottle and took a hasty sip before shrugging.

“Yeah. So what if I am?”

Stan played with the bottle between his fingers out of nervous habit of needing something to do with his hands. He glanced down at Kenny briefly but found he couldn’t maintain the eye contact so he brought his focus back to the bottle and the swirling brown liquid inside of it as he spoke his next thoughts;

“He means everything to me, Kenny. If he didn’t feel the same way…. It would fucking kill me. And I keep having this horrible thought that he might really freak out if I tell him. What if he hated me?”

Kenny watched the nervous boy for a moment or two before pulling himself back up onto the bed and leaning his elbows forward onto his knees.

“He’d never hate you, Stan.”

“He might.”

Kenny tried to catch his eye but when Stan refused to look up he grabbed the boy’s leg and pulled until the desk chair was directly in front of him.

Being so close to him now, Stan felt unable to keep avoiding the eye contact so he slowly raised his head until his focus fell back on his friend’s serious face. When their eyes finally locked, Kenny spoke again;

“He won’t. Kyle loves you. Whether it’s the way you want him to or not, he really does. My money is on him being _in_ love with you, but if he’s not, he’s always going to love you.”

“I don’t know, Kenny…”

Kenny sighed and searched Stan’s worried face for moment before giving him a small smirk as he rested his hands on Stan’s knees.

“Fine then. Plan B… Worse case scenario he completely freaks out and hates you and never speaks to you again…”

“Wow, not helping at all, dude!”

“Let me finish!” Kenny held up a hand to silence him, “If that happens, which it won’t, but just in case… How about you and I blow this shitty town and run away together?”

An unexpected laugh burst from Stan at the joke. That was something he could always count on with Kenny, when Stan slipped into these dark moments where his anxieties and doubts overwhelmed him, Kenny could always find a way to lighten up the mood and bring some humor back into the moment;

“If Kyle rejects me that bad and never wants to talk to me again, then that doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”

“Don’t laugh it could absolutely work! We’ll travel all over the place in that shitty truck of yours. You can make money by being a street performer with your guitar and singing skills and I can be a stripper.”

“Why do I feel like you’re just looking for an excuse to be a stripper?”

“I’m not going to have this body forever, Stanley. So I better make money off of it while I still can.” Kenny flashed him a flirty smile and a wink to which Stan responded with a playful eye roll.

“Fine. If Kyle rejects me, you and I can go be weird traveling gypsies somewhere.”

Kenny tilted his head at him, his coy smile growing, “Just so I can properly plan…Would we be an actual couple or just strictly friends with benefits?”

Stan laughed until tears came out of his eyes which made Kenny chuckle as well. The alcohol still running in their system making everything funnier and more light hearted despite the heavy atmosphere that had briefly passed over them moments before.

“I’m telling you this could work out great. We can even skip senior year. No more classes, or early mornings, no more homework…”

Kenny continued on but everything turned to piercing silence as Stan suddenly remembered the book report that he promised Kyle he would complete, the same book report that was due the very next morning.

His fuzzy brain sobered up immediately as he rolled his chair away from Kenny abruptly to look at the clock on his phone.

“Fuck! It’s 11:00!”

“So?”

“I have a book report due in the morning!”

“Fuck that. Just get an extension.”

Stan started frantically digging through his backpack to find the copy of the book and fired up the laptop on his desk.

“No way. I promised Kyle I would get it done.”

“For fuck’s sakes, dude! You’re already whipped and you aren’t even dating him yet.” Kenny laughed.

“Dude seriously. You have to leave right now! That stupid report is due first period so that means I have less than 9 hours to get it done. And that’s if I get no sleep and speed to school tomorrow. I appreciate you coming over but you have to get out.”

“Damn, baby. That’s cold. And after I bought you drinks and everything.” Kenny shook his head before flashing him another flirty grin, “Do I at least get a kiss goodnight?”

“Get the fuck out of here, Kenny.” Stan laughed and threw a pillow at him.

“Playing hard to get just makes me want you more, Stanley.” Kenny winked at him before slipping out the door. “Goodnight!”

Stan barely lifted his hand in a wave goodbye, his eyes were already glued to his computer screen as he began typing out the intro to his essay. He swallowed down a groan knowing he was in for a long, grueling night.

He fought against the urge that told him to just go to bed, that it would be easy enough to make up some sort of excuse but he knew Kyle would ask him about it and he couldn’t bare even the thought of disappointing him. And just like that, his fingers sprung to life and flew across the keyboard forming the beginnings of his report.

He allowed himself no breaks or to give into the temptation to look at the clock as time ticked by while he worked on that paper. Whenever he wanted to give up or call what he had written ‘good enough’, he just kept whispering the same mantra over and over to himself that encouraged him to work just a little bit harder, just a little bit longer…

“Do it for Kyle.”


	4. Chapter 4

Without a single cloud in the sky the sun felt overbearing as it shone down too brightly, assaulting the small mountain town with it’s Godlike rays. On any normal day, this would be something anyone would enjoy on a chilly February morning, but Stan Marsh was not one of those people. 

Saying he wasn’t thrilled about it was an understatement and his displeasure could be clearly seen by his very irritated, blood shot eyes and overall sluggish demeanor.

Stan was pretty positive it wasn’t safe for him to drive that morning. Two hours of sleep just didn’t seem sufficient enough to operate a vehicle but he reminded himself that it was a very short distance and he was confident enough in his abilities to make it without any real problems.

If there was anything that no one could deny about Stan Marsh it was that he was an excellent driver. And on top of that fact, he knew this town like the back of his hand, he could practically make any trip around his home town with his eyes closed… Which he kind of wished he was doing right now.

Stan slapped at his face roughly to help keep himself awake and deepened his focus as he pulled out of his driveway and headed towards Kyle’s house. The thought of seeing him giving him the smallest jolt of energy to course through his body, but it still wasn’t enough to waken him entirely.

He was exhausted from staying up all night working on that report and he knew it would be a miserable day at school. But it was worth it. The final product certainly wasn’t anything exceptional, probably a C+ at best, but it was finished and that was all that mattered.

Stan didn’t have to wait long at all as he pulled in front of his friend’s house. He saw a perky looking Kyle shutting the door and heading towards the truck before Stan even had time to park. He envied how much of a morning person Kyle was and wished he had the ability to look so awake so early in the morning, which he could never accomplish even on a good day.

Seeing Kyle’s cheerful face as he handed him a takeaway cup full of coffee perked Stan up right away. Mentally at least, he could tell by Kyle’s reaction to seeing him up close that physically he wasn’t looking too great.

“Dude. You alright?”

“Yeah just tired.” Stan shrugged as he took a large sip of the perfectly mixed coffee, “I stayed up all night working on that stupid ‘Scarlet Letter’ book report.”

Kyle beamed proudly at him, “That sucks you didn’t get any sleep but don’t you feel great that you got it done?”

Stan wanted to make a snarky comment but upon seeing Kyle’s overly pleased reaction he couldn’t bring himself to do it, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything as a matter of fact so he simply shrugged and returned the smile before driving off. Kyle’s grin abruptly fading as confusion appeared on his face when he noticed the direction Stan was driving in.

“Uh wrong way, Stan.”

“No.” Stan shook his head, “I’m picking up Kenny too. I felt kinda guilty that I didn’t offer him a ride yesterday so I texted him this morning that I’d pick him up.”

“Oh.”

Kyle sounded disappointed but Stan hardly noticed, he was too focused on maintaining his concentration on the road as he drank his coffee like it was his life elixir. Kyle fiddled with the radio and chatted as Stan nodded along enjoying listening to him ramble about some embarrassing thing his Mother did at a recent family gathering.

When Stan pulled up to Kenny’s house, he put the car in park so he could turn and watch Kyle as he told his long winded story. Stan tried to stop the smile that was pulling at his cheeks as he watched how animated he got the deeper he dived into the memory. The way his hands moved dramatically as if it would help him emphasize his point, how his eyes lit up when he thought of an interesting anecdote, Stan found all of it perfect and adorable in a way only Kyle could pull off.

Stan could have happily watched him go on and on for as long as he would allow but it all ended too suddenly with a slam of the car door and an abrasive voice cutting through his thoughts;

“Morning you beautiful bastards!” Kenny greeted cheerfully.

Stan turned to reply back but before he could, Kenny released a cackle, “You look like shit, dude.”

“Thanks,” Stan remarked as he rolled his eyes and pulled the car back onto the street.

“Are you hungover? Or just tired?”

Stan tried to catch Kenny’s eyes in his review mirror in order to shoot him a look that meant ‘shut the fuck up’ but the damage was already done.

“Why would he be hungover?” Kyle looked from one boy to the other as Stan attempted to keep his expression calm while trying to find a way to communicate with Kenny telepathically before he could say anything more, but his efforts were in vain.

“I brought over some whiskey last night and we drank half the bottle.” Kenny kicked his feet up on the vacant seat in the back and leaned against the car door. “Probably would have finished the whole thing but Stan kicked me out when he remembered he had homework due.”

 _“Kenny! Shut the fuck up! Shut up shut up shut up!”_ Stan screamed out in his mind.

“Kenny went over last night? That was the reason we couldn’t hang out?” Kyle’s voice sounded small as he directed his attention to Stan who refused to take his eyes off the road. “How come you guys didn’t invite me over too?”

It was only then that Kenny caught wind of the mistake he had made. His posture stiffening as his eyes finally found Stan’s in the rearview mirror, a look of panic on his face. He opened his mouth to speak but no audible words came out so Stan jumped in;

“Remember I told you Kenny had some things he needed to tell me? Well we were just wrapping up that conversation. Right, Kenny?”

“Uh… Yeah.”

“Are you alright, Kenny?” Kyle’s disappointment turned to concern as he maneuvered his body so he could see him sitting in the back seat.

“Yeah. It’s fine now.”

“What is it? What did you guys need to talk about?”

“I…” Kenny looked back into the mirror as if Stan’s equally frantic expression would help him come up with something to say, “I can’t tell you right now. Nothing personal at all Kyle. It’s just probably best that I keep this to myself for now.”

“Yourself and Stan apparently.” Kyle didn’t attempt to hide the bitter tone in his voice.

“Yeah well… You’ll know soon enough I’m sure. It’s not entirely up to me who gets to know when.”

Kyle looked dumbfounded as Kenny found Stan’s angry stare once again before quickly leaning back against the door and out of sight.

Stan couldn’t be more thankful that they pulled into the school parking lot right at that second. Kenny clearly felt the same because he barely rushed out a goodbye before darting off into the building, leaving Stan and Kyle alone.

Stan toyed with his keys as he fumbled with coming up with the right words to say as his friend’s pressing stare burned into the side of his face.

“Sorry Kyle. I should have told you that the plans I had were with Kenny.” He finally glanced over to look at him directly, “Are you super pissed?”

Kyle’s annoyed expression melted slightly at Stan’s words and he shook his head causing some of his curls to peak out from underneath his hat.

“I’m not pissed. Just confused. We never keep secrets from each other and now you guys are off doing your own thing and acting all weird about it. I just don’t get it.”

Stan pulled at the sleeves of his jacket anxiously, “It’s not that big a deal.”

“Then why can’t you tell me?”

Stan scanned his eyes over Kyle’s tensed features and the apprehensive curiosity dancing in his green eyes. The look somehow washing away some of Stan’s concern and making him chuckle as he reached out to playfully tug on the ear flap of Kyle’s ushanka hat.

“I think your FOMO is kicking in, Dude.”

“My what?”

“Your fear of missing out.” Stan shrugged. “I don’t think you’re upset about us hanging out, it’s that we know something that you don’t.”

Kyle furrowed his brow, “I do _not_ have a fear of missing out.”

“You absolutely do!” Stan laughed and finally pulled his fingers from the hat as a new thought crossed his mind;

“Look I’ll make it up to you…”

“How?”

Stan bit on his lower lip subconsciously, hoping Kyle wouldn’t notice the nervous habit. He shoved his hands in his pockets in an attempt to look casual as he spoke;

“Well, it’s Friday. How about you and I go old school and have a sleepover tonight? Just me and you. We can play video games, eat junk food, watch really bad movies, just like old times. No Kenny, definitely no Cartman, no phones, just…. Us.”

The annoyed expression that had been seemingly permanently etched onto Kyle’s face evaporated at the suggested. Excitement lit up in his eyes and spread across his features as he spoke with unabashed cheerfulness;

“It’s been forever since we’ve done that!”

“Yeah.” Stan smiled back, “So what do you say?”

“I’m absolutely in!”

***

As soon as Kyle and Stan parted ways, Stan scoped around the sea of students until his gaze finally fell upon Kenny leaning against the wall just outside the classroom, his relaxed form texting away completely oblivious to his surroundings.

Seeing him there, the memory of the sensitive material that had almost been spilled across his car that morning causing a flurry of anger to consume his insides. Unable to calm his rage, Stan beelined right for him.

As if Kenny could sense the danger in his approach, his focus darted up just as Stan came uncomfortably close to him. Stan pressed his hand against the wall practically pinning Kenny in, making sure there was only enough space between them to speak without being heard by anyone else.

“What the actual fuck, Kenny?” Stan hissed.

“I’m sorry! I wasn’t thinking!”

“How the fuck am I suppose to trust you to keep the biggest secret of my life if you don’t even know when to shut up for two seconds?”

“Dude. I’m sorry. I fucked up.” Kenny broke eye contact to look down at his shoes. The usually over confident look and posture vanishing beneath Stan’s hard stare making him appear younger than he was, “I’m really sorry, Stan. I feel so stupid.”

Stan wanted to chastise him more, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it seeing how ashamed Kenny looked. Instead, Stan took a deep breath and grabbed the bridge of his nose. Giving himself a moment to let the outrage dissipate.

“I shouldn’t have snapped. I’m sorry.”

“No I deserved it.” Kenny argued, “It won’t happen again, I swear. I promise I’ll be more careful.

Stan hated seeing Kenny look so busted up over the mistake so he playfully shoved his shoulder and took a step back to give him more space;

“Yeah you better or I’ll kick your ass.” Stan jokingly tossed his way, to which Kenny immediately glanced up and responded with a coy grin;

“Sounds hot.”

Stan shook his head in an effort to hide the humor on his face. Glad to see his brash, arrogant ways reemerging, “What the fuck am I going to do with you, Kenny?”

Kenny bit his lip as he shrugged, the catlike smirk still fixed on his face, “I mean if you’re looking for suggestions, I can think of a few things I’d like you to do to me.”

Despite his best efforts, Stan laughed at the comment as Kenny held up his hands in mock surrender.

“Okay, okay I’m done. I swear.”

Stan raised an eyebrow at him, “Yeah right.”

“Okay I’m not.” Kenny chuckled, “But don’t lie to me and say you don’t like the attention even just a little bit.”

“It’s not actual attention. You flirt with everyone, Kenny.”

“True. But you’re my favorite.” Kenny winked at him. Stan went to teasingly punch him in the arm but he ducked out of the way just in time.

“Alright!” Kenny cried out through his laughter, “I’ll make a deal with you. When you and Kyle finally start dating, I’ll stop then.”

“No you won’t.”

“Sure I will. Kyle seems like the jealous type and when he gets mad, he gets scary. I’m not fucking with angry, jealous Kyle.”

“Fair enough.” It was then that Stan remembered the plans he had made just a short while ago. Jumping in quickly, he spoke again, “That reminds me, him and I are hanging out tonight so don’t show up or call me or anything. I kinda promised him it would be just the two of us.”

Kenny grinned widely and batted his eye lashes at him, “Awe how romantic. So are you going to tell him?”

“I’m going to try.”

“Have some confidence, Stanley. Just do it. You’ll feel a hell of a lot better after.”

“Unless he rejects me.”

“I’m getting sick of your negative bullshit, dude.” Kenny sighed.

“I’m just mentally preparing myself for the worst. You can’t really blame me for that.”

Kenny shrugged, “Fine then, I’ll have a bag packed just in case the worse happens, so we can runaway together tonight. So win, win either way.”

Stan laughed and rolled his eyes at him, “Still a good back up plan. I’ll call you if we need to leave tonight."

“In that case, I hope I don’t hear from you tonight. Good luck, dude.”

“Thanks. I’ll need it.”

***  
They say that time moves slower when you’re waiting for something, Stan Marsh could whole heartedly attest to this as the school day seemed to drag on forever as he counted down the seconds until his one on one time with Kyle could begin.

But as excited as he was it, he also couldn’t help but feel the nervous butterflies building within the pit of his stomach and growing with every tick of the clock.

He tried once or twice to come up with what he would say to Kyle. Tried to think of the perfect way to express to him all the feelings he had for him, the right words that would convey how much he truly loved him. But each time he tried to think about it, he was hit with a wave of nausea so strong he feared he might throw up right there in class.

So instead of dwelling on it, Stan tried to push those big thoughts away, fearing the pressure might be too much he changed his thought process and started trying to think up ways to casually lead the conversation towards the inevitable confession. Hopefully fate would have his back and it would all just happen naturally.

Among his wishful thinking, his most hopeful daydream was that maybe he wouldn’t have to tell him, maybe Kyle would just know.

Stan could only hope.

When the final bell rang at last, it took every bit of self control he had not to sprint from the classroom and run towards Kyle. In order to help stop himself from doing just that, he tried the opposite approach and felt like he was moving in slow motion as he gathered his things and walked in an unnaturally leisurely way to his locker. His fingers loosening and tightening their grip in an anxious gesture with every step.

When he finally arrived, he felt his heart beat speed up and a giddy feeling burst throughout his insides when he saw a smiling Kyle waiting for him at their lockers.

Suddenly not remembering if he needed anything out of his locker for the weekend, and not caring if he did, Stan gestured with his head for Kyle to follow him out. Wanting their time together to begin as soon as possible. 

***

Stan and Kyle started out their evening by raiding the closest convenient store for their favorite snacks and sugary drinks, gathering up enough that they could stay trapped in Stan’s room for a month if necessary. Giving each other empty promises that they would order something of substance for dinner to balance out the junk.

Arms full, the two barely managed a wave of greeting to Stan’s Mom who chuckled at them as they sped up the stairs like they had done countless times throughout their childhoods.

All of Stan’s previous nerves and anxieties slipped away as the familiar feelings of comfort and normalcy he always felt around Kyle took over in it's place. Between idle gossip, bad movies and video games the hours seem to past by like minutes as the afternoon quickly turned into late evening.

As time moved, the passing thought of Stan’s inevitable confession was always just a moment away from falling from his lips but always seeming to be caught in his throat no matter how many opportunities arose. He needed the exact right moment, the perfect time and he just hadn’t found it yet.

But the night was still young and he wasn’t going to ruin their evening together by dwelling on it.

A burst of laughter that came from Kyle pulled Stan's attention away from the video game they were immersed in and brought his focus to his face. He allowed his eyes to scan down his features starting with his eyes and drifting down towards his lips, which still had the faded remainder of a smile on them.

Years of practice had made Stan very good at knowing exactly how long he could stare at Kyle before he had to turn to avoid him noticing. But his timing had been off this time and he didn’t have a chance to turn away before Kyle felt his gaze on him.

Stan couldn’t help but think that maybe he wanted him to notice for once, he couldn’t be entirely sure, all he knew was he didn’t feel concerned or nervous when Kyle looked over and furrowed his brow at him.

“What?”

Stan only shrugged, “Nothing.”

“Why are you staring at me?”

Stan wished he could come up with something clever to say. He even tried to channel his inner Kenny and think of something borderline flirty but his mind was blank; 

“I don’t know. I was just looking at you. Is that weird?”

Kyle looked as if he considered it for a second before a half smile appeared on his face and he shook his head.

“Nah dude. I guess not. Maybe if it was someone else, but no it’s not weird if you do it.”

Stan turned his attention back to the game hoping he would come off as casual, like his next words were an after thought instead of the burning question he desperately needed the answer to;

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. Because you’re Stan.”

It wasn’t much of an answer but Stan knew better than to pry or Kyle would get suspicious. Stan knew his next choice of words had to be precise if he was going to lead it into the discussion he dreaded and wanted all at the same time. While he was deliberating with himself his thoughts were interrupted by Kyle’s voice cutting through the silence;

“I missed this.”

“Missed what?”

“Just... This. You and I hanging out.”

Stan raised an eyebrow out him, “We hang out all the time.”

“Yeah but not like this, not like when we were kids and it was just, I don't know, easy?” Kyle’s eyes appeared to glass over as if he was being pulled into a memory, “We didn't really have anything to worry about or any major decisions to make back then…. Honestly I never thought we would grow up. I know it sounds stupid but I thought it would just be me and you forever. I hate that it could change.”

“Why would it change?”

Kyle’s focus finally came back and he locked his sad eyes on Stan’s intensely focused gaze, ”Cause we're getting older Stan. We're going to be seniors next year and then it's time for college. I never realized how much I hated change until it was staring me in the face. Everything is happening so fast and I don't think I'm ready for it. 

“Ready for what?”

Kyle’s eyes searched his in silence before his head finally dropped. A sense of melancholy filling the air around them making Stan’s heart hurt for reasons he couldn’t explain.

Stan watched him for a moment until the overpowering need to comfort Kyle came over him and he moved close enough for their bodies to touch. Before he could even think through his next actions, he felt Kyle’s head land on his shoulder and his body lean closer into him. His verbal response coming out barely more than a whisper;

“I’m not ready to lose you.”

Stan was taken back by the statement but he refused to move even an inch to look at him for fear that Kyle might use that opportunity to lean away from him.

“What? Why would you lose me?”

“I don't know.” He shrugged slightly, “What if we go to different colleges and you find out you like life better without me in it?”

“That would never happen.” Stan stated adamantly.

“It could.”

“It won’t.”

It didn’t feel like the words were enough to convince him as he felt Kyle’s body sink even more into him. The heat from his body the only warmth in the room that felt dark and cool with hidden fears released into the atmosphere like cracks in a window letting in the cold night air.

Stan risked a glance at the unsettled boy beside him. Wanting nothing more than to bring him some peace of mind, he felt his hand move before he even had a chance to consider the idea. His fingers inching closer until he had reached over and slid his hand into Kyle’s.

Stan unintentionally held his breath, unsure about the gesture. They had held hands many times in the past but somehow this felt different, more intimate and beyond just friendly, and it made nerves pluck at his heart. But relief poured through him as he felt Kyle’s fingers intertwine with his own and tighten their grip, clinging on to his hand as if the contact alone would hold them together.

“I promise you that you'll never lose me.” Stan breathed into Kyle’s ear.

“Don't make promises you can't keep, Stan.”

“I’m not. I plan on keeping it.”

Kyle kept his head on Stan’s shoulder as he glanced up at him, “How can you be so sure?”

Stan involuntarily swallowed as he watched him looking at him that way, as if he alone had all the answers. His brilliant friend who never shied away from bragging about all the things he knew and understood was looking to him to be the one to convince him of a truth he wasn’t so sure of. A truth that, Stan knew, could be revealed with something as simple as a confessed secret.

Stan went to open his mouth to let the words fly from his lips but his jaw locked shut and the words caught in his throat before they could reach his tongue.

This was the chance he had been waiting for, but he couldn’t do it. It was as if every nerve in his body was working against him as his heart screamed out in desperation.

But as much as he wanted to, somehow he knew it wasn’t the right time. His brain playing back the words Kyle himself had confessed moments earlier.

He was afraid. He was afraid of change, of losing Stan, of their relationship changing. And Stan couldn’t think of a bigger change than telling him that he had been in love with him since they were kids.

He needed to tell him. He knew that. But not now, not yet. 

Stan finally sighed and gave Kyle’s hand a squeeze, a warm smile growing on his face even as his disappointed heart thumped at half speed in his chest.

“I just am. You're my favorite person in the world, dude. You're my best friend.”

Kyle finally sat back up and flashed Stan a grin, the sadness that had encompassed his body appearing to lift from him and disappear.

“Super best friend.”

Stan chuckled, “Yeah super best friend. You're basically stuck with me forever.” He paused, his voice unsure though he tried to disguise it, “Or as long as you want me around.”

Kyle tapped the side of his head and tried to hide his grin as he pretended he was thinking it over;

“Forever it is then.”

Stan smiled as his eyes darted to the ground, feeling a blush begin to accumulate, he playfully knocked his shoulder with Kyle’s before redirecting his attention to the TV screen and the long forgotten video game.

“Good glad that’s settled. Now are we playing this game or not? Or did you come up with that whole sentimental scene just so you could stall because you know I'm going to kick your ass?”

“In your dreams, dude!”

It was only then that Kyle took his hand back from Stan’s and, with it, took another piece of his heart, unknowingly claiming it as his own.

The night continued on from there as if it were any normal sleepover even though Stan knew that, somehow, it was so much more.

Things didn't go exactly as he had planned or how he originally hoped but that was okay. There was something special that had gone on even if he couldn't quite see what it was just yet.

What he did know was that the moment was perfect, this night was perfect, and Kyle was perfect, so Stan took the memory and tucked it away to replay on another day. Planning on holding onto it forever...

But somehow forever just didn't seem like long enough.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning on getting this up much sooner but I couldn’t quite get the chapter how I wanted it and I was driving myself crazy over it. Finally I told myself to relax… It’s just a Stan/Kyle Fanfic, it doesn’t have to be perfect… And then I proceeded to stress about it for three more days until I gave in and decided to just post it. So I’m sorry that some parts in here seem sloppy… But whatever…
> 
> Also this chapter is very long. I was going to split it up but I didn’t know which part would be the best break point so I decided to keep it as is.
> 
> Despite me not being thrilled about this chapter, I am very excited about the next one so I hope you guys still enjoy!!
> 
> Thanks so much for all the comments and the kudos! They mean the world to me!
> 
> ***

You could call Stan Marsh a coward.

It was fair enough to do so, Kenny had certainly done it enough times. And although Stan was inclined to agree with him, he tried to be a little easier on himself and say that he was just being cautious.

Either way, Stan felt like the weeks that followed his confession to Kenny were some of the longest of his life. Or more accurately, everything had been different since Stan and Kyle’s sleepover some weeks prior.

Despite having numerous opportunities to tell Kyle his feelings since then, every single time, without fail, he choked up. Stan just couldn’t bring himself to tell his friend the truth. After Kyle stated so plainly how much he feared their relationship changing Stan just couldn’t get past the idea that telling him would do exactly that.

He knew deep down that if Kyle felt the same way that their relationship would change for the better but he was also well aware that if he didn’t feel the same… It would go much differently.

He wasn’t entirely sure how Kyle would react if he didn’t share the same feelings but he feared the worse knowing the admission could very potentially terrify him. And that thought alone plagued his sleep with nightmares and haunted his waking hours with ‘what ifs’.

His anxieties were wreaking havoc on his day to day life and, if that wasn’t hard enough, he had another little voice inside his head only adding fuel to the fire, even though he was just trying to help…

_“You’re crazy you know. You’re worrying yourself sick for nothing.”_

The little voice was Kenny who had become a regular passenger in Stan’s truck on their daily commute to school ever since the sleepover.

As much as Stan knew Kenny appreciated the rides, he was also a constant bug in his ear repeatedly reminding him that it would be better if he just drove Kyle to school so they could have some much needed alone time. But even with his tireless persuasion, Stan was insistent that Kenny come along too.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be alone with Kyle, he quite honestly would prefer it that way, but something was holding him back. And Stan hated to admit it but he knew that thing was that he was finding it harder and harder to act normal around his best friend when they were alone.

His long ago deep set fears of regressing back to his 15 year-old-self turned to reality as his old habits started slipping back in making him act odd and jittery whenever they were together. Despite his best efforts to hide it, he was sure Kyle was starting to notice his odd behavior because he himself was beginning to act tense and irritable in his presence.

Stan knew they were inching dangerously close to argumentative territory, but he didn’t know how to stop it.

That particular Friday the tension in the air felt especially thick. Even Kenny couldn’t find a way to joke the stress away so the three rode in uncomfortable silence that seemed to last far longer than the short drive would have you think. The strained stillness continuing on even as they parked, gathered their things and left the car.

Trying to make mindless small talk seemed pointless so Stan shoved his hands in his pockets as the three headed towards the school. As they approached, none could ignore the abrasive voice cutting through the air at a volume that was purposefully meant to be overheard.

The three boys reluctantly turned their heads to get a look at Eric Cartman as he tried, and failed, to look casual and cool leaning against the hood of his brand new Chevrolet Corvette. His large size looking somewhat odd next to the stretched out, sleek vehicle.

He had always been a bigger boy since childhood, which was something he had consistently argued against. That was until his large sized proved to be helpful to him upon entering high school when he was sought after for the football team who was in desperate need of an offensive lineman.

The position did no favors to his already enlarged ego, and his conceited attitude only grew when he wrongly assumed the athletic title made him one of the more popular people at the school. Although some had become actual fans of his, mostly everyone else just laughed at the notion. Unfortunately for everyone, the laughter completely went over Cartman’s huge head.

But today, the over confident persona he was trying to give off was slightly more convincing, strictly due to the company he was keeping. Bebe Stevens, Millie Larsen and Nelly were giggling and spending far more time checking out the car than the clueless boy leaning against it.

“What an asshole.” Kyle muttered under his breath.

“He’s a moron.” Stan responded, “He has no idea they are only interested in the car.”

“Look at that thing.” Kenny breathed, “I bet it’s crazy fast. I would never be late to work again in that car. Could you imagine me behind the wheel of that beauty?”

“You don’t need that car, dude. It’s an eye sore and a complete waste of money.” Kyle threw back.

“But could you imagine?”

The three tried their best to slip by unnoticed but Cartman caught Kenny’s lingering look and called out to them before they had a chance to sneak away.

“Hey losers! Come check out my baby!”

The boys stopped in their tracks and gave each other a wary look before audibly sighing and giving into the temptation. None would admit it out loud, but they all did want a good look at the car that was rumored to have cost Mrs. Cartman more than $80,000.

As they drew closer, Stan avoided Cartman’s narcissistic smirk and ran his eyes along the length of the corvette. Shiny, sleek, and the vibrant red color popping under the bright light of the warm March sun. The rays gleaming down on it making the already stunning vehicle all the more eye catching. It’s rounded off sharp edges giving it a look of danger and thrill in an exciting sporty kind of way. All of which were details that hardly matched the description of the owner.

“Like what you see?” Cartman’s voice sounding especially teasing in it’s sing song tone.

It was nice, very nice. Stan couldn’t deny that, but even with all its objective appeal, he still preferred his truck.

“Yeah. It’s a pretty sweet car.” Stan shrugged.

“It’s better than pretty sweet. It’s fucking awesome.” Cartman scoffed. “I keep offering you guys a ride but you keep shooting me down. I don’t get why you all want to keep driving around in Stan’s piece of junk.”

“Lay off, Cartman!” Kyle snapped. “At least Stan actually paid for his car and worked on it with his own two hands! He didn’t need to go crying to his Mommy to get him a shiny new toy.”

“Hey shut up! Nobody asked you Jew!”

Cartman turned his attention to Kenny who was using every bit of will power he had not to reach out and run his hand along the smooth surface. Stan was impressed, he knew Kenny’s love of NASCAR had created an admiration for cars, especially ones he could never even dream of affording.

“I get why Kyle would rather ride with his girlfriend to school. But what about you, Kenny? Don’t you want to enjoy a little piece of luxury since it’s the only chance your poor ass will ever get.”

Kenny’s eyes narrowed at him for half a second before he regained his false composure, “Nah. I’m all set.”

“Whatever.” Cartman huffed, his insecurities beginning to grow and appear in the form of aggression. “I don’t want your fleas in my car anyways.”

“Shhh don't let my fleas hear you. You'll hurt their feelings.”

The spontaneous laughter that came from not only Stan and Kyle but also the girls only added fuel to Cartman’s fiery anger. His voice betraying his emotions as his tone got louder and more antagonistic with every word.

“Fine! Drive around in Stan’s shit truck! It’s only a matter of time before the brakes fail and you all crash in it! And see if I care when you do. Does it even have airbags, Stan? Or seatbelts? Is it even safe to drive?”

Kyle took a few heated steps forward, fist clenched in rage. His over protective senses for Stan kicking into high gear and ready to take out all of their aggressions on Cartman’s smug face. But before he could even get close to him, Kenny stuck an arm out that landed across Kyle’s chest, stopping his approach.

“Sure Stan’s car isn’t the sexiest thing in the world.” Kenny jumped in, “But you know what they say about cars right?”

Cartman raised a suspicious eyebrow, “What?”

“The bigger and nicer the car, the more the person is trying to compensate for.” Kenny let his eyes wander down Cartman’s body and stopped just at his belt. “You compensating for something, dude?”

It took a long moment for Cartman’s brain to comprehend what Kenny was implying, but as soon as the pieces came together, his mouth fell open in silent horror as his face turned a darker shade of red than his car.

“Hey! You don’t know what you’re talking about! I’m not compensating for anything!”

“I don’t know, Cartman.” Kyle jumped in, “I distinctly remember a chart back in 4th grade that would say otherwise.”

“That’s bullshit! We were kids!”

Kenny shrugged and held back a smirk, “I’ll gladly remeasure right here, right now if you’re game. I’ll even go first.”

A fluster of unintelligible words spilled from Cartman’s lips until he finally gave up and stormed off, screaming out over his shoulder to not touch his car as he barged into the school building.

Kenny cupped his hands and called out to the retreating form, “Is that a no?”

Stan watched the comic display of the large boy stomping off like an overgrown child. Unable to control his laughter at the sight until Bebe’s voice brought his attention back to the group;

“You shouldn’t let him talk to you like that, Stan.” She crossed her arms over her stylish jacket as she leaned her curvy figure against Cartman’s car despite his warnings against doing so.

“It doesn’t bother me. I’m use to Cartman being… Well Cartman.”

Bebe shook her head making her blonde curls bounce across her shoulders and land cascading down her back, “I’ve never understood why you guys are friends with him. He’s such an intolerable asshole.”

“I tell them this almost everyday.” Kyle huffed, throwing his arms into the air for added affect.

“Why are you hanging out with him, Bebe?” Stan questioned, “You hate him more than almost anyone.”

The girl gave him a half shrug and smirked in return, “No shame in a little flirting if it gets me a chance at riding in the car.”

“You sneaky little thing.” Kenny cooed as he used the opportunity to slide up next to Bebe, “Smart and gorgeous. She's the whole God damn package people.”

Bebe flashed Kenny an amused glance despite the over exaggerated eye roll as she pushed off the car and started heading to the school building with her friends in tow. She called over her shoulder while they were still in earshot;

“Not gonna happen, Kenny.”

“Already happened, Bebe!” Kenny called back. He quickly turned back to his friends with an unfazed grin playing on his face, “She can deny it all she wants but we both know it happened. I know things about her that I couldn’t know otherwise.”

“You don’t need to convince us, dude. We believe you.” Stan remarked but Kenny continued on as if he hadn’t spoken.

“Bebe is a screamer.”

“Gross!” Kyle rasped, “I didn't need to know that!”

Stan shook his head, “This is why no one wants to date you, dude.”

“Their loss.” Kenny shrugged, “I like being too much for people. It'll make the real deal more worth it, you know what I mean?”

The way Kenny grinned as he looked from Stan to Kyle at the comment made Stan hurriedly push past his friends and start speed walking to the school, hoping they hadn’t noticed the blush that was beginning to bloom on his face. Fortunately for him, he was sure it had mostly gone by the time the two had caught up.

“Thanks for standing up to Cartman about my truck guys.” Stan muttered, stealing a quick glimpse at Kyle.

“No need to thank us. Cartman is a fucking asshole and we love your truck. He had absolutely no grounds to compare it to his shiny eyesore.” Kyle patted him on the back.

“I agree with everything Kyle said except for the eyesore part.” Kenny commented, “That thing is a fucking beauty. I’d try and steal it but that’s not really my style. And because if I did actually managed to pull it off, he would totally know it was me who took it.”

“Even if he had undisputed, solid evidence that you did it, you know he would blame it on me anyways.” Kyle grumbled as he shook his head.

“True.” Kenny’s eyes lit up suddenly and he nudged Kyle with his elbow, “So what do you say, Broflovski? Wanna steal Cartman’s car with me?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Oh come on! Just seeing the look on his face when he sees his precious baby gone would be worth it!”

“Not happening, dude.”

“But…”

“No.”

“What if I told you that you would look SO hot in that car!”

“Kenny. Enough.”

Stan chuckled as the two continued with their back and forth discussion until the three parted ways in the school hall. His mind and body significantly less tense after the interaction. It felt good to have things finally start to feel normal again.

But as pleased as he felt, it didn’t escape his mind that it was clear that he was solely responsible for causing the tension between them. So as he watched Kyle’s form disappear behind a classroom door, he vowed that he would get his shit together… And fast.

***

Later that day, Stan found himself only half listening to Kenny’s mindless chatter as the two exited the lunchroom. His attention only being grabbed when Kenny spontaneously rushed forward and called out;

“Ah dude, sick!”

Stan doubled up his walking speed to quickly catch up to Kenny and followed his line of sight to the brightly colored poster that had been placed up on the wall, the giant green capital letters spelling out “PROM” across the top with the April date in smaller letters below it. Stan scanned his eyes over the poster twice before speaking;

“Wow that’s already just a month away.”

“Yeah.” Kenny agreed and nudged Stan in the ribs, “Hopefully you’ll stop dragging your feet before then and get the balls to tell Kyle so you guys can go together.”

“Or I sit at home alone and depressed because he rejected me.”

“Jesus, Stanley. Lighten the fuck up. It’s junior prom!”

“You actually want to go?” Stan inquired doubtfully.

“Of course! Partying is one of my reasons for living. I’ll have to put in some extra shifts at Tweek Bros to pay for everything but I’ll make it work.”

Stan nodded as he glanced over the sign again, his thoughts wandering to what it would be like to actually take Kyle to such a big event. His daydreams extending to fine details such as what they would wear, the songs they would dance to, the way Kyle would look when Stan leaned in and…

“So how are things with you two? Doesn’t exactly seem like you’ve made much progress… Or even talked to him.”

Stan mentally shook his head as the interruption caused the images to abruptly fade from his mind. Biting his cheek as he was forcibly reminded that the reality was not nearly as pleasing as his brief fantasy;

“Yeah. Things aren’t exactly great between us.” Stan sighed, “I haven’t been avoiding him, not totally, but things have been kind of awkward. His whole speech on being worried about our relationship changing kind of freaked me out. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to act normal around him.”

“I don’t think he meant what you think he meant.”

“Yeah well, how am I suppose to know that?”

“Healthy communication is a beautiful thing, Stanley. You should try it sometime.”

“I’ll give that a try as soon as I manage to figure out how be alone with him without stumbling all over my words or sweating like a fucking pig.” Stan reached under his hat to scratch his fingers through his hair as he tried to stifle a groan, “I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me right now. He must think I’m going insane.”

“Here’s a wild thought.” Kenny glanced over at him, leaning closer as if he was about to tell him a secret. “Now hear me out… You could… Just fucking tell him the truth.”

Kenny stepped back and made a motion with his hands as if his brain exploded from the idea. Stan gave him a sharp look in return.

“I’m going to do it. I am.”

“Well you are taking your sweet ass time.”

“If you ever learn how to actually develop real feelings for someone I swear to God I am going to torment you over it forever.”

Kenny leaned back against the wall just next to the poster and crossed his arms. Taking in Stan fully before opening his mouth to speak again, “Alright how about this for a plan…You and I go to prom together.”

“What?”

Kenny shrugged, “I still think you should ask Kyle but if you totally chicken out, you can take me instead. Who knows, maybe it will make him so jealous that he’ll confess his own feelings for you first and then you don’t have to do it.”

"Ah I don't know if that would work..."

"It absolutely could! And worse case scenario, if it doesn’t work, I’d show you a really good time and be the best prom date ever! And hey, if you're a gentleman, maybe I'll even let you have your way with me.” Kenny winked at him which pulled a laugh from Stan even as he shoved him at the notion.

"You're so fucking weird, Kenny.”

“Thank you.” He tilted his upper body forward in a slight bow, “It happens to be one of my favorite character traits.”

Stan wasn’t entirely sold on the idea but the thought of making Kyle jealous lit a curious fire within him. He went to question Kenny a little deeper about the possibility but before he could, a voice chimed in from directly behind him;

“What are you guys looking at?”

Stan turned to see Kyle standing there, his eyes on the large, brightly colored poster staring down at them;

“Prom?”

Kenny pushed himself off from the wall and came to stand next to Stan, giving him a subtle nudge before he spoke;

“Yeah it’s going to be here before we know it. We were actually just talking about who we should take since it’s kind of a big deal.”

“Oh yeah?” Kyle paused, his next words sounding somewhat uneasy. “Who were you thinking of taking?”

Stan barely had a chance to mutter out his response of “no one” before Kenny jumped in, giving Stan a quick wink before glancing back at Kyle with calculated deception disguised as carefree and cheerful;

“I was thinking I could be some arm candy for Stanley for the night.”

Stan felt a rush of fiery heat rise to his face as he shot Kenny a look that was meant to be a subtle warning but looked far more panicked than he intended. Kenny raised his shoulders in the smallest of shrugs while maintaining his look of false innocence.

“You guys are going to prom together?” Kyle’s tone apprehensive and insecure.

“No.” Stan stammered out quickly, “Kenny is just joking around. Right, Kenny?”

Stan kept his attention on Kyle who looked passively relieved as Kenny only half heartedly attempted to hide his shit eating grin.

“I implore either of you to find a better date than me, but whatever floats your boat.” With a quick flick of his wrist he pulled his orange hood over his head and tightened the drawstrings, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have a smoke break before next period starts. Later my dudes.”

Kyle’s eyes shifted momentarily to Kenny’s retreating form before looking back at Stan whose focus hadn’t strayed from his face.

The two watched each other uncomfortably for a moment. Despite the hallways being filled with an excessive amount of noise, it felt like piercing silence had filled the small bubble they had placed themselves in. And for the first time is what might have been forever, the silence between them felt awkward. After what seemed like an eternity Kyle finally spoke;

“Is everything okay, Stan?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure? Because you haven’t seemed like yourself… And maybe I’m crazy but I feel like you’ve been avoiding me.”

He wasn’t wrong, but Stan knew he couldn’t admit that without Kyle prying deeper and finding the root of the problem. As much as he knew being honest was the best thing in normal situations, he also knew this wasn’t a normal situation.

“Why would I be avoiding you?”

“You tell me. You’re the one who seems overly quiet and jumpy lately. And…” Kyle eye’s fell back to the empty doorway, “Whatever you and Kenny are keeping to yourselves seems to be making you anxious.”

Stan felt his body tense and he actively forced himself from biting his lip out of nerves, “Ok maybe I’m a little on edge.”

“I’m worried about you.”

“Don’t be. I’m making it seem like a bigger deal than it is.”

Kyle looked far from satisfied, “I hope that’s true. But I feel like you’re pushing me away and I don’t like it. It makes me think something is wrong…”

“There isn’t anything wrong. Really. You’re going to laugh when you find out…” The last words out of his mouth sounded broken and unsure and Kyle caught the trepidation.

He nodded once tentatively and took a step forward closer to Stan, placing a hand on his bicep which made Stan involuntarily suck in his breath.

“Fine. I’m letting this go for now but I’m putting my faith in you as a friend that if something _is_ wrong you’ll tell me. That if Kenny got himself into trouble… that even if he made you swear not to tell, that you would know you could trust me. That I could help. And…” He paused again, his hand falling from Stan’s arm making the now empty space cold. “That if you had something good you wanted to share with me… Or if Kenny did, that you guys would tell me… When you felt the time was right.”

Stan felt cool sweat break out on the back of his neck as his heart rate increased.

_“Does he know?”_

The fearful thought burning into his brain but his face barely betrayed his inner turmoil as he nodded in response.

“For sure, dude. It won’t be a secret forever. And it’s nothing bad. I’d tell you. You’re kind of the mom of the group. We need you to solve all our problems.”

The attempt at the joke managed to ease some of the tension as Kyle rolled his eyes at him with a smirk playing on his lips,

“I hate being the Mom of the group.”

“Then maybe you should stop being so responsible and stop lecturing us on all our terrible ideas.”

“I still go along with all your terrible ideas! I just have to make sure you understand what you guys are getting into first!”

Stan tilted his head and raised his eyebrows in a knowing way to which Kyle responded with a defeated sigh.

“Fuck, I do sound like a Mom.” Kyle shook his head, “Well in that case, I’m going to Mom you right now. I’m coming over later, and we’re going to get our homework done and hang out. And I don’t care what you say. No excuses this time.”

Stan grinned, “I know better than to argue with you.”

Kyle’s face fell briefly, “Oh. I have a dentist appointment after school. So it’ll have to be after that… But I’m still coming over.”

“Do you need a ride to the appointment?”

“No. I’m skipping last period for it so my Mom’s going to take me.” Kyle gave Stan a small smile to which he couldn’t help but return, “No more being weird, okay?”

Stan got lost in Kyle’s hopeful green eyes for a moment and spoke without thinking;

“Okay. No more being weird.”

Stan’s voice sounded confident, but he could only hope that he truly meant those words that fell like a promise from his lips.

***

The crackling sound of music at full volume pouring from poor quality speakers filled Stan’s room that late afternoon.

He swore time and time again to his parents that the music helped him with his homework but in reality, he was currently on his fourth attempt of the same sentence on the first paragraph of his text book. But that simple fact didn’t bother Stan as he bobbed his head along and tapped his pen to his desk to go with the beat.

The bliss that music brought him was much better than any history assignment anyways.

The music was cranked as loud as it could go but it wasn’t loud enough to override the creaking sound of his door being opened. Upon hearing it, Stan immediately spun around in his chair. His exuberant face falling when he saw who stood in the open doorway.

“Oh…Hey Kenny.”

“Oh hey Kenny?” His jaw fell open slightly as he reached for his chest dramatically, “Ouch. My fucking pride.”

“Sorry, dude.” He chuckled, “I was just expecting Kyle.

“Oh. Well that's fair. No hard feelings then.”

Stan paused his playlist as Kenny marched himself over to Stan’s bed and collapsed onto it in his usual way. Lying on his side with a hand propping his head up as he examined Stan’s stern face.

“What?”

“You’re an asshole you know that?”

“Yes. But what did I do this time?”

“Telling Kyle me and you are going to prom together? Not cool, dude.”

“Oh that.” Kenny chuckled. “If you are going to drag your feet then I’m going to light a fire under your ass.”

“You’re not helping by doing that.” Stan grumbled.

“I beg to differ!” Kenny argued, “He looked really nervous. Dare I even say I saw a spark of jealousy.”

“No way. I didn’t see that.”

“You were too busy shooting me evil looks to notice!” Kenny laughed and rolled onto his back, “Trust me. For a split second you crushed that poor boy’s heart.”

Stan’s own heart sank at the thought of it, “I don’t want to do that to him. I just… I just want to know for sure he feels the same way. If I did it would make all of this so much easier.”

“I think it’s pretty fucking obvious, but what do I know?” Kenny pushed himself up into a sitting position, his eyes scanning around the room until they landed on the guitar leaning against the wall next to Stan’s bed.

“Oh, dude!” Kenny cried out enthusiastically as he scooped up the instrument into his lap. “You said you’re having trouble talking to him, right? Why don’t you just play him a song?”

“No way.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“I’m having a hard enough time _talking_ to him about how I feel. You think singing him a song I wrote him would be easier?”

“Awe, Stanley. You wrote him a song? You are so fucking adorable I can’t even stand it.”

Stan felt his face bloom into a deep shade of red before he had time to turn and hide the embarrassment that was so obviously sprawled across his features.

“Shut up.”

“I have to hear it!” Kenny grinned wide as he attempted to hand the guitar over to Stan. His bright face falling when Stan adamantly shook his head and crossed his arms, preventing the instrument from being placed in them.

“Oh come on! Please?”

“Absolutely not.” Stan huffed. “The songs aren’t even that good. I probably suck.”

“So what? It’s just me! And besides, I’m sure your songs are fine. How hard can it be to write one anyways?”

Kenny pulled the guitar closer to him and drifted his fingers up the stem until he had landed on an easy chord to play and ending with a long strum. Glancing up at Stan his raspy yet pleasant singing voice breaching the surface;

"You should just tell him"  
"It's really not that fucking hard"

Kenny looked back down to play another chord and ending with an even longer strum;

"You should just just tell him...."

Kenny’s brow furrowed as the extended note began to die. He glanced back up at Stan;

"I can't think of anything that rhymes with hard...."

Stan raised an eyebrow and suppressed a laugh at his dumbfounded expression,

“Okay I'm at least better than that.”

“You play something then!” Kenny tried once more to hand it over but Stan refused to budge. “I get why you won't play for Kyle, but why not me?”

“Because I probably suck.”

“How are you going to find out unless you let anyone hear you?”

“Because I don't want to know if I suck.” Stan confessed, “Just like I don't want to know if Kyle doesn't have feelings for me.”

“That’s no way to live, dude.” Kenny sighed.

Stan shrugged but before he could retaliate, the two jumped slightly at the sound of the door once again creaking open. Kyle shuffled his way in, clearly already uncomfortable with coming in announced. That unease only made worse when he saw the two of them already engaged in quiet discussion making him feel like an intruder despite being invited over.

“Oh… Hey Kenny.”

“Again with this ‘oh hey Kenny’ bullshit. Is no one happy to see me anymore? I’m a fucking delight.” He cried out with mock despair.

“No it’s just….” Kyle paused as he attempted to fake an upbeat attitude, “I just didn’t know you’d be here too.”

Kenny managed to throw Stan a side look and a half smirk before turning his back on them both to return the guitar to its original resting place.

“Actually. I was just leaving.”

Kyle looked almost relieved despite his half hearted attempts at stopping Kenny as he approached the door. Subconsciously stepping out of his way to leave more room for his exit.

“No…It’s fine… You can stay…”

Stan watched the entire exchange with skeptical fascination.

“Thanks but I’ve had more than enough of Stanley for one day. You can take a turn now.”

Stan’s eyes fell on Kenny’s just as he gave him a provocative wink and blew him a kiss before stepping out the door. Stan couldn’t resist the pull at his cheeks causing a coy smile to crack across his features. He knew what Kenny was trying to do and as much as Stan didn’t think it would work, he had to appreciate the efforts of his tenacious friend.

The silence in the room was what brought Stan’s focus from the now empty doorway to Kyle, who he saw still hadn’t changed positions. Looking agitated as he watched Stan carefully as he tensely stood unmoving in his spot.

“You okay, dude?”

“Yeah fine.” Kyle muttered.

_“Maybe he is jealous”_

The thought teased Stan as he continued to observe his friend as he stiffly moved himself to sit in the spot Kenny had occupied only moments before. Adjusting himself for longer than normal as if finding it difficult to get comfortable.

“So,” Kyle cleared his throat. “What were you and Kenny doing?”

A flicker of hope rising briefly in Stan’s chest at the innocent question that held so much venom behind it.

“Just talking.”

“Yeah? What was he doing with your guitar?”

“He was trying to get me to play something. He wanted to hear one of my songs.”

Kyle’s focus finally fell from Stan’s, “Did you play for him?”

Stan felt the trickle of hope vanish in an instant but tried not to let the disappointment settle in its place. He began mentally chastising himself for so severely mistaking the situation;

_“Of course. He’s just jealous about Kenny hearing me play before him. Fucking Kyle and his FOMO. I’m such an idiot to think he might actually be into me.”_

“No.” Stan released a breath of air, hoping he didn’t sound as bummed out as he felt. “If I was going to play for either of you. I would play for you first.”

“Really?” Kyle’s head shot back up, his green eyes looking brighter.

“Yeah, dude. Super best friend rights allow you to be the first one to make fun of me about it.”

“I wouldn’t make fun of you!”

“Of course you would. We make fun of each other over almost everything.”

“This is different.” Kyle argued.

“How?”

“This is important to you.” Kyle’s tone sounding like a strange mix of compassionate and forceful. “And if it’s important to you then it’s important to me.”

“You really want to hear that bad?”

“Yeah of course I do, Stan.”

Stan’s twitching fingers inched up to his beanie cap, nudging it down just enough to cover most of his forehead. A twisted knot forming in his stomach as he fought through the negative thoughts swimming through his brain.

“Okay fine.” He finally muttered.

Any tension that had remained in Kyle’s demeanor disappeared in an instant as a smile lit up his entire face.

“Yeah?”

“I guess.”

Kyle practically sprinted to the guitar and had it in his tender grip before Stan could stop him. The fear consuming him as Kyle placed the instrument in his unwilling arms. Stan choked down his fear before speaking again;

“No, not right now. I uh…” Stan placed the guitar beside him and interlaced his fingers tightly together to hide the subtle nervous twitching, “I don’t want to just wing it… I want whatever song I play to be perfect.”

“Dude I don't care if it's perfect.” Kyle tried to reason.

“I do.” Stan swallowed, “What are you doing Saturday?”

“Nothing... I…”

Upon gazing up at his friend his heart began beating two times too fast causing his next words to come out in a jumbled mess before he could think through his plan;

“Great. How about I pick you up? We grab some food... It's suppose to be kinda nice... Maybe we can go to Stark's Pond? And at some point… I'll play one of my songs.”

“You're making this a bigger deal than it needs to be, dude. It doesn't have to be a big show. I just want to hear one of your songs.”

“It kinda is a big deal... I.. I can't explain it. Can we just stick with that plan?”

He knew Kyle could tell he was nervous but he didn’t care. He especially didn’t care when Kyle’s sixth sense to comfort him kicked in and he squatted down in front of him so that he was just below eye level. A look of tenderness and understanding on the surface of his features with a bit of triumph and excitement hidden just beneath.

“Sure, dude. I feel like I've barely seen you the past month so that sounds like fun. But seriously, don't get yourself all worked up.” He reached out and laid a hand on Stan’s forearm, giving it a gentle squeeze of reassurance that did Stan’s pulse more harm than good. “It's just me, I'm the last person in the world you need to get nervous around.

Stan faked the most sincere tight lipped smile he could manage and nodded his head. His words soothing him while at the same time only making matters worse.

His unsuspecting friend had no idea that although he might be the last person he _needed_ to get nervous around… He was the only person in the world who could make him _this_ nervous. He was clueless to the fact that he was the only person whose opinion truly mattered to him. The only person that could make his breathing stop and his pulse race to dangerous levels.

Kyle Broflovski didn’t know that he was capable of destroying the heart that he had unknowingly stolen.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this chapter is called “I’m Falling For You” by Chester See. So I didn’t write it and neither did Stan (sorry!) but I think it’s very fitting! If you listen to the song while reading, picture it with an acoustic guitar instead of a piano.  
> ***

The sun had already started its descent in the sky when Stan finally found just enough courage to park his car in his favorite spot at Stark’s Pond. It had a perfect view of the peaceful pond and the wide open sky as the beginnings of the sunset started painting the world around them in vibrant pinks, dull oranges, and deep purples.

The moment truly felt perfect as the hues of the colors seemed to surround the air itself, reflected off the pond and even danced within the whites of Kyle’s eyes, those same eyes that were looking at Stan with a mix of calm and eagerness as they sat face to face a few feet apart in the tailgate of his truck.

The two sat in silence as Stan pulled the guitar closer to his chest and readjusted the positioning as if holding it a certain way would ease the nerves that were starting to take control of his tense body.

Suddenly regretting his decision but knowing there was no way he could back out now Stan tried to steady himself and turned his focus to the instrument in his lap. Looking at it close enough you could see how long it had been loved by the worn down wood in certain spots, a chip or two, and the obvious stain from a bad polish job. Just like his car, it was no longer the nicest looking thing in the world, but Stan loved it. Imperfections and all.

Stan cleared his throat and took a deep breath, hoping the action would help settle the slight trembling in his fingers. When it didn’t, he silently prayed the obvious show of his nerves would go unnoticed. But as he should have guessed, nothing got passed Kyle;

“It’s just me, dude. You don’t have to be nervous. Come on, I really want to hear you play.”

Stan looked up at him through pieces of thick black hair that had fallen into his eyes.

“Even if I suck?”

“Especially if you suck.” Kyle’s humor filled voice behind his supportive smile made all Stan’s fears fly away in an instant and he felt his fingers move as if he had no control over their need to play.

Stan’s face fell down to his guitar as if to better focus on the strings but his eyes closed as the familiar feeling of calm fell over him while the music filled his ears and overtook his surroundings, completely losing himself in it. The lyrics he had pieced together so many weeks ago falling from his lips in a soothing, soft tone;

“I don't wanna tell you that I long to see your face  
I'm scared it might scare you away.  
And I don't wanna tell you that sometimes I think of you and smile  
'Cause time with you is time enough for now.

But I don't know how long I can stick around and be  
Just another friend time and time again and hold my tongue.  
I don't know how long before it breaks me down inside  
And all my strength has gone away,  
And it's too late before I say

I'm falling for you  
I'm falling for you

I'm trying hard to be myself but I always seem to fail  
I'm afraid I'm not the guy you know so well.  
Cause every time I'm near you I just seem to lose my head  
And spend my time admiring instead.

But I don't know how long I can stick around and be  
Just another friend time and time again and hold my tongue.  
I don't know how long before it breaks me down inside  
And all my strength has gone away, and it's too late before I say

I'm falling for you  
I'm falling for you

I'm torn between the chance for everything and a price that I can't pay  
Losing you is something that I'd never chose so I'll just have to wait  
But it kills me everyday

I'm falling for you  
I'm falling for you  
I'm falling for you  
I'm falling for you

I don't wanna tell you sometimes I think of you and smile.”

As the final notes left his fingers and faded from his ears he was suddenly eased back into reality. The comfort of being lost in the music disappearing in overwhelming waves as he clutched the guitar a little tighter to his body before anxiously looking up at Kyle for his reaction.

Kyle looked back at him mesmerized, his jaw open just slightly, a faraway look in his eyes just starting to creep back into the moment.

“Stan.” He breathed, “That was really good. Really, really good."

Stan grabbed at his hat in his old self-conscious way but his lips turned up into a subtle, pleased smile;

"Eh I don't know.”

“No. Seriously, dude.” Kyle looked almost lost for words for a split second, “I had no idea you were that talented.”

“You’ve heard me play before.”

“Yeah but this was different. You use to write songs and play when we were kids. And don’t get me wrong, you were good then too but, I don’t know, this was something special. Real and raw and…. You’ve just gotten really good, man.” A fleeting moment passed where Kyle just stared at him, as if awestruck, but all too quickly he caught himself and continued speaking before Stan could even notice;

“Have you thought about putting a set list together and playing some gigs? I know Tweek Bros has musicians come in for acoustic sets on weekends. I’m sure they’d love to add you to their line up.”

“I don’t know, dude. I’d probably get way too nervous and throw up or something.”

“You didn’t throw up just now.”

“I thought I was going too.”

“Why?”

Needing something to do with his twitching fingers, Stan started softly strumming his guitar again and merely shrugged at Kyle.

“Do you have more songs?”

Stan nodded, “Yeah a few. But that’s the only one that I think is as close to being done as I can do. It’s not perfect, but I like it. The others need a lot more work.”

“What… uh…” Kyle paused for a brief second to listen to Stan’s strumming, “What was your inspiration for the song?”

Stan felt his pulse quicken and he was grateful his trained fingers didn’t fumble as his heart had at the question. He knew this was his opportunity, his chance to tell Kyle how he felt about him. What better way then to explain that he had written the song about him?

How the lyrics had come to him one night while he laid awake and pictured his face, when he couldn’t shake the sound of his laugh from his ears, how it hurt and healed him to write down the words he never thought he’d be able to actually say out loud.

To finally be able to tell him that he just sang to him everything that was on his heart. It could be that simple and yet Stan couldn’t put together a single sentence, the thoughts turning to tangled straw in his mouth unable to form actual words.

“It just sort of came to me.” Was all Stan managed to say, Kyle furrowed his brow looking dissatisfied by his answer.

“Who did you write it for?”

Stan’s mouth felt like sand paper, his fingers finally starting to weaken and giving up on the strings.

“Why does it have to be for someone? It’s just a song.”

Stan wanted to punch himself in the gut for saying something so stupid but he didn’t know what else to do. He supposed a part of him had just hoped that Kyle would hear the lyrics and know, that his intelligent friend would be able to figure out the riddle he had hand delivered to him along with every clue he needed to spell it out himself.

How else could he tell him he loved him without having to actually say it? 

Stan supposed he wouldn’t be able to.

His brain fumbled trying to find the right words, to maybe throw him one last ditch effort of a clue, but before he could, Kyle interrupted his thoughts;

“Can I ask you something?”

Stan nodded his head stiffly, hopeful that the slight apprehension in his best friend’s voice might mean he _had_ figured out all the things Stan couldn’t bring himself to say out loud.

“Course, dude.”

Kyle licked his lower lip and bit the inside of his cheek before he opened his mouth to speak again, “Is there something going on between you and Kenny? Are you guys together or something?”

Stan froze in pure shock. It was the last thing he had expected Kyle to ask and because of this, his reaction came out in an awkward laugh;

“What? No.”

“You sure?”

“I’m pretty sure I would know if I was dating Kenny.”

“Well you guys have been acting really weird lately. You guys are hanging out just the two of you way more than usual. Whenever you two are talking and I come over you both suddenly shut up or change topics… I’m not stupid, Stan. I see things.”

“It’s not what you think.” Stan paused unsure of what exactly to say until he remembered their original cover story, “Kenny is still going through some stuff and he’s confiding in me.”

“That doesn’t explain the flirting.”

“Kenny flirts with everyone.”

“Yeah but it’s different with you. It seems like there’s more to it than him just being his usual shameless self. And he’s always done it and you use to just laugh or not notice it but now you get nervous and awkward like you don’t want people to see it.”

Part of Stan wanted to shake his best friend right in that moment. Internally screaming at him for being so observant to notice something as subtle as Kenny’s extra flirting while missing all the giant signs in every direction crying out, _“I love you Kyle! Notice me! I can’t stop thinking about you! For the love of God can’t you see that?!”_

Stan didn’t know what was more frustrating, not being able to tell his best friend of 17 years the truth, or that his brilliant friend couldn’t figure it out himself. Finally he sighed and spoke the only truth he could say with full confidence;

“I’m not dating, Kenny. Believe me.”

“You’d tell me if you were right?”

“Of course.”

Kyle still looked unsatisfied as he watched Stan carefully, “Alright. I believe you but I know you’re hiding something and I just wish you would tell me what it is.”

“You and your FOMO, dude.” Stan gave a weak laugh as he leaned back against the back window in the cab of his truck and fiddled with the guitar pick between his fingers.

“Stop it. It’s not FOMO. I just care about you.”

Stan hesitated a moment as he watched his friend looking back at him so adamantly, “Yeah?”

“Don’t be stupid, Stan. You know I do.”

Stan nodded knowingly as he thought it over, he tilted his head in a way that made Kyle’s stern face break into an almost smile. An idea trickling into his head that turned to words falling from his lips before he had a chance to stop them;

“Maybe I’ll tell you at prom.”

Kyle shook his head, “Nope. You can’t do that.”

Stan furrowed his brow. More confused by his answer than concerned over the sudden deadline his brain decided to thrust upon him,

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not going to prom.”

“Dude, what?” Stan sat up a little straighter, “You have to go to prom!”

“Why?”

“Because… I don’t know… Because it’s junior prom! It’s one of those things that you just do when you’re in highschool.”

“It’s probably going to suck. You know I can’t dance. Bebe is in charge of prom committee so I can only imagine what kind of music choices she’ll give the DJ, and it will just be a bunch of our overdressed friends grinding up on each other. Sounds miserable.”

“Come on, dude. We’ll make it fun. We can stand in the back and eat snacks and make fun of everyone all night.”

“You’ll be too busy with your date I’m sure.”

“I don’t have a date.”

“So you aren’t taking Kenny?”

“No! I’m telling you… Me and Kenny aren’t a thing.”

Kyle shrugged and subconsciously looked away from him, “What about Wendy? You’re not asking her?”

“No way, dude. We’ve been over forever. You know that.”

“I just figured for nostalgia purposes or something…”

“Zero interest in that. Maybe we’ll dance once or something but I draw the line there. I’m not planning on going with anyone so we can go together if you want…”

Stan stopped short and he quietly sucked in his breath after realizing that without fully intending to, he had asked Kyle to prom. His fear of rejection overwhelming him he quickly added in the only thing he could think of that would make it sound more casual,

“We can be super best friend bro dates.”

Kyle finally gazed back up at Stan, a look he didn’t recognize passing across his face before quickly being replaced with a deep insecurity settling in his eyes, “You don’t have to saddle yourself with me, Stan. You could and should take whoever you want.”

Stan grinned at his best friend, a warmth filling him as he felt a renewed strength to make this smallest of confessions;

“Kyle, seriously…There’s no one I would rather go to prom with than you.”

Kyle looked down as if shy for a spilt second before glancing with his eyes back up at Stan who’s smile hasn’t left his face.

“Super best friend bro dates it is then.” A pink color rising to his cheeks, as a smile grew across his features. “Maybe this prom won’t be so bad after all.”

“Who knows? Maybe it’ll be the best prom ever.”

***

Stan couldn’t wipe the smile from his face even if he tried as he laid on his back staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom. Replaying the last few hours with Kyle over and over again, training every single second to memory until every bit of it was forever saved. The joy only growing in his chest with every replay.

The sound of his phone chirping was the first thing that broke him away from his deep daydreams. His stomach doing a flip at the tentative hope that it could be a message from the very boy he was thinking so fondly of.

He was more disappointed than he’d care to admit when he found it wasn’t. But the unpleasant feeling only lasted a moment.

**Kenny McCormick:** Sooo how did it go?? Excluding all the naughty details of course... Scratch that... I want explicit naughty details.

Stan chuckled and rolled his eyes as he began typing out his response.

**Stan Marsh:** Went really good. Better than I thought it would.

**Kenny McCormick:** And??? Dude don’t leave me in suspense here…

Stan hesitated briefly before swallowing down his pride and typing the words he knew he would regret admitting.

**Stan Marsh:** I didn’t exactly tell him how I feel about him.

It couldn’t have been more than half a second before Stan felt the angry vibration in his hands as Kenny’s name flashed across his screen. Stan sucked in a deep breath before answering the call with the slightest bit of reservation.

“Hey…”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Marsh?”

“I was going to. I swear I planned on it. But I just couldn’t do it. Every time I tried it was like I froze up and couldn’t think of the right words.”

“I’m in love with you, Kyle is really all the words you needed.”

Stan sighed heavily, “It’s not that simple, dude and you know it.”

“I think you are just trying to make this way more complicated because you’re scared.”

“Shut the fuck up, Kenny.”

There was a long silent pause, and although Stan couldn’t see him, he knew Kenny and his mannerisms, and could just imagine him pressing his palms to his eyes out of frustration. A long minute passed before he finally responded;

“Okay. So you didn’t tell him. Then what _did_ happen on your sort of, but not really, romantic adventure?”

“Well I played him a song I wrote about him.” Stan pulled his beanie cap from his head and ran his fingers through his thick hair as Kenny’s exasperated voice filled his ears.

“What? And he didn’t figure it out? Holy shit you both are morons.”

“Well he asked who I wrote it for but I kind of avoided it.”

“You are fucking hopeless, Stanley.”

Stan draped his forearm over his eyes and slid himself further down on his bed. Hoping the cover would conceal him from the embarrassment of his next confession, “Okay fine. I was scared. I guess I hoped he would just sort of figure it out on his own. That way I wouldn’t _have_ to tell him. I don’t know. It sounded better in my head. I thought for a second he did figure it out but then he asked if you and I were together.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah, I don’t know. He got kind of weird and quiet and then asked me about what was going on between us.”

“For fucks sake. How much more proof do you need that he’s into you?”

Stan lifted his arm from his eyes, “What?”

“He was clearly fucking jealous. He thought you wrote the song about me. Holy fucking shit dude. Am I the only one in this group with any God damn common sense?”

Stan hesitated and sat up in his bed, suddenly feeling the anxious need to move around. The doubt that was always present preventing him from his hope to slip in at the possibility that Kenny so plainly stated.

“That doesn’t mean he’s into me. That could me a lot of things.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“You’re a slut.”

“Thank you.”

Stan chuckled and shook his head despite knowing he couldn’t see his reaction, “I don’t know, dude. You have a hell of a lot more confidence in it than I do. I wasn’t getting any vibes like that from him. Call me stupid or a hopeless romantic or whatever but I guess I kind of hoped it would just all come together on it’s own, like how it does in the movies.”

“I hate to break it to you, Stan but life isn’t like the movies. You can’t just hope and dream that it’ll all come together. You have to make your own luck. If you want things done you have to do it yourself.”

“I hate when you’re fucking right.”

Stan pulled his knees to his chest and he released a sigh. Kenny clearly sensing the bleak mood that had settled over him had a sudden change in tone from serious to light hearted with a hint of humor;

“So he thought you and I were a thing, huh?”

“Apparently.”

“He could sense our sexual tension from a mile away. I like it.”

“So we have sexual tension now?”

“Everyone has sexual tension with me, Stanley.”

Stan couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him. There were a few things he could always count on with his friends, Kyle was protective and would verbally attack with a fiery rage anyone who dared upset him, Cartman was an asshole but he somehow always came through when he was really needed, and no matter how bad he was feeling, Kenny could always cheer him up by making him laugh.

They each truly cared about him and showed it in their own unique way and Stan couldn’t be more grateful for them.

Kenny continued on after the laughter faded, “That being said, if this whole thing doesn’t work out… Or if you want to just say fuck it and never risk telling him… There’s still time for us to run away together.”

Stan grinned, his voice now filled with matched humor; "I'm still considering it but it will have to wait until after prom."

"And why is that?"

"Because Kyle and I are going together."

"Wait. Slow down... I thought you said..."

"Well not like actual dates... We're going as friends. It was cute at the time. We’re calling it a bro-date."

"Just when I think I can't ship you two anymore than I already do you guys go and do a cute thing like plan a bro-date. Can you guys just please make out already? The suspense is killing me."

"Working on it, dude."

"Well hurry up.”

Stan paused briefly as he contemplated telling Kenny the deadline he had subconsciously put on his heart hours earlier. A reasonable uncertainty holding him back knowing that if he were to tell him it would set it in stone. Create a promise that, while not exactly a written contract, would somehow create an audible vow that would be impossible for him to break.

And for the first time in a long time, Stan felt confident with his ultimate decision.

“I’m going to tell Kyle at prom.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.” Stan said with a hidden smile and a light heart. “Seriously.”

“Fuck yeah, dude! That’s so perfect!” Kenny cheered. “A little cliche but God damnit I love a good romantic trope.”

Before Stan could respond, Kenny’s volume raised even more as a new thought entered into his easily distracted mind, “Oh! And does this mean I get to be your best man at the wedding?"

"What?"

"Well Kyle has Ike and Kyle would have been your’s but due to obvious circumstances... I feel like I'm a great second choice!"

"Can we get through prom first before you start planning our non-existent wedding?"

"I just want verbal confirmation that I get to be best man."

"Yeah of course you'd be my best man, Kenny."

"Fuck yeah.” Kenny’s exuberant voice picking up speed as he ran after the wild ideas springing into his mind, “I don't care what Kyle thinks... We're going to have strippers at your bachelor party. Oh my God... Can I be a stripper at your bachelor party? Or would that be weird because I'm the best man? Fuck it, I want to jump out of a cake so bad. It's happening."

"Dude cut it out! I haven't even told Kyle how I feel about him yet!"

"Oh right…. Fuck.” Kenny took a breath, “Well, just keep these ideas on the back burner."

Stan smiled, “Hey Kenny?”

“Yes, Stanley?”

“All jokes aside…Thanks for being a good friend and listening to me whine about all of this. I think I’d go out of my mind if I didn’t have someone to talk to.”

He couldn’t see it but he could tell by his tone that Kenny was smiling on the other end of the line.

“Course, dude. You know I’ll always have your back. And Stan?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t stress so much about this. It’s all gonna work out. I can feel it.”

“How do you know that?”

Kenny’s pause was so long Stan was sure they had lost connection until he heard his steady, serious voice on the other side;

“Because you deserve a happy ending, Stan.”


	7. Chapter 7

Spring was always an exciting time in South Park. The air itself seemed to feel different as the world around them began to wake up and be filled with hope and promises of a new season of life.

There was still the ever looming chill that would breeze through the air as a constant reminder that no matter how late into spring they were, snow was always right around the corner. But the warm sun and bright colors starting to make their way up from the frozen ground caused even the hardest of souls in their mountain town to add a little extra pep in their step.

But for Stan Marsh, the spring fever was only one of the minor things adding to his glorious mood in the early days of April.

For the first time in ages it seemed as if everything was going right for him. His parents weren’t fighting, his car was running smoothly, he was doing well in school, and of course, the main reason for his joy…that he was going to junior prom with the boy he was desperately in love with.

Of course that boy had no idea he was in love with him. But he would be finding out in just a mere three weeks.

The prospect of telling Kyle about his feelings use to fill Stan with dread and stress but now he only felt excited jitters. Somehow the decision to force a deadline upon himself had eased away some of the tension. But that simple fact was only one of the reasons his anxieties had calmed. Kyle himself was acting different. A good kind of different.

Stan had become very well aware of the change in Kyle ever since they decided on their bro-date. Small things that would have gone unnoticed if Stan wasn’t paying such close attention.

Kyle appeared more touchy feely than normal, often grabbing at his hand to pull him along and taking longer than needed to let go. Or the way he had started brushing the hair from his eyes while lecturing him that he would need a haircut before prom. Stan even caught him once or twice staring at him when he thought he wasn’t paying attention.

Kenny called him an oblivious love sick puppy dog and, for once, Stan was starting to believe him. If only just a little.

Whether or not Kyle was actually beginning to share his feelings, all Stan knew was the extra time they were spending together and the physical closeness they were sharing made the time they spent apart even harder for Stan.

He was starting to become accustom to having him around to the point where he felt lost and alone whenever he wasn’t. Crippled by longing and loneliness even when surrounded by other people.

It was scary to feel so attached, but Stan surrendered himself to the feeling.

Today was one of those days he felt particularly lost without Kyle by his side. With only three weeks to go before prom they realized they needed to spend some time that Saturday picking out their suits.

Stan wanted him and Kyle to go together but Kyle’s mother was insistent that it be a Mother/Son outing and refused. So instead, while Kyle was off somewhere with his Mom, Stan was heading to Tweek Bros Coffee to pick up Kenny so that he would at least have someone to try on overly expensive, one time only outfits with.

Stan had just pulled into a parking spot when he saw out of the corner of his eye the flashing light from his phone telling him he was getting a phone call. Stan glanced briefly at it and when he saw it was Kyle, quickly scooped it up into his grasp, eager to answer before it went to voicemail.

“Hey, dude.”

“Hey, random question… I have my suit picked out but I have no idea what to do about the shirt and tie.”

Stan paused as he tried to figure out what part of that was a question, “Okay?”

“Should I go classic and wear a white shirt and black tie? Or a white shirt and colored tie? Or a colored shirt? Or maybe a white shirt and a colored vest? What were you planning on doing?”

“Uh…”

“You haven’t even thought about it have you?”

“Nope. Not once.”

“Dude.” Kyle sighed, “You are going shopping today. What was your plan?”

“My plan was to show up and pick out something that looked good. I had no idea there were so many options.”

“Okay well if you had to pick a color for me to wear, what would you pick?”

Stan only had to think about it for a second, “Why not green? It'll match your eyes.”

Kyle groaned, “I tried it and I looked like a leprechaun.”

“Really?” Stan grinned.

“Really.” Kyle huffed, “Next to my red fucking hair I looked like I was going on a business meeting at the end of the rainbow.”

Stan felt the laughter come from deep within his stomach and tears came to his eyes. He barely managed to choke out;

“I need a picture of this.”

“Absolutely not! There will be no evidence.”

“Why? You afraid someone might be after your lucky charms?”

Kyle groaned so loud Stan was sure everyone in the parking lot could hear it, “Now I regret telling you. Hey I have to go, my Mom is giving me her ‘I’m waiting look’.”

“Wait. Before you do. What color should I wear?”

“Definitely blue. It's my favorite color on you.”

Stan tried to hide his pleased grin despite no one being able to see him,

“You have a favorite color on me?”

“I… Well yeah… It’s just a good color on you…Don't make it weird, dude.”

“Not weird... That's cute.”

“My Mom’s really getting mad, I gotta go. Bye, Stan.” Kyle muttered out hastily before hanging up the call.

Stan felt a swelling in his chest as he released a breathy chuckle. He kept his eyes on his phone for an elongated second, doubtfully hoping maybe Kyle would call him back. After another beat or two, Stan finally stepped out of his vehicle and headed towards the coffee shop.

Stan took a deep breath and let the sweet and bitter smells engulf his senses as his eyes scanned across the shop looking for Kenny. When he didn’t spot him, he instead took the empty bar stool near the counter next to an all too familiar boy in a blue chullo hat.

“Hey, Craig.”

The boy glanced over at him and gave him a small nod in greeting, “Hey. You picking up Kenny?”

“How’d you guess?”

“Didn’t need to. He wouldn’t shut up about how you guys were getting your suits today.” Craig glanced back down at his phone but continued speaking, “So are you suppose to be getting them this early? Or is that something you can do last minute?”

Stan raised an eyebrow at the seemingly nonchalant boy, “Why do you care?”

Craig paused but kept his eyes firmly on his phone as if looking up at Stan would somehow make him seem vulnerable, “Not sure when I’m suppose to go get mine.”

“Dude, what? Are you actually going to prom?”

Craig glanced up, but only for a moment as he mumbled, “Tweek really wants to go.”

“Awe, dude.” Stan smiled, “That’s really nice.”

Craig rolled his eyes which lead them back to his phone. A moment of stillness passed before Craig’s voice breached the surface again, although he mumbled so quietly Stan almost missed what he had said.

“Oh and… Thanks for telling Kenny to lay off of Tweek…”

Stan glanced over at him but saw that he still had his focus glued to his phone,

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Kenny must have just stopped flirting with him on his own.”

Craig finally looked up at him with strained humor on his features, “Kenny McCormick doesn’t have a single self control bone in his body. I know you told him to stop. So just take the fucking thank you. Okay?”

A rare smile passed across Craig Tucker’s lips but before Stan could comment on it, he saw Tweek approaching the two of them from behind the counter.

“Hey Stan.” Tweek said pleasantly, “Kenny got caught up doing some inventory in the back so I made you a coffee while you wait.”

He handed over to him a large takeaway cup that felt steamy hot to the touch.

“Thanks, Tweek. You didn't need to do that.”

The boy waved it off, “No big deal. The shop is slow right now. Kenny said you liked it really sweet so I made you a caramel macchiato with an extra serving of syrup. I hope that's okay.”

Stan took a small sip, pleased to find that, although the outside felt like fire, the temperature that glided along his tongue was perfect. The sickly sweet goodness making him smile, “It's great!”

He took a deeper sip this time before gesturing towards the normally stoic boy next to him who he could see had finally abandoned his phone now that his boyfriend was in front of him,

“So you managed to convince Craig to go to prom?”

Tweek beamed back in response, “Oh yeah! He claims he doesn't dance but I'm thinking I can convince him."

“No way.” Craig adamantly shook his head, “I’ll get dressed up and go but I draw the line at dancing.”

Tweek reached across the counter and interlaced his fingers with Craig’s. His big brown eyes somehow looking even larger as he tilted his head at Craig who seemed frozen as he stared at his now puppy dog looking boyfriend.

“Please Craig?” He pleaded softly, “What's the point of going to prom if we don’t dance?”

Craig finally sighed as he squeezed Tweek’s hand, “Maybe _one_ dance.”

Tweek grinned in triumph before letting go of his hand and winking over at Stan.

He had to give Tweek credit, he was the only person in the world who could get Craig to agree to just about anything. He was even more impressed with the fact that he hardly ever abused that power. They truly were perfect for each other and honestly made each other better people.

Craig had helped Tweek ween off of his coffee addiction which had helped calm Tweek down immensely over the years. He was still prone to the occasional panic attack but Craig was always right there when he needed him. And Tweek had helped Craig take school more seriously which not only had improved his grades to the point where he was among the top students in the school, but also helped with his attitude.

For everyone who had known Craig as a child, it was a huge surprise to find out he hadn’t spent a single day in detention since the 7th grade. And he was only given detention because he punched a kid hard enough to break his nose and shatter a front tooth. The severely damaging punch thrown all because the boy had called Tweek “The Twitchy Kid” in the school lunch line. So everyone agreed it was justified and that was the last time anyone made fun of Tweek.

No one had expected their relationship to survive middle school, but here they were all these years later still just as crazy about each other. Stan would be jealous if he didn’t find it so endearing.

“So,” Tweek’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “I heard a rumor you're taking Kyle to prom.”

“Oh yeah, not really. We're just going as friends.”

Tweek nodded slowly at him, a strange look in his eye that Stan couldn’t help but think was disbelief. An odd feeling washed over him as he felt Tweek was almost analyzing him. 

“I see.” He said carefully.

Stan took a large sip from his coffee cup as a way to stall as he tried to decide how to answer his response which had seemed almost cryptic in its simplicity. Fortunately Stan didn’t need to come up with something to say in return because just then, Kenny finally appeared.

“Hey sorry I made you wait.” Kenny tossed his apron onto the rack.

“No it’s fine.” Stan glanced over to see Tweek’s curious gaze had turned away and he was now digging in a drawer underneath the counter.

“See ya, gentlemen.” Kenny turned to leave with Stan but was stopped in his tracks by Tweek’s sudden voice.

“Wait! Don’t forget your paycheck, Kenny.” Tweek held out an envelope but Kenny didn’t reach out to take it. Instead he looked confused as he stepped closer to him.

“Pay day isn’t until next Friday.”

“Yeah well…” Tweek looked momentarily uncomfortable before quickly pushing the envelope into Kenny’s hands, “You’ve been working a lot of hours so just think of it as a thanks advance.”

Kenny grasped the envelope and smiled warmly at Tweek, “Thanks, man… Uh…” He leaned a little closer and lowered his voice, “Thanks for letting me take all those extra shifts. Really helps me out.”

Tweek quickly waved it off and went back behind the counter to continue doing his busy work, “You’re the one helping us out, Kenny. We appreciate it.”

Kenny raised the envelope at him in a joint meaning of a thanks and a goodbye before shoving it into his jacket pocket and turning to follow Stan out the door.

Neither spoke of the kindness for reasons of either pride or to prevent the other from seeing any pity. Stan knew Kenny had been quietly worrying about how he would pay for his suit so Stan knew the timing of the “thanks advance” was not a coincidence.

Kenny refused handouts from anyone and although it was his own hard earned money, getting paid early almost felt close enough to charity that Stan knew better than to mention him accepting it. So both boys slipped into the truck knowing a word would never be spoken about it.

As Stan was buckling his seatbelt he heard his phone vibrate in his cupholder. Grabbing it and opening the incoming message without checking to see who it was from first, Stan was thrown off guard and he felt his breath stop and his heart pound when he saw a simple photo of a very shy looking, but unquestionably handsome, Kyle dressed up in a suit. The message below it reading: What do you think?

Stan couldn’t quite put his finger on why that particular photo took his breath away, but it did. And he couldn’t peel his eyes away from it even as Kenny started to notice his stare.

“What the fuck are you looking at?” Kenny questioned, “Oh! Is it from Kyle? Let me see!”

Before he could stop him, Kenny had his phone in his hands and was looking at the photo meant for Stan’s eyes only. Kenny let out a long, low whistle upon seeing it.

“God damn. Kyle looks good in a suit.” He looked back over at Stan and raised a provocative eyebrow, “If you won’t claim him, Marsh. I will gladly take him off your hands.”

Stan tried to snatch the phone from his grasp and shot him a dirty look when he just missed, “Don’t even think about it, Kenny! I love you like a brother but I would have absolutely no problem murdering you in your sleep.”

“I’d like to see you try, Stanley.” Kenny grinned back, “But don’t worry, I’m not a man stealer, and even if I _did_ want Kyle… That precious little firecracker only has eyes for you.”

Stan rolled his eyes but didn’t argue as he started driving the car towards the tux shop downtown.

“Should I respond for you?” Kenny asked, shaking the phone at him.

“Sure. Tell him he looks good.”

“Okay.” Kenny smirked, speaking slowly as he typed, “You....look.... Hot!”

A rush of hot panic shred through Stan and he momentarily forgot he was driving as he shot his arm out to grab the phone, affectively causing the car to drift off the road and head rapidly towards a tree on the sidewalk. Kenny’s frantic shout brought Stan back to reality and he spun the wheel around a mere second before they had collided at full speed.

“Jesus, dude!! Are you trying to kill us?!” Kenny screeched, “I wasn't really going to send that!”

Stan took a few deep breaths to calm the adrenaline that had shot through his body, causing his heart rate to double and his fingers twitch. He opened the window just enough to let some of the breezy spring air into the car. Once he felt almost normal again he shook his head at Kenny. He tried to make his tone serious but it still sounded shaky from the lingering fear of his almost accident.

“I never know with you. I wouldn’t it hold it past you to actually send him something like that thinking you were being funny or helpful.”

Kenny paused as if to argue but thought better of it, “Fair enough. But I'm far too invested in this now to fuck it up for you. Just, make sure you keep your fucking eyes on the road. Cartman will never let you live it down if you actually crash this truck.”

A sharp ringing sound caused both boys to jump until they realized it was the phone still clutched in Kenny’s hand.

“It’s Kyle.” Kenny gave a half smile, “He’s anxiously waiting for your approval. Should I pick up?”

“Yeah just put it on speaker phone.”

Kenny clicked the green answer button and switched to speaker phone, holding it out in-between the two of them,

“Hey you sexy beast!”

There was a brief pause as if Kyle had been thrown off by who answered his call,

“Kenny?”

“The one and only. Stan is driving so I picked up but you’re on speaker phone.”

Stan leaned closer to the phone but kept his eyes firmly on the road, “Hey Kyle.”

“Hey, Stan.” Kyle muttered, “What are you guys doing?”

“Since you weren’t available Stan decided to take me suit shopping instead.” Kenny added, “By the way you look dynamite in your suit.”

“He showed you?” Kyle sounded abashed.

“Nah I stole his phone. I was hoping it was going to be a dick pic but seeing you all dressed up was nice too I guess.”

Stan quickly interrupted, briefly shooting Kenny an exasperated look, “No seriously though! You looked great. Is that what you’re going with?”

“Yeah I think so. You really think it’s okay?”

“Yeah, I loved it.” Stan breathed, “Really, dude. You’ll be the best looking guy at prom.”

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Kenny actively biting down on his fist, clearly fighting the urge to squeal at the comment. Stan suppressed his laugh by smacking him firmly over the head. 

“Where are you guys going?” Kyle’s voice broke through again. clearly uncomfortable from the brief silence.

“To that little place downtown.” Stan answered.

“Allan’s Formal Wear Shop?”

“Yup.”

“Alright.” Kyle responded, “Well good luck guys.”

“Catch you later, dude.”

Kenny hung up and tossed the phone back in the cupholder. Catching Stan’s death glare as he glanced back up at him.

“What?”

“Dick pic? Seriously?”

Kenny merely shrugged, “You say that like I haven’t been a foul mouth little pervert since we were 8-years old.”

Stan sighed, “You know… I can’t even argue with that.”

“Maybe now he’ll “accidentally” send you one.”

“No way.” Stan’s hands slid along the wheel as he turned into the parking lot, “Kyle would find it crude to even take one never mind send one.”

“We have to get that boy to loosen up.” He tossed Stan’s way as he jumped from the truck and headed into the suit shop with Stan following closely behind.

***

It was on the smaller side of the shops that lined the street and it was hardly ever busy considering how few people needed such expensive clothing in their small town. But it was nicely maintained, the cherry oak wood floors that extended across the entirety of the shop gave a classy feel and complimented the two black leather sofas that sat in the open area just outside the dressing rooms.

With a faint hint of aged scotch and old books that decoratively lined the shelves on either side of the room, it was clear that this place was not designed for the type of customers it was accustom to seeing.

Being a small shop meant it only required a single owner and no additional employees. Unfortunately for the lanky man with more hair on his face than the top of his head, he was seeing far too many teenage boys running rampant in his precious store the past few weeks. The cherry on top of this week’s cake was finding that one of the two boys that had stormed into the store this afternoon was even more rambunctious than most. 

Within only fifteen minutes of being inside Kenny very loudly complained that it was “too much a pain in the ass” to keep going in and out of the dressing rooms so had decided to just change right there in the main room to the owner’s pure annoyance.

He painstakingly tried to enforce the use of the dressing rooms but Kenny was having none of that. Eventually he gave up and went off to his office. Grabbing one of the aged scotch bottles from the shelf before calling over his shoulder to let them know when they were ready to pay and get out.

Stan was too relived to be rid of the owner’s watchful eye to be embarrassed by his friend’s antics. The two boys spent the next hour pulling things from the racks, modeling options with laughter and over dramatic compliments and tossing unwanted items to one of the couches. Only half believing Kenny’s promise of cleaning the place up and leaving a hefty tip before they left.

Stan was just buttoning up his eleventh shirt option when he heard a timid voice come from the open doorway to the room.

“Hey guys.”

Stan and Kenny gazed over and saw standing there was a sheepish looking Kyle. Forgetting that his shirt was still half unbuttoned, Stan raised his hand in a wave, a familiar lightness filling his head and warming his insides.

“What are you doing here?” Stan couldn’t stop the smile.

“I uh…” Kyle shoved his hands in his pockets and let his attention fall to the floor, “I figured I would come down and help… Since I didn’t have anything else to do instead. Is that okay or were you guys hoping it would just be you two?”

“Course, dude. Glad you’re here!”

Kyle peaked back up with a smile but the look changed as his eyes slowly dropped to Stan’s exposed chest. Stan followed his eyesight and chuckled which brought a bright red color to Kyle’s cheeks.

“Sorry dude. It was getting to be a pain in the ass to go in and out of the dressing rooms and no one else was here so we figured why not.”

“It’s fine.” Kyle mumbled before averting his gaze to look over at Kenny, who was admiring his shirtless self in the mirror.

“This is the best look I've had yet. I might just go to prom like this!”

“Mr. Mackey would never let you into prom without a shirt, dude.” Kyle rolled his eyes before taking a seat on the leather couch that wasn’t covered in discarded clothing.

“It would be a crime not to let someone who looked this good into prom.” Kenny rebutted.

Stan shot Kyle a sarcastic look who, in return, tried to suppress a smirk, “That may be but I’d still pick out a shirt, you know, just in case.”

Kenny nodded slowly while keeping his eyes on his reflection, “Fair enough.”

Kenny stepped away from the mirror to go off in search of a shirt leaving Stan and Kyle alone. They watched each other for a moment in silence as Stan finished up buttoning his shirt. Kyle nodded towards it.

“The royal blue looks nice. Good choice.”

“Yeah.” Stan chuckled, “I learned today that there are about 20 different kinds of blue. But I think I like this one the best.”

“It’s perfect. It brings out your eyes.”

Stan tilted his head to get a better look at Kyle who seemed to be biting his lip self consciously. Stan liked to think it was Kyle’s best attempt at flirting and Stan wanted to encourage him by flirting back, but instead of coming up with something witty, or provoking, all he managed to do was awkwardly gesture towards the tie sitting next to him on the couch.

“Can you, uh, bring that to me?”

Stan had to turn away to prevent Kyle from seeing how hard he bit down on his tongue, embarrassed and annoyed at himself for asking Kyle to do an errand instead of saying something clever. But if Kyle felt awkward about it, Stan couldn’t tell since he didn’t miss a beat as he scooped up the accessory and brought it over to Stan.

The two boys glanced into the mirror at Stan’s reflection as he made an attempt at tying it. His sudden nerves brought on by his own awkwardness only made worse when he realized he didn’t know the proper way to tie a tie.

It had been years since he wore one and the last time he did, he could remember his mother had finished it after he gave up from frustration. Desperately trying to will his fingers into attempting a skill they had never really learned, Stan tried to keep his face casual. But as was always the case, nothing got past Kyle.

“Want me to help you with that?”

“No, I got it.”

Kyle chuckled, “No you don’t.”

“I got it, dude. Just give me a minute.”

Kyle dramatically rolled his eyes before stepping in front of Stan, affectively blocking his view of his own reflection and batted away his hands.

“Just let me help you.”

Stan felt his body stiffen but only just slightly. He took a deep breath to help ease the tension and found upon doing so that Kyle suddenly had a distinct scent attached to him that was not normal. He smelled nice, sweet, yet earthy with a hint of musk.

“Are you wearing cologne?” Stan blurted out.

Kyle’s fingers stopped their motion briefly but he quickly recovered and continued, not glancing up;

“Oh yeah. A little.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you put cologne on in our whole lives.”

“My Dad got some and I saw it was in the bathroom before I left. It smelled nice and I don’t know…” Kyle mumbled out in a fluster as his hands quickened.

“I like it. It smells good.”

Kyle finally looked back at him, his green eyes locking in on Stan’s blue. A glimmer in them that Stan only just caught before he looked back down to finish the tie, smoothing it down with his fingers and then reaching across to gently tuck his collar properly.

He was standing too close and Stan felt overwhelmed by the warmth and the overpowering smell of the cologne. Getting lost in the feel of the moment as it started making him feel the most pleasant form of dizzy.

“There.” Kyle looked back up at Stan who stood frozen. He was close enough that Stan could easily graze his cheek with his knuckles, place his fingers under his chin, and barely have to lean in to place his lips on his. But the moment that felt like it could last forever ended all too soon when Kyle finally stepped back to look at Stan’s reflection.

A light smile lit up Kyle’s face as he took Stan in completely but it lasted only a moment before his brows furrowed seeing Stan’s face.

“You okay, dude? You seem… Tense?”

Stan internally scolded himself for letting his inner turmoil come through so clearly and quickly nodded his head, “Yeah I’m fine.”

Kyle frowned not believing him but decided not to push him.

“Well you look great. You should start wearing suits more often.”

“I’d be all dressed up with no where to go. South Park isn’t exactly ripe with fancy places.”

Kyle reached over to adjust the already perfect tie,

“We could find somewhere to go.”

“Yeah?”

“Sure, why not. we’ll need another excuse to wear these ridiculously expensive suits.”

Kyle’s attention was pulled from Stan’s face when he saw Kenny finally reemerge out of his peripheral vision.

“Dude why did it take you this long to pick out one shirt?”

Kenny stumbled but only briefly, “Uh…Lots of options?”

Stan chuckled as he looked over at Kenny, realizing he must have been hiding away to give the two of them some privacy. He knew he would get an earful from him after the fact that he didn’t kiss him but he would worry about that later.

Kenny came over to stand next to the other two to look into the mirror. A grin extending across his features and lighting up his blue eyes as he looked at his friends.

“We’re going to prom boys.”

“Yeah so?” Kyle asked.

“It’s just crazy. You know? We’re growing up.” Kenny beamed at his two friends, “Should we hug? I feel like this is a hugging moment.”

Before his friends had a chance to answer, Kenny flung his arms around them both and squeezed them tightly. The two laughing and squeezing him back even after dramatically telling Kenny he was choking them, they still clung tightly to each other.

It might have seemed like nothing to most. But it was a big deal to them.

They were growing up, things were changing. For better or for worse they couldn’t say yet.

But things were starting to look up and all Stan could think about was how perfect everything in his life seemed. How he had never been happier.

What could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes Stanley… What could possibly go wrong?


	8. Chapter 8

With two weeks and two days to go before prom… Not that Stan was counting… The boy didn’t think there was anything that could spoil the good mood he had been riding on for quite sometime now. He especially didn’t think a simple phone call could dampen his spirits. But then again, this was just Stan Marsh’s luck.

It was late afternoon and Stan was at home when he received the disappointing phone call from Kyle;

“Wanna hear something weird?”

Stan smiled upon hearing Kyle’s voice despite the strange greeting. He stretched an arm behind his head as he leaned back against the wall in his room;

“Sure.”

Kyle’s brief pause on the other end of the line didn’t give Stan enough warning for the words he was about to hear; “Cartman asked me today why we didn't tell him you and I were dating.”

Stan’s heart stopped, “What?”

“Yeah I guess there's a rumor kind of going around... Well a small circle rumor… That we’re dating because Craig told Red we were going to prom together and then Red told Cartman…”

“Why would Red have anything to say to Cartman?”

“I guess they are kind of together now. They're going to prom together at least.”

“Oh.”

There was a long painful silence as both boys tried to decide who would be the next to speak. Stan wasn’t entirely sure why he felt so panicked. What was wrong with people thinking they were dating? They certainly were acting as if they were lately… Stan truly wished they were dating… But part of him knew that wasn’t how he wanted Kyle to find out about his feelings for him. And it was definitely not how he would want to find out if Kyle felt something for him.

The moment he finally confessed his feelings was suppose to be special. Stan had been thinking about what he would say to Kyle at prom for two weeks now. He couldn’t let the nosy whispers of the people in this town who had nothing better to do spoil this for him.

But apparently what Stan was worried about was not the same thing that Kyle was worried about as the silence became too much for him and he broke in with a suggestion Stan wasn’t anticipating;

“Yeah so I didn't know if you thought that was weird or if it made you uncomfortable and you wanted to just forget the whole thing… Not go to prom together that is.”

“What? No!” Stan’s thumping heart began echoing in his ears, his body lurching forward as if the movement would stop it from happening. He took a breath to steady his racing thoughts;

“I Just…I mean... Well... Does it make you uncomfortable?”

The pause lasted seconds but Stan felt as though he went through two lifetimes before he heard Kyle’s voice again;

“It was a little surprising to hear for sure and… Honestly I don’t really know how I feel about it... But you know how small towns are... They look way too deep into things and create their own fabrications out of boredom… It’s ridiculous really…”

Stan’s heart sunk deeper as Kyle’s ramblings continued. His high hopes being crushed as Kyle’s lengthy excuses diminished everything he had begun to believe over the past few weeks.

Had he read all the signs wrong? All the moments, the extra touches, the fragile memories that Stan had held so close to his heart suddenly felt like they were merely a magician’s trick and the allusion broken as the veil was ripped from his eyes.

“So…” Stan finally spoke, the defeat unable to be hidden from his tone. “What do you want to do about it?”

“As long as it's not weird for you... I guess it's not weird for me... I mean it's not like we’re secretly dating or something.” Kyle chuckled awkwardly and it tore another hole into Stan’s heart, “We're just going as friends so what does it matter what people say?”

Stan felt painfully sick to his stomach, like he had been punched in the gut. His chest and body heavy with the weight of disappointment. He pulled his hat down over his eyes and brought a knee close to his chest to rest his chin on.

“Yeah... Totally.”

“Alright cool so nothing changes! Anyways, I just wanted you to hear it from me and not through the grapevine.” Kyle sounded almost cheerful which only made Stan feel worse.

“Yeah for sure. Appreciate it dude.”

“You okay, Stan?”

_No_

“Yeah. Just tired.”

“You still want to go together right? Because if you don’t it’s fine… Really.”

“I still really want to go to prom with you, Kyle. I’m okay. I guess the news just kind of… Surprised me…”

“Dude, you sound upset. And don’t say you’re not. I know you too well. What’s going on?”

Stan paused as he tried to come up with something convincing that could explain his sudden mood change. When he couldn’t come up with anything reasonable, he instead tossed out the first distracting thought he could think of to divert the topic, “I guess I’m worried about Red. Not sure how the hell she wound up dating Cartman and I’m concerned for her mental stability.”

An unprepared laugh escaped from Kyle’s lips and it somehow made Stan’s heart hurt worse.

“I have to get going but seriously, dude. If you’re not okay please tell me.”

“I’m good, Kyle.”

“Well call me if you need to later.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

Stan clicked off the phone and tossed it to the side, grateful to not have to strain to speak anymore. He thought about crawling into bed, sleeping off the dreadful feelings consuming him but he also felt antsy like he needed to burn off his frustrations somehow. It was a strange combination and he wasn’t sure how to handle it.

Finally he pulled his hat back from his eyes and picked up his phone. Typing before he could change his mind;

**Stan Marsh:** What are you doing?

He wrapped his free arm around his knee as he waited for the response that took longer than usual.

**Kenny McCormick:** Watching Porn. Why?

**Stan Marsh:** Dude! Wtf? Why would you tell me that?

**Kenny McCormick:** You asked, dude. What? Did you want me to lie to you?

**Stan Marsh:** Yes, Kenny. If I ask you what you're doing and you're watching porn... Please just lie to me.

**Kenny McCormick:** Noted. What's up?

**Stan Marsh:** Want to go for a walk?

**Kenny McCormick:** Sure let me just put some clothes on.

**Stan Marsh:** Why the hell aren't you wearing clothes?

A minute passed before another text came through.

**Kenny McCormick:** Is this another instance when I should lie to you?

**Stan Marsh:** Yeah dude… Just… Never mind. I’ll meet you by your place in about 15 minutes.

***

It was cooler that evening and the clouds covering what was left of the sunshine certainly didn’t help. Stan shoved his ungloved hands in his pockets, which only made his appearance even more gloomy with his slouched shoulders and eyes lowered.

Kenny and Stan had walked all the way to the town’s playground before the silence was finally broke.

“So, what’s going on?” Kenny asked carefully.

“Nothing. Why?”

“Don’t lie, Stan. You always want to go for a walk when you’re upset.”

Stan glanced over at his friend who was watching him with calm patience, “Didn’t realize I was so predictable.”

“Or I’m just a very observant friend. But sure… Blame yourself. I don’t need the credit for being awesome.” When Stan didn’t even smile, Kenny playfully knocked his shoulder with his own. “Nah come on, Stanley. Tell your best buddy Kenny what’s wrong in that pretty little head of yours.”

Stan paused to bite the inside of his cheek as he contemplated his options. Seeing no reason not to tell him, Stan finally sighed;

“It’s Kyle.”

“I figured as much.”

“Then why didn’t you just say so?”

Kenny shrugged and changed directions so that they were heading into the playground. Stan reluctantly followed him to the swing set, eyeing Kenny carefully as he plopped himself down on one of the swings.

“I wasn’t going to drag it out of you if you didn’t want to talk about it. I knew you’d say something when you were ready. So what’s going on?”

Stan placed a hand on the back of his neck and anxiously rubbed at it subconsciously. Deciding to finally give in and take a seat at the swing next to Kenny. Feeling oddly vulnerable and yet secure in the seat he looked over at Kenny who had both hands on the chain closest to him. His cheek resting on his knuckles as he waited for Stan to speak.

Stan spilled the entirety of their phone conversation doing the best he could to describe every detail, even down to Kyle’s inflections and tone of voice. Recalling the ordeal reopened the fresh wound but he didn’t stop and Kenny listened on quietly and patiently.

“It's so weird, dude.” Stan sighed, “One minute I think he's super into me... And then he says shit like that and I just don't know what to think anymore. Am I stupid? Did I see something that wasn’t actually there?”

Kenny shook his head in response. When he finally spoke his voice sounded more soft and tender than it normally did, “No, you’re not stupid. Because I’ve seen it too. I don’t know why he said that, especially now. It’s definitely weird…But if I were to guess, I honestly think Kyle has no idea he’s in love with you.”

Stan wasn’t sure how to feel about that but he clung to his words and felt himself lean closer to Kenny, desperate for any explanation that might still lead back to the conclusion that Kyle did have feelings for him, even if he didn’t know that he did.

But even with the new hope clinging to him, he still had the undeniable doubt looming overhead like a darkening storm cloud.

“I don’t know, Kenny.”

“Believe whatever you want but I have known you both for practically forever and I’ve been watching you two very closely the past few weeks and you guys just don’t act like best friends. You guys act like you’re a couple… Well minus some of the typical couple stuff…But still very much more than just friends. I have been inches away from mashing your faces together and screaming ‘just kiss already’ more times than I can count.” Kenny chuckled, “You two are kind of driving me crazy. And I really don’t think I would feel that way if Kyle _didn’t_ have feelings for you.”

“But how could someone not know they are in love with someone? It’s a totally different feeling than anything else.”

“Dude, I don’t know. I don’t usually do all this mushy shit. Maybe he’s in denial?”

That hurt for reasons Stan couldn’t quite understand and he swallowed hard before releasing his hands from the swing chains and dropping them to his lap. He kept his eyes on his hands as he spoke;

“You still wanna run away together? Because I'm about ready to say fuck it and not tell him.”

“No! No way! You have come too far to back out now!”

“I just have a bad feeling about the whole thing.”

Kenny grabbed the chains on Stan’s swing and spun him around, forcing them to face each other. The sudden movement jolted Stan and his hands instinctively jumped up as if to catch himself from falling, unintentionally landing on Kenny’s knees which brought them even closer together.

“Don’t let all these stupid things get into your head. Hey, look at me dude. Stanley, come on…” Kenny grabbed Stan by both sides of his face and forced him to look up, “You are going to make yourself miserable if you keep doing this. Just stick with your plan. I don’t know what’s going to happen but I can say that all signs are pointing to Kyle being as crazy about you as you are about him.”

“But what about what he said?”

“You’re going to let that one insignificant little conversation override everything else? Seriously?”

“It kinda changed everything.”

“You moron, it changed nothing! He even said he still wants to go to prom with you. He was giving _you_ the option to back out. He wasn’t trying to back out.”

Stan hesitated, he knew Kenny was right but his cruel brain kept whispering more and more doubts into his ear. His anxieties overriding any optimism he had left.

“I don’t know… I just…”

“What the fuck is it going to take with you?” Kenny groaned and shook Stan’s face, “That does it. Tell me right now that you are going to tell Kyle at prom or I’ll…. Or I’ll kiss you.”

“What?” Stan laughed.

“I swear to God, Stanley. I’ll do it! Right now! With tongue and everything!”

Stan tried to pull away but was laughing too hard to break free. “Dude, stop!”

“Say it, Stan!”

“Ok fine! I…”

But Stan never got to finish that sentence because it was then they heard the crunching sound of dirt and dead leaves beneath soft footsteps. Both boys looked over and became frozen in disbelief for a moment when they saw before them a stunned looking Kyle. His features unreadable in the shadows that cascaded across his face.

Stan realized then where his hands still rested and he immediately pulled them back as if they had landed on a hot surface. Kenny, with his eyes still firmly on Kyle, didn’t let go of Stan’s face which kept them close together.

Kyle continued staring at them suspiciously, hands firmly clenched on the straps of his backpack, his posture stiff; “What are you guys doing?”

Stan’s throat closed up as his brain tried to make sense of his tone. Was he angry? Jealous? Stan begged for another clue but couldn’t bring himself to speak so Kenny answered for him;

“Making out.”

Kyle’s eyes narrowed and his mouth tightened into a firm line clearly showing that he was unamused by the comment. Kenny became uncomfortable which was a rare feeling for him and he let go of Stan causing his swing to begin to sway back and forth adding to his dizzy sensation.

“What are you doing here, Kyle?” Stan asked in a strained voice, a trickling of fear starting to grow as Kyle continued giving them death stares.

“I had a debate club practice. We have that big meet tomorrow so it ran late. Figured I would take a short cut home. Didn’t expect to find you guys… snuggling in the park.”

Stan choked out a laugh, feeling the beginnings of relief fill him as he came to realize that Kyle was furiously jealous.

“We weren’t snuggling. Kenny was just trying to kiss me…”

Stan stopped abruptly when he realized what came out of his mouth. Kyle raised an eyebrow as if that were proof enough just as he saw Kenny put his head in his hands and released a defeated groan, whispering “Dude, what the fuck.” under his breath.

“Okay no… That’s not what I meant…”

“Whatever Stan. It’s really none of my business what you and Kenny do in the park.”

Kyle turned to leave but halted when Stan called out to him, “I’ll be at your debate club meet tomorrow! What time?”

Kyle didn’t turn back around but hesitantly responded over his shoulder, “7:00. Guess I’ll see you guys there.”

Stan watched Kyle walk away up until Kenny smacked his arm with the back of his hand;

“What the fuck are you doing? Go after him!”

“What do you mean?”

Kenny looked at him as if he wanted to slap some sense into him, “Your future husband is walking away after thinking we were just hooking up in the park! I’m all about playing hard to get but I do not trust that boy to be alone with his thoughts! Now hurry the fuck up!”

Stan looked back over at the direction Kyle’s form had disappeared, “He did seem… Angry about seeing us here. Do you think he was jealous?”

“Oh my fucking God.” Kenny groaned, “Yes he was fucking jealous, Stanley! Jesus fucking christ!!”

As if that was all the confirmation that Stan needed to hear, he jumped from the swing and went to run after Kyle. He stopped short when he was a few feet away and turned back to Kenny;

“Oh and thanks, dude. You okay getting home?”

“Appreciate the concern, Stanley. But I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself. Now you go take care of you.” He pointed a long finger in Kyle’s original direction, “Set the record straight before Kyle sneaks into my room and murders me.”

Stan chuckled and ran off as fast as his feet would take him until he saw Kyle walking with determination down the sidewalk. Stan grinned upon seeing his form and called out to him with enthusiasm;

“Kyle!”

He froze in his spot and turned towards him slowly which gave Stan enough time to catch up to him, a sheepish smile on his face while he breathlessly said;

“Hi.”

“Hi?” Kyle responded with dry confusion.

“Can I walk you home?”

Even in the dim light Stan could see the blush accumulate on Kyle’s cheeks which made Stan’s smile grow.

“I guess.”

Kyle turned and continued his trek to his house but at a significantly slower speed. Stan walked alongside of him, stealing a glance and keeping his focus on him as he spoke.

“I should have been honest with you before.”

Kyle’s face shot towards him, anticipation mixed with fear playing on his features, “About?”

“I wasn’t okay earlier. When you called and you asked if I was okay? I wasn’t. I should have told you instead of going to talk to Kenny about it.”

“Oh.” Kyle didn’t look relieved but he no longer looked fearful.

“And we weren’t making out. Kenny was just trying to cheer me up.”

“Why didn’t you just talk to me? What could Kenny tell you that I can’t?” Kyle’s brow furrowed, “Don’t get me wrong… Kenny is a great friend, but he’s not exactly the best at giving advice.”

Stan paused to take a calming breath, “He’s just what I needed at the moment. It wasn’t something you could help with.”

“Is it because I nag you too much?”

Stan grinned playfully, “Maybe. It can be a bit much sometimes.”

Kyle shot him a dirty look but it fell when he saw Stan’s grin. “Fair enough.”

“What’s bugging you, Kyle?”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb. You’re annoyed. It’s so obvious.”

Kyle sighed, “I don’t know. It’s just you, and Kenny, and this fucking town spreading rumors, and you’re acting different, and prom, and every day we’re getting closer to graduation, and then everyone is going to leave… and…”

“Kyle breathe!”

“Everything is changing and I feel like I’m starting to lose my mind.”

Kyle looked panicked and it made Stan’s own heart start to race. He spoke slowly, trying to calm himself as much as he was trying to soothe Kyle;

“Sometimes change is good.”

“Sometimes… But I don’t know.” Kyle looked over at Stan, his gaze so serious and captivating Stan felt frozen in his stare. “Please don’t change, Stan. I don’t think I could handle it if you changed. Maybe I can take everything else, if I have to. But I don’t know what I would do if you changed.”

“Kyle…” Stan breathed, a trickling of fear starting in him again. “I…I don’t know how to respond to that.”

“Just say you won’t change. Please Stan? So I can keep a little piece of my sanity.”

“I don’t know what you mean. How can I promise that I won’t change?”

“Just keep being you, Stan.” Kyle offered him a weak smile, “That sweet, stubborn, cynical, guy that I can always count on. Always be my best friend.”

It should have been an easy enough promise to agree to but it made Stan uncomfortable somehow. As if he was bound to break it if he acknowledged it. So he didn’t repeat back the promise and simply nodded his head, hoping the gesture would be enough.

“Alright, Kyle.”

He looked instantly relieved, as if a world’s worth of tension had finally been pulled off his shoulders and he smiled at Stan;

“Thanks, dude. Maybe it sounds stupid. But knowing nothing will ever change between us makes me feel better.”

Stan looked away from him then, a strange guilt settling in his stomach at those words.

“Yeah, dude.” He muttered, “Sure thing.”

***

The next evening Stan found himself patting down his hair one final time before he tore his eyes away from his car mirror. He felt lost without his signature poof ball hat but he just didn’t feel it was appropriate for the occasion. Plus, the bright blue and red beanie cap certainly didn’t go with his outfit, which was the fourth one he had tried on that evening. Not that he would ever admit that to anyone.

Stan wasn’t sure why he cared so much about what he looked like. He was certain Kyle would be up on stage and unable to see him the entire night. But still, he thought Kyle would appreciate the effort in case he did catch a glimpse of him.

Stan checked the time on his car radio to make sure he wasn’t too early. When he saw it was 6:30 he decided that was fine enough to make his way inside. He stepped out of the car and headed towards the auditorium where the debate meet was to be held.

It seemed like the school had put in some serious extra effort into the set up which only reminded Stan of how important it was. The realization making him feel a little bit nervous for Kyle. He tried to shake away the butterflies as he glanced around the area.

He was surprised to see the place was already half full with family and friends of both teams. The room a dull kind of noisy as everyone greeted each other and made their way to their seats. Stan was wandering around looking for a good spot when he distinctly heard his name be called out.

Stan looked in the direction of the voice, spotting immediately a girl with a warm smile approaching him. Her sleek black hair tied back in a navy blue ribbon that matched her knee length dress. When she was close enough she wrapped him up in a tight hug which he returned.

“Hey, Wendy.” He smiled.

“Stan, I’m so glad you could make it!” She responded back with relaxed enthusiasm.

The two had dated off and on since they were children but had broken up for the final time halfway through their freshman year of high school. The finality of the separation had been difficult on both of them since they were all each other had ever known but, even so, they knew it was for the best.

Stan had been forever grateful that the two of them had been able to maintain a close friendship even after the break up. It was proof that they were better off as friends, and both couldn’t have been happier about that.

“Yeah Kyle said it was kind of a big deal so I didn’t want to miss it.”

Wendy smiled and looked him over, “Well I’m glad _you_ at least know how to dress for the occasion. We had to send Clyde home to change.”

Stan blinked in confusion as he took in what she said, “ _Clyde_ is on the debate team?”

Wendy half shrugged in return, “We were short a person, he needed something that looked decent on his college application. Win, win. Plus he sometimes makes such ridiculous arguments during debates that it throws the other team off. So he’s actually not terrible. Who knew?”

Stan noticed then that the room was quickly filling up, “I should go find a place to sit.”

“Go sit with Bebe. She saved a few spots in the front row.”

“Front row? I don’t know…” Stan muttered, unsure.

“Why not? Kyle is super nervous, it might be nice for him to be able to see you while he’s up there.”

“I don't know how much that would help.”

Wendy tilted her head and shot him a look, “Trust me. It will.”

She gestured for him to follow which he reluctantly did as she lead him over to where Bebe was sitting back relaxed in her seat, reapplying a shade of bright red lipstick.

“Can Stan sit with you?” Wendy asked.

Bebe flashed them a smile and patted the seat next to her, “Of course.”

“I need to get backstage but I’ll let Kyle know you made it.” Wendy squeezed his shoulder before heading off.

Stan took the seat next to Bebe and rested his elbows on his knees. He repeatedly glanced between the clock and the stage, anxious for the debate to begin. His focus pulled when he heard Bebe break the silence.

“So a little birdie told me something about you..” She cooed.

Stan felt his body tense up, “Oh yeah?”

She nodded, “Apparently you’re some great singer/song writer. Wendy was telling me that Kyle was gushing to her all about how talented you are.”

“He was?” Stan felt a fluttery feeling in his stomach as he sat up straighter to be able look at Bebe full on. Desperate to hear more things Kyle might have said about him.

“Oh yeah. So I was wondering if maybe you wanted to play a song or two at prom?”

The fluttery feeling vanished and was replaced with dread pooling in his stomach. 

“Oh no.” He quickly shook his head, “I appreciate it Bebe but there's no way I could get up in front of our whole class and perform.”

“You need to have your debut somewhere. Why not at prom?”

“Because fucking up in front of all our classmates sounds like the worst way to go down.”

Bebe chuckled and shrugged, “Fair enough. But if you change your mind, let me know. I’d be happy to keep a spot open for you. I wouldn’t normally do that, but I trust Wendy, and Kyle was apparently very adamant that you were extremely talented.”

Stan couldn’t resist the pull at his cheeks causing a smile to brighten his features. The idea that Kyle had been talking about him and complimenting his abilities to other people somehow made him feel excited. He wanted to press Bebe for more information but before he could, he saw the lights in the auditorium dim and the stage light up. Cueing the attendees to take their seats before the competition could began.

Stan sat up straighter his eyes glued to the stage as the debate team took their places. As the team leader, Kyle came out first. He looked tense and nervous, his fists tightly clenched and it made Stan feel anxious for him. When he took his seat, Kyle’s eyes swept the crowd, stopping when they found Stan’s.

Stan smiled and lifted his hand in a small wave hoping it would encourage him. Kyle seemed to physically relax when he saw the gesture, his face lighting up with a small smile.

Stan clasped his hands together in his lap and kept his eyes on Kyle, his focus not leaving him for even a second during the entirety of the debate.

The team did an amazing job, especially Kyle, and even Clyde had done surprisingly well. It was a triumphant victory and everyone in the audience from South Park cheered when they were declared the winners. Shortly after, when the team emerged from backstage, they were swept up in hugs and photos from their families. Stan stood back not wanting to intrude but it wasn’t long at all before he saw Kyle break from the crown to find him.

“You made it!” Kyle beamed at him.

“Of course. You said it was important to you. I wasn’t going to miss it.”

“Where’s Kenny?”

“Oh I don't know.” Stan shrugged. “He’s here somewhere. I thought I saw him sitting with Butters. Why?”

“Oh.” Kyle’s eyes seem to almost brighten, “I just thought he'd be here with you.”

“Nope just me. I hope that's okay…”

“Yeah!” Kyle exclaimed a little too enthusiastically, “It's great. Uh so everyone is going to the pizza place to celebrate, did you want to come?”

Stan thought about it, “Well if you have your heart set on it then sure. But I was thinking maybe you and I could go somewhere together. Just us?” Stan felt briefly self conscious about making the suggestion, “If you want.”

Kyle nodded back looking pleased, “Yeah sure. What did you have in mind?”

***

An hour later Stan and Kyle found themselves eating burgers in the tailgate of Stan’s pick up truck at Stark’s Pond. The uncharacteristically warm night allowing them to enjoy the quiet of the evening while everyone else in town seemed to be overcrowding the few dining places around.

“I hope you don’t mind this.” Stan asked, taking a sip from his takeaway soda cup. “Everywhere else just seemed crazy.”

“No, it’s nice. I don’t get you all to myself like this much anymore.” Kyle cleared his throat and picked at his fries. “I didn’t want to have to listen to everyone pull me aside and talk about the debate anyways so this is better.”

“Really? But you did so good. I thought you’d like to hear everyone compliment you.”

“It’s nice for a bit but once you leave the school people start giving you details about things you didn’t notice and then you start overthinking everything and it kind of kills your victory high.”

“Were you nervous?” Stan asked, leaning back on one of his hands and glancing over at Kyle.

“Actually, yeah. Way more nervous than I thought I’d be. But…” He paused and looked almost embarrassed for a minute.

“What?” Stan noticed the change and tried to catch his eye, “But what?”

Kyle hesitated and picked at more of his fries, more as a distraction than from actually being hungry, “I saw you in the crowd and it calmed me down. I know that sounds lame but…”

“No, it doesn’t. I get it.” Stan nodded and swallowed down the fluttering butterflies beginning to bloom in his stomach, “I felt like that when I sang for you the first time. I was so nervous and then I saw you just looking back at me and it calmed me down.”

The two locked eyes for an extended moment before they both quickly looked away, pretending to be occupied by the last few bites of their meal.

“Speaking of my songs.” Stan jumped in to prevent any awkward silence, “Can you believe Bebe asked me to perform at prom?”

Kyle looked up at him immediately, “She did?”

“Yeah. But I told her there was no way I would.”

“Why not? You absolutely should!” Kyle said encouragingly. “Even if it’s just one song. You can play the song you played me.”

Stan felt the heat rise to his neck and he rubbed at is subconsciously, “Uh, no I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“That one is uh….” Stan tried to avoid Kyle’s eyes but when he felt them staring into him he couldn’t help but look up, “It's kind of personal.”

“I thought you said it was ‘just a song’?”

Stan stared at him, his mouth becoming dry, no words coming to his brain despite his desperate internal screams to come up with something. After a far too long moment, he watched as Kyle’s lips tightened and his shoulders slumped slightly;

“You're just full of secrets these days apparently.” He said before taking a long sip from his drink. The awkward silence didn’t last as long as Stan feared before Kyle interjected again, “You should reconsider playing at prom though. It might be good for you to start playing in front of more people.”

“Why? No point really.”

“Well, I was thinking maybe you could pursue a career in music?” Kyle spoke as if he were sure but it was hard to miss the bit of trepidation in his voice.

Stan crinkled his eyebrows, “A career in music? I don’t know about that.”

“Well it’s something to think about at least. I was doing some research and thought maybe you’d want to go to a music school for college. I know, I’m getting too involved again, but since you haven’t really made any plans yet, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to look up some schools and Berklee College of Music has amazing majors in song writing and production and so much more. It’s in Boston and I…”

Stan suddenly felt overwhelmed at how much information was getting thrown at him. His brain feeling like it was short circuiting as his chest began to tighten; “Boston? Wait… Kyle I don’t know about this. I could barely play for you… Doing that for a living sounds like a nightmare, and who even said I wanted to go all the way to Boston for school?”

Kyle looked hurt, “But you have a real gift Stan… And I just thought…”

“I don't think I'm good enough for a music school. And Boston? That's like so far away, dude... I thought we would just stay around here. I kind of always assumed I’d go to Denver. I don’t need to go to the other side of the country just for people to tell me I have no shot in the music industry.”

“Why settle yourself in Denver when there is a whole world out there? And I thought Berklee would be good for you because I was thinking of applying to Harvard so we wouldn’t be at the same school but we’d at least be in the same city.”

“Wait, _you_ want to go to school all the way out there? The guy who is so afraid of change wants to completely uproot his life?” Stan stared at him in disbelief as Kyle’s appearance very quickly began changing from adamant to annoyed.

“I don’t want to be stuck here my whole life. But whatever you want Stan. I thought maybe we could go to schools close together but if you want to stay here in shitty South Park then that's fine with me.

“I didn't say I wanted to stay in South Park. I’m just saying… I don’t know… You’re just throwing a lot at me at once. Fifteen minutes ago I didn’t even have a single plan for college or my future and now here you are planning everything out for me… It’s just a lot, dude.” Stan felt a strange tightness in his chest that he couldn’t explain. “We’re only juniors. I wasn’t ready to think about this yet.”

“You have to start thinking about it, dude.” Kyle’s irritation overpowering his attempts at sounding responsible. “We have to start applying for schools in the fall. That’s only a few months away.”

Stan only had seconds to take in Kyle’s disappointed features before he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. Welcoming the unexpected distraction he quickly reached for it and opened up the text immediately.

**Kenny McCormick:** Last minute after debate party at Bebe’s. Finish making out with your boyfriend and let’s go.

Stan couldn’t help but laugh, the stress that had developed in his chest slowly dissipating.

**Stan Marsh:** After debate party?

**Kenny McCormick:** Any excuse for a party am I right? Get your asses down here!

“Is that Kenny?” Kyle’s timid voice broke Stan from his thoughts and he glanced up to see him awkwardly pulling at the cuff of his shirt sleeve.

“Yeah it was.” Stan went to tell him about the party but Kyle cut him off before he could.

“I guess I don't really ever get you all to myself with Kenny always around... Even when he's not actually around.” Kyle rolled his eyes.

“Don’t be that way, dude. He was just telling me that…”

“No.” Kyle interrupted, his tone becoming harsher with every passing second, “It’s none of my business what you and Kenny talk about. I’m sure it’s some big secret that only you two can know about.”

Stan was thrown off by the sudden anger. Unable to keep his own temper in check he became unintentionally defensive.

“What are you even talking about, dude?”

“I’m saying you should go hang out with your new best friend Kenny!”

Stan shook his head, confused by the abrupt change in attitude, “What the fuck is your problem right now?”

“ _My_ problem?!”

“Yeah we were just sitting here talking and now all of a sudden out of nowhere you’re freaking out.”

“I am _not_ freaking out.”

“Then what do you call this?” Stan gestured at him, his brows furrowed in confusion and annoyance.

“It’s just…” Kyle looked flustered, like he couldn’t remember his original point. “Best friends tell each other everything, Stan! So what am I suppose to think when you have been hiding something from me for weeks?”

“I’m not…”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, dude. It’s so obvious. And all you want to do lately is talk to Kenny or apparently make out with him in the park!”

“We weren’t making out! And even if we were, what does that matter? Why are you so interested in what Kenny and I are doing? It’s like you’re jealous of him or something.”

Kyle’s features darkened and it appeared as if daggers were ready to fly from his green eyes, “I am _not_ jealous of Kenny.”

“You sure? Cause you're acting like it.” Stan knew this wasn’t the time to try and pry a confession out of Kyle but he couldn’t help it. This wasn’t how he wanted to find out the truth but the temptation was stronger than his logic and he continued to push him simply because he wanted to hear Kyle admit his jealousy more than anything.

“Oh this is just like you to divert the conversation and make me the root of the problem.”

“I’m not diverting anything!” Stan practically shouted, “You seem to have a problem with Kenny and I want to know what it is.”

“I don’t have a problem with Kenny. I have a problem that you two are obviously dating and you won’t tell me for some reason!” 

“Dude I am not dating Kenny! How many times do I have to say it?”

“Well you sure are acting like it!” Kyle’s tone was sharp as he pointed an accusing finger at Stan, “You’re the one who said if Kenny hit on you, you would consider it!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

Kyle shot him a dirty look and gathered up the remains of his meal and threw it in the trash, “I want to go home. Take me home.”

“Not until you tell me what the fuck you are talking about.”

“You said that if you were drunk and Kenny hit on you, you would consider it. You said it the first time we drove to school in your car.” Kyle finally broke from his death stare at Stan to storm over to the passenger side of the car, slamming the door when he was inside.

It took Stan a minute to remember the conversation but when he did he rushed to the drivers side door and jumped in frantically, “I wasn’t being serious! It was a joke, dude.”

“I want to go home.”

“Kyle, come on.”

“Now, Stan.”

Stan wanted to argue but he didn’t know what more to say so he reluctantly started up the car and headed towards Kyle’s house.

Stan suddenly felt immersed in guilt even if he wasn’t entirely to blame for the argument. After a few more painful moments of silence Stan spoke again;

“I don’t know why you’re getting so upset about this. Talk to me, dude. What’s going on?”

Kyle remained silent so Stan tried again, “I’m not dating Kenny. I’m not even interested in Kenny.”

“You’re behavior is making that _very_ hard to believe.”

“If I was dating Kenny, why would I be going to prom with you?”

“I don't know, Stan. I don't understand most of the things you do these days.”

“This is such bullshit, Kyle!” Stan shouted out of fear and frustration. “You are making such a big deal out of nothing. But fine. You want to be a big fucking baby instead of just talking to me then be that way.”

Stan pulled up to Kyle’s house then, his grip tightening on the wheel as the anger rose within him again.

“This isn’t just about Kenny just so you know.” Kyle looked over at him, “It’s much bigger than that. It’s impossible to talk to you these days! You keep shutting down, Stan! Every time I try to talk to you it’s as if you’re putting up a big wall to keep me out. I don’t care who you date, but it really hurts that you don’t think you can trust me. So If you aren’t going to be honest with me don’t be a hypocrite and expect me to be honest with you!”

Stan felt another stab in his heart hearing Kyle’s words. His hand subconsciously gripping at his hair as he tried to make sense of everything. Stan finally turned towards Kyle who stared back at him with even more anger and confusion building on his features.

“Well then stop throwing me mixed signals!” Stan snapped before he had time to stop himself.

Kyle raised an eyebrow, “What mixed signals? What are you talking about?”

The panic started up then and Stan tried to control his breathing, he couldn’t mention Kenny again or Kyle’s seemingly jealous behavior. And he certainly couldn’t mention how some days it seemed like Kyle had feelings for him and other days it didn’t. But he couldn’t refuse to say anything at all, so in his fear he said the first things that came to his mind;

“You say you don’t want things to change and then you go and try to pressure me to move halfway across the country with you! You tell _me_ not to change and then you try to push me to do something that scares the hell out of me for a living and for what? What do you want from me Kyle?”

Kyle stared back at him, wincing slightly from Stan’s angry tone, something that he hadn’t heard from him in a very long time. Kyle opened his mouth twice to speak but no words came from his lips.

“What? Now you have nothing to say?” Stan responded harshly.

“Don’t be an asshole. I’m not the one keeping things from you.”

“It’s starting to feel like you are, dude.” Stan took a shaky breath to calm himself, managing to make his tone softer, “Please just talk to me.”

“Why don’t you go talk to, Kenny?” Kyle replied back sharply.

“You know what, maybe I fucking will! Kenny doesn’t pull this bullshit!”

Kyle looked as if he had been physically slapped for a moment before the anger consumed he’s features once again, “Fuck this. You know what, take Kenny to prom because I'm not fucking going.”

All anger washed away and fear took over as Stan watched Kyle step out of his car, “No wait! Dude I didn’t mean it.” He continued to speak at a heightened speed while his body remained frozen in his seat, “Kyle please, I was just mad. I’m sorry.”

Kyle turned to face him, “Why don’t you go write another song for, Kenny.” And he slammed the door hard enough to make Stan’s ears ring. He watched in a daze as Kyle stormed towards his house.

Stan rolled down his window, “I didn't write it for Kenny, dumbass!!!”

But his words went unheard as Kyle slammed the door and disappeared into his house.

“I wrote it for you.” Stan whispered, his eyes still glued to the door as if he continued to stare at it Kyle would just come back out, but he never did.

He wanted to run to the door, bang on it, confess his soul and beg for forgiveness but that stubborn, fearful side of him refused to let him even budge. After another few minutes of staring hopefully at the closed door Stan slammed his palm on the wheel and sped the car back onto the street and away from Kyle’s house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey conflict... I was wondering when you were going to rear your ugly head in this story...


	9. Chapter 9

They say time moves painstakingly slow when you’re anxiously waiting for something. Stan found that theory to be proved all too true the weekend following his and Kyle’s fight.

His entire Saturday and Sunday were dedicated to trying to distract himself from his growing concerns but he found that task impossible. Five minutes felt like five hours especially when he was consistently checking his phone every ninety seconds to see if Kyle had sent him a text or given him a call. His heart sinking deeper every single time he saw there were no new notifications.

When Sunday afternoon finally rolled around, Stan was just about out of his mind with worry. He wanted desperately to give in and reach out to Kyle but deeply feared the rejection he might receive. When Sunday night came to pass, Stan sunk into the depths of despair as he had given up all hope that Kyle would forgive him anytime soon. At least not before prom.

Sleep was practically impossible that night as Stan stared up at his ceiling, desperately wishing he could have been braver and been honest with Kyle about his feelings. Even rejection seemed like a better alternative to this silence. But even as he told himself that, he knew it wasn’t true. He subjected himself to a fitful night sleep, tossing and turning as he dreaded the next day and what would come of it.

Monday morning Stan fought back and forth with himself, wondering what would happen if he just showed up in front of Kyle’s house to pick him up for school like he normally did. Tempted by the idea of pretending nothing had happened and acting as if it were just any other school day. He listed pros and cons, practiced what he would say and by the time he was sitting in the driver seat of his car he had just about convinced himself to do it, but at the very last moment he ended up driving past Kyle’s house and went directly to Kenny’s.

As Kyle’s house disappeared out of sight he internally scolded himself for being such a coward. 

Kenny emerged from his home just minutes later and made his way to his normal spot in the backseat but upon seeing the front empty, he hopped in that spot instead. He shot Stan a curious look as he placed his tattered backpack on the floor;

“Where is the boy toy?” Kenny asked casually.

Stan released a frustrated sigh as he pulled his truck back onto the street and headed towards the school.

“He’s not my boy toy.”

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to make it sound so degrading.” Kenny teased, “Where is your future boyfriend?”

“Not my future boyfriend.” Stan responded glumly.

Kenny paused and looked back over at Stan. When he caught the defeated look spilling across Stan’s features his response came out rushed and concerned; “What the fuck happened? What did you do?”

“What do you mean what did _I_ do? How do you know it wasn’t Kyle?”

“Instincts.” Kenny stated, “What happened?”

Stan didn’t want to have to reiterate the sensitive subject that he had spent the entire weekend wallowing in self pity over but knew that Kenny wouldn’t drop it until he had all the details. So he finally gave in, the words pouring out of him faster than he had time to process;

“Kyle and I were hanging out, just the two of us, and things were going great when all of a sudden he started pressuring me about college and having a music career and I didn’t handle it well and things escalated way too quickly and it lead into this giant fight and we haven’t spoken since and I think I really fucked up, dude. How am I suppose to tell him how I feel about him at prom if he’s not going to prom? When he’s refusing to even talk to me?”

“What the actual fuck, dude?” Kenny groaned loudly as he pressed his palms to his eyes in frustration and disappointment. “You were so close! You were so God damn close! I was ready to pop fucking champagne, I had a speech prepared, all my fan girl dreams were coming true and it’s ruined now!”

Stan almost laughed at his reaction but still felt so devastated over the whole ordeal he couldn’t even manage to crack a smile, “I know. This sucks so much.”

“Can’t you just talk to him? You guys have fought before. You still have some time to reach out and beg for Kyle’s forgiveness, you can try and melt his icy little heart.”

“I don’t think it’s that simple, dude.” Stan sighed.

“Why not? You can’t let a stupid fight about college stop you from spilling your soul to the love of your life.”

“Well,” Stan rubbed at the back of his neck, feeling awkward. “That’s not really the only thing we fought about.”

“Stanley,” Kenny shot him a look. “How am I suppose to help you if you don’t give me all the information? What did you do?”

“Stop blaming me. It’s not entirely my fault.”

“Stop stalling and fucking tell me what happened so we can fix things. I’m still counting on you guys having a glorious, romantic moment at prom that ends in an aggressive make out session. Now tell me what you did.”

Stan hesitated for a long moment, his fingers tapping nervously against the steering wheel. He kept his eyes firmly on the road in front of him as he finally confessed the part of the story he had specifically left out, “Well, the fight about college somehow turned into talking about you and then all of a sudden he went into this giant tangent about how he still thinks you and I are secretly dating and it all got blown way out of proportion.”

Kenny’s facial features went from determined to shocked in almost an instant. He paused a long moment before he finally responded with a tense breath of; “Oh fuck.”

“Yeah I know.” Stan sighed, “And then he told me to just go to prom with you because he’s not going to go at all…”

“Oh Jesus Christ, dude.”

“Yeah it really sucks. And then he completely blew me off for the entire weekend and now I don’t know what to do.” Stan took a breath, “Okay, _now_ you have all the details and can understand why this isn’t a quick apology issue.”

“Dude, this is really fucking bad.”

“Yeah I know.”

“Kyle is going to fucking kill me.” Kenny finally glanced back over at Stan, looking pale and fearful.

“What?” Stan shot him a confused look as he pulled into the school parking lot, “No, he's not.”

Hold on. I really am devastated for you and I promise we'll get back to your issues in a second, but right now I'm having a little panic attack of my own knowing that Kyle is likely plotting my murder as we speak.”

“Don’t be fucking dramatic, dude. Kyle isn’t going to murder you.”

“He might! Angry Kyle is the scariest Kyle.” Kenny paused as he paled further,” I think I just saw my life flash before my eyes now that I know Kyle thinks I stole his boyfriend away. I can read the headline now, ‘Kenny McCormick; Dead at 17 because he couldn’t stop friendly flirting.’ Fuck, dude. Of all the ways to go, this isn’t what I wanted for myself.”

“Dude stop.” A burst of laughter finally erupting from Stan. “The worst thing that will happen is he’ll give you the silent treatment for awhile. Kyle isn’t going to murder you. Now can we get back to the main issue here?”

“Sorry.” Kenny offered a weak, sheepish smile when he had finally calmed down. “Okay so that’s a _little_ more complicated than I thought but you can still apologize, explain that you and I aren’t together.”

Stan shook his head as he stepped out of the vehicle and began leading them to the school building, “I’ve told him a thousand times that we aren’t dating, he never believes me.”

“Yeah but he’s had enough conflicting evidence over the past few weeks to seriously doubt you’re telling him the truth.” Kenny reminded him. “Just explain yourself. Be honest.”

“If I do that then I’ll have to tell him about my feelings for him. And telling him that while he’s mad at me would ruin everything.”

“Maybe he’s not mad anymore. Maybe he took the weekend to cool down and you guys will laugh all about this.” Kenny glanced up when he saw the school bus park in front of the building, their classmates stumbling out in a clutter of yawning faces and high pitched chatter. One of the last ones to step out was Kyle.

When Kyle felt a gaze on him, he turned and locked eyes with Kenny. His features hardened immediately and you could almost feel the fury and the hate shooting from his eyes.

“Or not.”

Stan followed Kenny’s line of sight and saw the cold, angry gaze Kyle was shooting at Kenny before redirecting it to Stan. The few seconds of high hopes Stan had came crashing down when he saw the intense reaction.

Kenny took a sharp intake of breath when Kyle looked back at him with another death glare. If looks could kill, Kenny was a dead man walking; “Oh shit, dude. I am getting the fuck out of here.”

Stan finally pulled his eyes away from Kyle to look at the fear stricken Kenny, “What? Where are you going?”

“As far away from you and Kyle as possible.”

“Dude, relax.” Stan sighed as he looked back to see Kyle’s retreating form as he headed into the school building.

“Uh did you see the way he just looked at us?” Kenny pointed frantically, “He is fantasizing about my torture and murder as we speak. No fucking thank you. I'm out. Stan, my dude, I love you oh so much but I'm going to avoid you all day for my own safety. I will see you after school.”

“Come on, dude.” Stan groaned, “Don’t leave me alone all day when I need you the most.”

“This is for your sake too. Kyle can’t accuse us of being together if we’re not actually seen together. Give him the day to see us apart so that he can fight past that jealous, murdery part of his brain so that he can see reason.”

Stan sighed and pulled at the edges of his beanie hat, “I guess you’re right. God this is going to be such a shitty day.”

“Better a shitty day than a shitty rest of the year.” Kenny patted him quickly on the shoulder, “If you don’t hear news of my slaughtered body being found in a bathroom stall expect to see me after school.”

Stan rolled his eyes, “See you later, dude.” He lifted his hand in a small wave as he watched Kenny head into the building. 

Kenny was right about one thing, Kyle had in fact looked furious even though an entire weekend had past. That certainly wasn’t a good sign, but Stan clung to the idea that maybe Kenny was on the right track and he just needed some time to see reason, to let himself figure out on his own that Stan and Kenny really weren’t secretly dating behind his back.

Stan hated the idea of Kyle being angry with him but he also didn’t want to push him if he wasn’t ready to talk. So he vowed that he would be patient, that he would give him some time and space and when the moment was right, all would be forgiven and they would laugh about the misunderstanding.

It would just take a day, maybe two.

It would all work out.

***

Alas, Stan Marsh’s optimistic approach failed once again. By Thursday afternoon, Kyle had still made no effort to even look at Stan never mind speak to him. It was a painful conclusion to come to but Stan lost all hope that Kyle would ever forgive him.

With only one week and two days to go before prom night and no longer having anything to look forward to, Stan was in the worst spirits he had been in, in a very long time.

Stan wasn’t sure what melody was coming from his guitar as his fingers danced across the strings but it sounded sad and that fit his mood plenty. With his back slumped against the wall, his eyes mere shadows from his hat being pulled too far down his forehead, and the echos of a melancholy tune filling the room, he was the perfect picture of despair.

He was in absolutely no mood to be cheered up, so when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket he almost ignored it. That was until the very doubtful chance of it being Kyle fluttered its way into his brain and he felt compelled to reach for it.

He had no disappointment left to spare, so when he saw it was a text from Kenny and not Kyle, Stan barely reacted.

**Kenny McCormick:** Are you alone?

**Stan Marsh:** Yes.

**Kenny McCormick:** Are you naked?

**Stan Marsh:** No.

**Kenny McCormick:** Damn. Well I'm coming over anyways.

Stan snorted at the text. It was the first time he had felt anything other than misery in a week. Still, he shook his head as he responded;

**Stan Marsh:** That's the kind of stuff that got Kyle mad at me in the first place.

**Kenny McCormick:** I take it that means there is still trouble in paradise? I’ll be there soon. 

Stan wanted to tell him not to bother, that he was busy wallowing in self pity and didn’t need any company, but before he could type out that message he decided against it. He knew Kenny would ignore him and show up anyways even if he begged him to stay away, so why waste the energy?

Stan went back to his strumming, the tune taking on something that would make even a hardened criminal shed a tear. He continued on playing the depressing song even as he heard the knock on his door and saw Kenny appear.

As Kenny made his was into the room he took Stan in completely from his defeated position on the floor, to the music, and even his look of faded sorrow.

“Are you just sitting here moping?” Kenny finally asked.

Stan rolled his eyes and grumbled back; “Shut the fuck up, I'm not moping.”

“Yeah well it sure looks like it.” Kenny watched him for another moment before walking towards him and taking a seat in front of him on the floor, “I take it that means Kyle hasn't come around yet?”

Stan’s eyes fell back down to his guitar in his lap, “Nope.”

Kenny released a breath that sounded like disbelief; “Jesus. I can’t believe Kyle actually blew you off.”

Stan hesitated, his fingers fumbling just slightly causing a music note to fall flat, “Well not exactly.”

Kenny raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean ‘not exactly’?”

“He didn’t blow me off exactly.” Stan stated slowly, his eyes firmly on his guitar. “I haven’t tried talking to him yet. I was waiting for him to cool down and reach out to me first.”

“Jesus Christ, Stanley. You haven't even tried reaching out to him?” Kenny snapped. When Stan didn’t even bother looking at him he snatched the guitar from his hands. The action forcing Stan to look up at him. “Kyle is stubborn. You know very well that he wouldn't be the first to break. You didn’t try texting him? Calling him? Sending a fucking carrier pigeon?”

“I figured he was mad and it would just make things worse.”

“Bullshit! You were scared. You’re letting your feelings for him cloud every decision you make and it’s tearing you two apart.”

“That’s not true!” Stan snapped.

“It is and you know it!”

The two boys stared each other down, daring the other to be the first to give in. Finally Kenny spoke;

“You said Kyle isn’t going to prom anymore, but you know you still have to tell him, right? And soon.”

“Why?” Stan asked with an air of defiance.

“Because you both are on edge and I’m not sure who I think is going to blow up first. And it’s all because you’re too scared to tell the boy who’s in love with you that you’re in love with him.”

“You don’t know that.” Stan responded, his tone full of doubt.

“Oh my fucking God.” Kenny grabbed at his hair with frustration. “Fine fucking fine. Don’t tell him. But you guys need some alone time or something at the very least. Just the two of you when I’m not there and I’m not brought up in the conversation at _all_.”

“What you have a problem hanging out with us now?”

“No, I don’t have a problem hanging out with you guys.” Kenny rolled his eyes. “What I do have problem with is you are using me as a barrier between you two and it’s not okay. It’s not okay for you, it’s not okay for Kyle, and it’s not okay for me.”

Stan suddenly felt guilty that he had put Kenny in such an awkward position. He had been selfish and hadn’t thought about how this could possibly affect Kenny. He feared then that he might have damaged Kyle and Kenny’s relationship and vowed to himself that he would find a way to fix that.

“So you don’t like getting being between us? I get that. I’m sorry, dude. I hadn’t even considered that.” Stan said after a moment.

A twinge of a smirk appeared on Kenny’s lips then, “Oh Stanley, I would sell one of my organs on the black market for the chance to be between you and Kyle…”

It took Stan a minute to take in what Kenny said. When he realized what he meant, he found himself unwillingly cracking a smile at his shameless friend, “Did you just make a threesome joke?”

“You kind of threw it at me.” Kenny shrugged with a coy grin.

Stan laughed despite himself and shook his head, “I’ll give you some credit, that’s the longest I’ve seen you stay serious in maybe forever.”

“Well you are about to be ridiculously impressed because I’m not done yet.” Kenny took a deep breath as his features turned from playful to serious, “You need to talk to him. I don’t care if you tell him the truth or if you guys just shoot the shit. Talk…To…Your….Fucking…Best…..Friend…. Before he burns the school down with us inside of it.”

Stan knew he was right even though he wanted to deny it. After a long pause of contemplation he finally sighed, “Fine.”

Kenny looked at him warily for a moment, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Stan nodded, “I’ll talk to him tonight.”

“Good!” Kenny exclaimed, putting Stan’s guitar aside.

“But what do I say?”

“That I can’t help you with.” Kenny shook his head, “Not my area of expertise. I can only quote cliché movies and say something like ‘speak from the heart’.”

“Easier said than done.” Stan frowned.

Kenny reached over to put a comforting hand on Stan’s shoulder, “He’s your best friend. Forget about the feelings for a minute and just remember that. Talk to him like how you would talk to your best friend. And apologize. Definitely apologize. After that just let him do most of the talking. It’ll be fine, Stan.”

“You’re a better friend than I deserve, dude.” Stan smiled at him.

“I know.” Kenny poked Stan’s nose teasingly before standing up. “If I find out tomorrow that you still haven’t talked to him I’m going to freak the fuck out on you.”

“Fair enough.” Stan chuckled softly.

“Good luck, Stan. Go get your happy ending.”

***

It took Stan over an hour to even begin to consider what he would say to Kyle. It took him another hour to get the courage to pull out his phone. After yet another hour Stan was starting to truly believe he was a hopeless coward.

He typed, erased, retyped and reerased text message after text message to Kyle over the course of yet another hour. When Stan glanced at his clock and saw that it was already almost 9:00 at night he sighed. He tapped his fingers nervously against the back of his phone case as he contemplated what to do.

He had fucked up, he knew it. And he was starting to think a simple text message wouldn’t fix things. That was when Stan finally got an idea.

Before he could change his mind, Stan stood, straightened his signature beanie hat and marched out of his room and into the cool Colorado night. He was aware he was taking a leap of faith but if he knew his best friend like he thought he did, he knew a simple text message or a phone call wouldn’t solve his issues. They needed to speak face to face before Kyle would even consider forgiving him.

So with that in mind, Stan headed straight towards Kyle’s house without looking back, because he knew if he did, he would lose the very little bit of courage he was clinging to.

Mrs. Broflowski was very particular about guests and school nights so Stan avoided the front door and very quietly headed towards the back of the house. Feeling like an intruder in more ways than one as he found himself sneaking to the back and staring up at the still house.

Stan smiled to himself when he saw the faint light coming from Kyle’s second story window. If he had to guess, he imagined Kyle was sitting at his desk, hovered over a book, studying like his life depended on it.

Stan stared up at the window intently as if by sheer willpower alone he could get Kyle to come peak out of it, but after a few moments without any luck, Stan changed his game plan. He gazed around the yard briefly, looking for small stones or something that he could toss up to get Kyle’s attention. When he couldn’t find any, he tried a different approach.

Stan pulled out his phone and quickly searched through his GIFs until he found one of someone tossing rocks at someone’s window. Likely a short clip taken from a film and he knew it was perfect. Stan took a small shaky breath, wished himself luck, and sent the gif in a text message to Kyle.

As soon as he saw it go through he stared unblinking at his phone, his anxiety growing with every passing second until he finally saw a response light up his phone screen.

**Kyle Broflovski:** What is that?

Relief poured through Stan and a grin began growing on his face. It wasn’t much, but at the very least it was a response. Kyle hadn’t completely ignored him like he feared he would. And it was at least a small victory that gave Stan some much needed strength.

**Stan Marsh:** Look outside.

Stan watched with bated breath as he waited to see if Kyle would do what he was told. His heart rate increasing when he saw his form pull back the curtains and look down. Stan offered a weak smile and a small wave when their eyes met. The tension that had overtaken him for such a long time finally melted away and relief began to flood his insides when he saw Kyle laugh with amusement. The reassurance growing when he watched Kyle slide open his window so he could speak to him.

“Is this your version of tossing rocks outside my window?” Kyle called out to him holding out his phone with a smile.

Stan shrugged, biting down on his cheek lightly to suppress his over enthusiastic grin, “I couldn't find any actual rocks.”

Kyle laughed again in response, a sound Stan knew he would never take for granted again. "What are you doing here?" Kyle called back to him.

Stan didn’t want to continue having this conversation by shouting at each other from fourteen feet away, but he also knew Kyle’s mother wouldn’t allow him to come in at this time of night. An idea came to Stan then and he approached the house, his eyes scanning over the side of the wall looking for something in particular that he hadn’t looked for in years.

After a brief search, he practically cheered when he discovered that the makeshift rope ladder that he and Kyle had made as children was still there. He gave it a hardy tug to make sure it wouldn’t fall apart the moment a little bit of weight was put on it. When it seemed mostly sturdy, he began making the climb up to Kyle’s window.

"Holy shit, dude!” Kyle cried out with sudden distress, “Be careful!”

"What? I use to do this all the time.” Stan called back.

"Yeah when we were 10!"

Stan rolled his eyes playfully and pulled himself up until he was sitting on Kyle’s window sill. He gave Kyle a small but dramatic bow once he had sat down, shooting him a triumphant grin. But Kyle didn’t return the easy smile.

“This makes me so nervous.” Kyle glanced down at the ground below, calculating in his head how long it would take for Stan to plummet to his death.

“I’m fine. I’ve got plenty of room here, I have good balance and I’m still holding onto this in case I slip.” He showed the rope ladder still tightly in his grasp. “It’s pretty cool knowing something we put together when we were kids still works.”

The two watched each other for a long minute once Kyle’s fear had subsided. For that brief moment in time, it was as if they had forgotten they had spent a week avoiding each other. But now that they were face to face, they were painfully reminded of it.

Stan tried to will himself to speak but didn’t want to say the wrong thing now that he had come this far. Hopeful blue eyes locked in on wary green ones as their staring contest continued for longer than felt comfortable.

It was Kyle who broke first after what seemed like an eternity of agonizing silence. He tried to furrow his brows angrily but his weak tone discredited the attempt;

“I’m still mad at you.”

Stan couldn’t help but smile, “Oh come on. I climbed all the way up here to see you. _And_ I made you laugh. That has to count for something.”

Kyle tried to resist but a small smile cracked across his features. He rolled his eyes dramatically as if that would cover for the slip up, “You can be such a pain in the ass, you know that?”

“Maybe.” Stan shrugged, “But I'm a charming, adorable, pain in the ass.”

“You forgot full of yourself.”

“Ouch. But ok I deserved that.” Stan looked at him carefully. “Anything else you'd like to get off your chest so you can start the process of _not_ being mad at me anymore?”

Kyle scanned Stan’s features as he thought about it. He opened his mouth after a solid minute of contemplation, “You're lazy.”

“Oh very much.” Stan nodded.

“And stubborn.”

“Obviously.”

“And you drive me crazy sometimes.”

“Only sometimes?”

“And you never take anything seriously!” Kyle sounded almost exasperated.

Stan waited a beat for Kyle to continue. When he didn’t, he spoke; “You done?”

“Almost.” Kyle exhaled.

“Alright. Proceed.”

“I’m just so fucking frustrated with you, Stan.” Kyle snapped. “And maybe I'm being irrational about some things but you've been acting strange and I hate that you're hiding things from me... And don't you dare say it's FOMO or whatever you call it. I just.... Uhgggggg I don't know…” Kyle clenched and unclenched his fists as he rambled on, “And you still haven’t explained the Kenny thing to me which is totally bizarre. You just haven’t been the Stan I know and care about and it’s bothering me that you don’t feel like you can trust me and tell me what’s going on. You’re my best friend in the entire world and you haven’t been honest with me and it fucking hurts, Stan.”

The words stung Stan but he realized that Kyle was right. Stan had been plagued with his secret for so long that it had blinded him from seeing that this secret was also unintentionally hurting Kyle. Stan instantly felt guilty for his oversight and frowned at him.

“I’m sorry. I know I haven't been myself lately.”

“You know you can tell me anything.”

“Yeah I know but this is different.” Stan’s heart hurt when he saw Kyle’s face fall at the comment. “You’ll understand when I tell you. And I’m going to tell you, I promise. I’ve just needed to do a lot of thinking about it first. But don’t worry, I haven’t told anyone so don’t feel like you’re the last to know.”

“Does Kenny know?” Kyle asked, the bitterness just barely there in his tone.

“Well…Yeah. But you’ll understand why when I tell you.” Stan tilted his head at Kyle and offered a small smile. “And I swear on my life that I’m not dating Kenny. I know that’s a little hard to believe but I mean it when I say everything will make sense when I tell you what’s been going on with me.”

“Yeah I know you’re not dating Kenny.” Kyle sighed. “I didn’t at first but when I really thought about it I realized it made no sense. My pride kind of prevented me from admitting that to you while we were fighting this week. That and I guess I’ve just been really jealous that you told Kenny something way before telling me.”

“I’m sorry… But I promise…”

“I know.” Kyle quickly cut him off, “You’ll tell me. Can you at least promise me it’ll be soon?”

“Yeah. Very soon. I swear.” Stan felt a burst of nerves flutter in his stomach when he thought about how soon it really was. He tried to cover up his nervousness with a smile. “So you forgive me?”

Kyle paused for a long moment before giving in with a soft smile of his own, “I temporarily forgive you. Consider yourself on probation.”

Stan laughed, "So does that mean you’re still going to be my bro-date to prom?"

“Yeah I guess so.” Kyle released a dramatic sigh. “But only because you showed up at my window like some character in an 80s romcom and that's the most Stan thing I've seen you do in a while."

"80s romcom, huh?” Stan grinned. “Should I say something romantic?"

"Do you know anything romantic?"

"Sure..uh..." Stan thought about it for a long minute, trying to rack his brain for something over the top that someone might say in a romance movie, “I’d risk breaking my neck by climbing up to this window a million times if it meant I could see you even for just a few minutes. Because nothing compares to your radiance when you smile. In fact, the stars are envious of how much better you shine.”

Kyle’s face appeared to brighten momentarily, his eyes glazing over at the words as if falling into a trance but he was snapped immediately back to reality and a deep crimson color splattered across his features. He chuckled awkwardly and tried to roll his eyes, “That was way cheesy, dude."

Stan grinned and tilted his head in an attempt to try and catch Kyle’s eye again, "Judging by the fact that your face is as red as your hair I'm going to go out on a whim and say you liked it."

“Shut up, dude.” Kyle grumbled. “I just wasn’t expecting it. I was thrown off guard by the fact that you could manage to say something…”

“Yeah?”

“Objectively romantic by anyone’s standards.” Kyle clarified with a matter of fact tone.

Stan shook his head playfully at him, “Whatever you say, dude.”

Kyle glanced back at him with an almost shy smile and it instantly took Stan’s breath away. They stayed like that, watching each other, for what felt like a long time. Stan didn't miss the way Kyle's eyes dropped to look at his lips momentarily, the action making Stan's heart rate speed up to dangerous levels.

Stan felt the sudden urge to reach out and touch Kyle’s features. To let his fingers graze across Kyle’s cheek before dragging his thumb across his lower lip.

Stan’s hand raised on its own as the thought passed across his mind but his fear engulfed him before he could put actions to his desires and he instead ran his fingers through his own hair to cover up for the movement.

“Hey, Kyle?”

"Yeah, Stan?" Kyle breathed.

"I just... It’s…” Stan tried to swallow down his nerves but it felt as if they were caught in his chest and he found himself saying the first thing that came to his head, “I'm just glad we're going to prom together… That’s all.”

A flicker of disappointment passed across Kyle’s features but he recovered quickly, "Me too, dude."

"You mean a lot to me." Stan added in a rush.

"You mean a lot to me too, dude.” Kyle nodded eagerly. “That's why I was pushing for you to work harder in school and focus on your music. Please at least look into Berklee. Don't make me go to college alone. It would suck without you."

"I'll probably just hold you back. Keep you from your full potential or whatever."

“Don’t flatter yourself like that, Stan.” Kyle teased with a grin. “You haven’t prevented me from reaching my full potential yet so I doubt you could manage to do it in college.”

Stan returned the grin, “Why do you want me to go to Berklee so bad?”

“I guess I just always thought we'd go to the same college. Not even a question. I've never not pictured us being together.” Kyle hesitated, a frown forming on his face. “And then when we got older and I realized that we had completely different goals when it came to school I knew that could never happen. So I thought the next best thing would be to go to different colleges in the same city. Maybe it’s selfish of me but I guess I’ve been kind of freaking out about the idea of us not being together after high school. I’ve seen you almost every day of my life since we were little kids. How am I suppose to go months without seeing you?”

“I had no idea you had thought that much about it.”

“You're my best friend, dude. Of course I have.”

Stan paused for some time, his eyes lowering, “Can I ask you something?”

Kyle nodded, “Of course.”

“You told me not to change… You made me promise you that I wouldn’t change. What did you mean by that?” Stan felt as if he were holding his breath as he watched Kyle form his next sentence.

“I don’t know… I… I guess I just get scared that things between us will change. I like what we have and I don’t want college, or Kenny, or anything else getting in the way of that.” Kyle shook his head, “God I sound pathetic.”

“No you don’t.” Stan tried to smile, “I think I get it. Maybe.”

Kyle returned the soft smile, “Promise me you’ll always be my best friend?”

“Course, dude. Always.”

Stan scanned his eyes over Kyle’s features as if he were trying to memorize the look on his face, save the memory for another time. If Stan could choose, he would stay in this moment forever but he knew the magic had to be broken sometime and he might as well quit while he was ahead.

“Alright, Juliet I better get going. I guess I'll see you tomorrow.” Stan finally sighed after an extended moment.

Kyle raised an eyebrow at him, “As impressed as I am with you accurately remembering a literary scenario... Why the hell do I have to be Juliet?”

“Because I'm the one that climbed up to your window. I don't remember Juliet climbing up any potentially dangerous heights.”

“Modern day Juliet might have.”

Stan laughed softly and shook his head at Kyle’s rebuttal, “Fine you want to be Romeo? You can be Romeo. I'd look way better in a dress anyways.”

Kyle joined in on the laughter then, “Oh without a doubt.”

“Alright then, Romeo.” Stan corrected, “Goodnight. Parting is such sweet sorrow.”

“Get the fuck out of here, dude.” Kyle rolled his eyes playfully and laughed at Stan’s comment.

Stan grinned in return before he lowered himself from the window and climbed down the length of Kyle’s house. When his feet hit the ground, his eyes immediately went back to the window to see if Kyle was still there. He was pleased to see Kyle was still in fact watching him and offered him a small wave when their eyes met. Stan returned the wave before he stuck his hands in his pockets and started the walk back to his house.

His spirits were finally lifted and he felt at peace with his decision to tell Kyle his feelings at prom. The nerves were still present in his system but some had faded away when he noticed the way Kyle had looked at him. He hoped and silently prayed that he wasn’t mistaking Kyle’s reactions for something just friendly but decided that it was worth the risk.

It had to be.

Little did Stan know that while he was having these conflicting thoughts and feelings, Kyle kept his eyes on him the entire time. Watching him closely even as his retreating form disappeared into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is finally prom!! I so appreciate everyone’s patience! Life has been crazy and hard but I’m sure no one wants to hear excuses so I won’t bore you with that! I just wanted to say that all of your kudos and your comments mean the absolute world to me! And a special shout out to the people who messaged me/sent me asks on Tumblr checking in on me! It was very touching knowing people out there cared about my well being and love this story so much that they went that little extra mile to see when there would be an update. I love you all!!!!
> 
> Oh yeah and if you want to follow me on Tumblr, feel free. It's mostly just me posting obsessive South Park content, reblogs, and sneak peaks of my writing and upcoming chapters/stories.  
> My username is: daydreamingismyhobby33


	10. Chapter 10

There aren’t many exciting things that happen in small mountain towns. Especially not in South Park, Colorado. So whenever something special was planned, the whole town tended to become a buzz with anticipation. Whether they were personally involved or not.

And that was certainly no exception for the most recent special activity that was the current talk of the town.

After months of waiting, the South Park High Prom was happening that very evening and it was all anyone could talk about. Everyone was excited, there was no doubt about that. But no one was more excited and filled with anticipation than the very students attending the big event that night.

Somewhere in town Craig Tucker was nervously pinning a corsage to a blushing Tweek’s suit jacket while both sets of their parents watched on with beaming grins and flashing cameras.

In a completely different part of town, Kenny McCormick was listening with his full attention to his little sister Karen as she enthusiastically gave him dancing tips. They mostly consisted of ballet moves from her lessons but Kenny pretended to take notes anyway just to see her smile.

Close by, Clyde Donovan and Bebe Stevens were having yet another argument about some petty disagreement that would be forgotten about before they even arrived at the school.

Then there was Stan Marsh. The boy who had been arguably the most excitedly apprehensive about prom was anxiously standing before his mirror attempting and continuously failing to tie his tie around his neck.

Stan was nervous, there was no question about that. It was obvious from the way he couldn’t seem to stand still, how his breathing seemed quick and unnatural, how he checked the time too frequently as if he somehow expected minutes to change their speed.

Stan was use to developing short form anxiety, he could handle that, but the thought plaguing him the most was if he was already this nervous now, how the hell would he feel later on when he spoke to Kyle?

“Son of a bitch.” He muttered to himself as he fumbled with the tie for the sixth time. The task was starting to feel completely impossible and it was getting more difficult with each attempt. Finally, he tossed his hands into the air and turned from the mirror. He had a little bit of time before he had to pick up Kyle, the tie could wait.

Stan took a seat on his bed and had to forcibly remind himself not to run his fingers through his hair so as not to ruin the careful style. He hardly ever did anything with his hair, typically preferring to just wear his hat most of the time to cover it up, but Kyle had talked to him into doing something special with it for prom.

_‘You’ll look nice.’_

Kyle telling him those simple words was all the convincing Stan needed to buy overly expensive hair product and watch three Youtube videos on the best way to style his thick black hair. It was unnecessary and more effort than Stan put into most things, but he did it, all because Kyle said he would look nice.

He held his twitching fingers firmly in his lap as his eyes darted around the room. His wandering eyes looking for just about anything that might take his mind off of his nerves. It was seeming like a fruitless endeavor, until his focus landed on his dresser drawer. It was only then that his hands finally stilled. His mind trickling back to what sat hidden like a secret in his sock drawer, tucked away and waiting for him.

Stan knew that it was probably a mistake to even think about it but his logic and his feet were clearly on different wavelengths because, before he could even contemplate the action, he was standing and walking towards the drawer. His head told him to stop but his feet whispered seductively that there was no harm in looking.

The drawer opened with ease, tempting him further to reach in and pull out what he sought. His hand came back into the light with a half bottle of whiskey and the memory of how it ended up there. It felt like an eternity ago, confessing to Kenny that he was in love with Kyle. The two sharing the whiskey as Kenny tried to talk him into telling Kyle his feelings. The memory felt almost like it had happened in a dream. But the evidence of that evening was here in the form of tempting liquid splashing around in a clear bottle.

Very tempting liquid.

Stan knew that most of his classmates would be drinking at prom. This was no secret. And no one would blame Stan for having just a few sips to help with his nerves. To help ease his tension and give him some much needed courage for his confession.

He wouldn’t need much… Just enough to make him brave.

Stan tapped his freshly trimmed finger nails against the glass bottle for a moment as he contemplated. The delicate clicking sound echoing in the otherwise silent room almost soothing. After a minute that felt like an hour, Stan dug through his sock drawer once more and pulled out the, still yet to be used, flask he had been given as a birthday gift from his grandfather years ago. His mother had been furious when he received it and he promised her he would get rid of it, but he just couldn’t do it in the end. It was still a gift from his senile grandfather who he had loved dearly, and he knew it would be useful one day.

Today for example.

It almost felt like fate that the flask had been sitting here, tucked away along with the bottle of whiskey. Stan believed in signs and this was as good a sign as any, so Stan cracked the seal of the dark colored flask and began pouring the contents of the liquid courage into it with suddenly very steady hands.

As he watched the pour with a careful eye, he vowed to himself that he wouldn't drink a single drop of it until they arrived safely at prom. To further justify his actions he added to his vow that he would make sure he had completely sobered up before he drove home.

He didn’t _plan_ on getting drunk but he told himself that if he felt even the tiniest bit tipsy he would get a ride home instead. Stan was sure that Kyle had no intentions of drinking that night and, although he didn't have a license, Kyle at least had a permit and could probably manage Stan’s truck God forbid he couldn't drive them.

It all seemed like a perfect plan, and Stan silently congratulated himself on being so responsible. But the burst of smugness was short lived. Stan felt his stomach flip as his mind taunted him with the very real possibility that his confession might not go well. And if the confession ended in disaster then he and Kyle likely wouldn't be riding home together at all.

Stan and Kyle… Wouldn’t be together at all.

The nerves returned with a vengeance and Stan had to fight the strong temptation to have a quick nip of the alcohol right there and then. He briskly shoved the flask into the inside pocket of his suit jacket and tucked the whiskey bottle back into the drawer before he could give into that urge. To distract himself even further from the whiskey’s siren song, Stan made his way back to his mirror and attempted to give his tie another try. 

Unfortunately for Stan, his efforts were in vain. The already difficult task now felt seemingly impossible with his nervous energy back and having grown exponentially since his last attempt. Stan frowned at his reflection, giving into the knowledge that there was no way he was going to make this look decent. And so, with a defeated sigh, he started making his way down stairs to seek out some more experienced assistance.

“Hey, Mom?” Stan called out.

“In the kitchen, Stanley.”

Stan followed the voice and slowly made his way into the kitchen, timid fingers still grasping his undone tie. When he arrived at the doorway to the kitchen Stan stood in silence for a few minutes. Watching as his mother washed the dishes like she did every evening. One of the many things she did around the house daily that Stan only realized now he took for granted.

Stan couldn’t even remember the last time he had offered to help with those dishes. Or any of the other household chores for that matter and that suddenly made him feel like a burden for asking her for this favor.

“Can you uh… Help me with this?” He asked quietly.

It felt strangely like it was happening in slow motion as he watched his mother turn around and take him in completely. Stan felt almost shy and embarrassed when he saw her place a hand over her mouth, something deeply emotional passing across her face.

“Oh Stanley.”

Stan lowered his eyes, not sure how to respond to his Mother’s emotional reaction. He decided not to call attention to it and he simply held out his tie briefly before dropping his hands to his sides, “I keep trying but it looks stupid every time I do it.”

Sharon stepped forward to take the tie in her hands and began doing it for him. It was abundantly clear that the task came easy to her and she could have finished it very quickly but she took her time with it. As if she wanted to make the moment last just a little while longer.

“I’m so sorry, Stan. I should have taught you how to do this sooner. You just grew up so fast.”

Stan looked back at his mother then and smiled softly at her, “It's fine, Mom. I haven't really needed to wear a tie until now.”  
Sharon returned the tender smile and nodded at him, “I suppose, but it still would have been nice.”

“I still don’t know how to do it. So maybe you can teach me another time?” Stan offered quickly and he was pleased to see his mother looked almost touched by the gesture.

“Yeah. We can do it sometime this week maybe.” She tightened the knot and smoothed her hands over it as she admired her work before she took a step back. “There.”

Sharon glanced back at her son then and took him in completely. The tears came to her eyes quickly, practically blinding her, “Oh Stanley. You look so handsome. And so grown up.”

Stan felt a lump form in his throat and he couldn’t swallow it down no matter how hard he tried. He had felt self conscious at first when he saw his mother’s reaction but now he just felt sentimental. His voice came out strained as he spoke and he feared then that he might tear up himself;

“Mom, please don’t cry.”

“I know. I know.” Sharon quickly wiped at her eyes but more tears swiftly replaced them. “I don’t want to embarrass you.”

“No, it’s not that.” Stan paused awkwardly for a long minute trying to fight against what he knew he really needed in that moment. He tried to tell himself that he was too old, that he was too mature, but no matter what that annoying masculine voice tried to tell him Stan knew what he needed, he needed comfort from his Mom and he was too weak not to give in.

Stan wrapped is arms around his mother suddenly and melted into a hug, leaning into her just like he use to when he was a little boy. If Sharon was surprised by the action, she didn’t show it in the slightest. Naturally slipping back into her protective mother role she held him tightly and ran her fingers up and down his back in a soothing motion.

“Are you alright, Stan?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

“You seem a little nervous.”

Stan didn’t respond. His mother had a way of always knowing exactly what was on his mind and he wasn’t sure if this was one of those times he should be grateful for it or concerned.

"You have a hot date you didn't tell me about?" Sharon asked with a kind of soft, humorous warmth that could get any son to open up.

"No. I'm going with Kyle." He muttered back quietly, still gripping onto her like she could absorb all his fears.

"Oh?"

"We're calling it a bro-date. Just going as friends." He added quickly.

"I see." There was something in her tone that made Stan pull away from her slightly so he could look at her. Needing to make sure she understood and didn’t jump to any conclusions.

“No, seriously Mom. It’s not like that.”

Sharon nodded, “You know I’ve always really liked Kyle. I like him very much. He has always been a great friend to you and I especially enjoyed watching you two grow up together.” Sharon smiled with a faraway look in her eyes, as if she were seeing the images of it play out in her head, “So many memories, so many moments that I will always cherish.”

“Yeah. I know, Mom.” Stan responded carefully, not sure where she was going with this.

“He’s a good boy. He’s something special.” Sharon continued on as if Stan hadn’t spoken. “I think you _both_ are really special. And I’ve thought together you were really special for a long time.”

Stan went to speak dismissively again but when he caught his mother’s tone, and the almost knowing look in her eyes, he lost his breath for a minute. It took a long moment for the realization to settle around him, but when it did it was like finding the missing piece to a puzzle he had tried to complete for far too long and only now did he step back and look at the completed work and decide it was good.

His mother’s words repeated back to him twice more in his head and he felt a warmth coming over him that felt like hot chocolate and crackling fire places and thick quilts and all those special comforting things all wrapped up in his Mother’s tender, accepting smile.

“Yeah?” He managed to get out, his voice cracking just barely.

Sharon nodded and pressed her lips to Stan’s forehead, “I hope you have the best prom ever, sweetheart.”

“Thanks, Mom. Thank you so much.” Stan responded, feeling more connected with his mother than he had in what felt like ages. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Now get going or you’re going to be late and you know how much Kyle hates when people are late.” Sharon chuckled and wiped away the last few tears from her eyes as she turned back to the kitchen sink. The moment slipping back into normalcy as if this were just another night, another experience, another memory that they would tuck away.

And Stan was grateful.

Stan smiled once more at her before heading towards the front door, a new wave of courage coursing through him that made his steps feel lighter and his heart beat with new vigor.

***

Stan stood staring at Kyle’s house for the longest five minutes of his life. He had overthought just about everything he could possibly overthink during the entire build up to prom but he hadn’t even considered this particular moment. Here he was sitting in front of the house of the boy he loves, on the night he had been eagerly and anxiously anticipating for ages… And he wasn’t even sure what he was suppose to do now.

Was he suppose to go to the door like a date? Was he suppose to shoot him a text like he was picking him up on any other day? It was such a simple thing and yet Stan was so use to panicking over every little detail that this felt like a much bigger deal than it needed to be.

He was spinning his phone between his fingers, contemplating his decision, when he felt it vibrate in his hands. He glanced down at it and he saw it was a text from Kyle;

**Kyle Broflovski:** My mom says you’ve been sitting outside for five minutes. You know you can come in, right?

Stan laughed to himself, a mix from the embarrassment of being caught and of relief that a decision had been made for him.

**Stan Marsh:** I don’t mind waiting out here for you.

**Kyle Broflovski:** Actually, can you come in? I guess my Mom wants to take a picture of us. Sorry.

Stan smiled widely at that. He had been secretly hoping they would get a picture together but knew better than to ask. Kyle absolutely hated getting his picture taken and Stan knew he very likely would have refused his request. But, luckily for Stan, Kyle knew better than to say no to his mother.

**Stan Marsh:** Sure. No problem, dude.

Stan checked his hair one more time and gave himself a quick pep talk before he stepped out of the car and towards Kyle’s house. The sounds of frozen snow crunching beneath his feet filled his ears as he walked to the Broflovski’s front door. Stan had been hoping for a warmer spring night for prom and had been disappointed when just a few days prior they had been hit with a sudden snow storm.

That wouldn’t have been so bad, but the situation was made even worse when a cold front hit and everything froze causing the once pretty and fluffy snow to turn to hard mounds of ice looking almost mean and threatening instead of soft and pretty. But Stan knew he should have expected something like that, it was April in South Park, it always seemed to get colder before it finally broke and got warmer. Stan used the icy temperature as an excuse to hide his twitching fingers in his pocket after knocking on the door, hoping he would look cold instead of nervous.

Sheila Broflovski burst into tears the moment she saw Stan standing in the door. Jumbled, half put together sentences falling from her lips as she pulled him into a tight hug. Stan only caught some of her words, there was something said about him being so handsome and Kyle being all grown up but he couldn’t be sure. Either way he knew she meant to be complimentary and so he said thanks and hugged her tightly back, pulling away only when she did first, fearing she might start crying again otherwise.

“Mom! Oh god, not again! Please stop crying it’s just prom.”

Stan turned around rapidly at the sound of Kyle’s voice and he felt the breath literally leave his lungs as he took him in. Stan had seen Kyle in a suit before but it had been a very long time ago and at the time he looked almost silly, all dressed up for his Bar Mitzvah looking like a miniature adult. But now, this was far different. The suit looked tailor fit and accentuated his body. He had even managed to tame his mess of red curls and styled them back so they looked loose and soft, falling down his face instead of sticking up every which way. He was no longer a kid playing make believe, he really did look all grown up and it made Stan’s heart beat wildly in his chest.

_“Don’t stare. Don’t stare. Stop staring!”_ Stan’s brain screamed at him as he stood like a deer in the headlights looking at Kyle as he approached.

“Hey.” Kyle smiled almost shyly, pulling at the sleeve of his suit jacket self consciously. “You look good.”

“You look amazing.” Stan said before he could think about it first.

Kyle blushed, biting the inside of his cheek to suppress the overly pleased grin, “I guess a good suit will do that for a guy. And enough hair products to make even a beauty guru jealous.”

Stan tried to laugh but it came out awkward and sloppy, like someone trying too hard. So he quickly cleared his throat and turned away from Kyle, hoping it would break the spell that had come over him. “So your Mom wants a picture?”

“Yeah.” Kyle made a half groan, half sigh noise. “She’s going way over the top about this. I keep reminding her that it’s just prom but she keeps acting like it’s a huge deal. If she’s acting like this now, what’s going to happen when we graduate? Jesus. It’s so embarrassing. I’m so sorry about this.”

“Dude, I don’t care. My mom was emotional about it too. She cried while she did my tie.”

“I was wondering who did your tie because it looks way too good for you to have done it yourself.” Kyle grinned at him teasingly.

“Hey not fair!” Stan laughed, knocking Kyle’s shoulder playfully as they let Sheila direct them on where to stand and how to pose.

“I thought for sure I was going to have to do it for you before we got to the school.”

“I mean I can undo it and let you redo it if that would make you feel more useful.”

“And ruin your Mom’s handiwork? What kind of a monster do you think I am?”

Both boys couldn’t help but grin and chuckle at that, their conversation being interrupted as Sheila jumped in to position the boys. Kyle subtly rolled his eyes at Stan when Sheila turned her back causing Stan to have to struggle to hide his almost giddy grin.

Sheila had sworn up and down and promised the boys that she would only take two photos, but after she had taken close to fifty Kyle finally lost his patience and whined that they were going to be late and needed to leave. She reluctantly let them go but not before leaving a bright red lipstick mark on each of their cheeks. A mark of love that neither boy had the heart to wipe away until they were safely back in the car and out of her sight.

“Alright, now that that’s over with let’s go try and have some fun.” Kyle said as he pulled some napkins from Stan’s glove compartment and attempted to wipe away the lipstick stain.

“Your optimism never fails to astound me.” Stan chuckled as he pulled onto the street and headed towards the school.

“Hey I always try and look on the bright side! But this is different.” Kyle shrugged. “But I’m sure it’ll be fine. We can always ditch early and go pig out on junk food somewhere, right?”

“Yeah we can but I promised you a good time at prom and I am planning on doing everything in my power to keep that promise.” Stan smiled over at him. “Besides, I think everyone needs to see how good you look right now.”

“Stop. I don’t look that good.” Kyle blushed again, lowering his eyes and away from Stan’s gaze.

“Dude. You look _so_ good. You were made to wear suits. And I can’t even believe you managed to get your hair like that.”

“It wasn’t easy I’ll admit that. But look at you! You look like a Calvin Klein model! And see I told you if you just put a little effort into your hair how good it would look! You need to start doing that way more often. I like your hat but it’s nice to see more of your face.”

“Calvin Klein? Isn’t that the mens underwear magazine?” Stan shot Kyle a humored filled look.

“They model suits too!” Kyle added quickly. “Oh look we’re here!”

Kyle hardly waited for Stan to park before he was jumping out of the car and heading towards the school. Stan had to move at double speed to catch up to him, surprised by his sudden eagerness to get inside of the school.

“Can’t get away from me that easily.” Stan nudged him teasingly when he had caught up.

“I wouldn’t try to get away from you even if I wanted to.” Kyle chuckled, pushing open the outside doors leading to the gymnasium.

The first thing that the boys noticed as they walked through the doors was just how loud it was inside. The sound of music pumping out of ancient school speakers assaulting their ears. But that disturbance was quickly forgotten when a heavenly scent hit their noses. Hot, delicious smelling food that most definitely hadn’t come from the school’s cafeteria made their mouths water as they searched the room for the source of the smell.

Stan’s jaw dropped open when he finally took in the breathtaking sight before them. The place had been exquisitely decorated. Everything looking like it had been hand picked by the careful eye of someone with exceptional taste. On top of the decor, there was drape lining the walls making the large space look like an eloquent banquet hall instead of an old gym.The colorful yet soft lighting added to atmosphere.

Bebe and her team had clearly gone above and beyond to make the place as nice as possible. If Stan didn’t know any better he would have thought there was no way they were inside their school gymnasium.

“Whoa.” Stan breathed as he looked around.

“You could say that again.” Kyle responded, his eyes darting around the place and glancing at his classmates who had all taken the time to get as dressed up and nice looking as they had.

“Whoa.”

“I didn’t mean literally.” Kyle laughed as he grabbed Stan’s wrist and began dragging him towards the back of the room and away from the dance floor that was quickly filling with crowds of people.

Stan looked longingly out at the dance floor as Kyle pulled him towards the snack table. He enjoyed dancing and had day dreamed far more than once or twice about how it would feel to pull Kyle out there and to take him in his arms for a dance. It was only a fantasy though, Stan knew that Kyle hated dancing about as much as he hated getting his photo taken.

“Who the hell did Bebe get to cater?” Kyle asked in disbelief. “Look at this spread. Bacon wrapped mini sausages, deviled eggs, like four kinds of dip… I thought for sure we would only get chips and maybe school lunch pizza or something.” 

“Bebe gets what Bebe wants I guess.” Stan grabbed two of the bacon wrapped mini sausages and shoved them into his mouth.

“Apparently.” Kyle reached for a deviled egg, his gaze falling back towards Stan. “So, you managed to drag me to prom. What now, Stan? We planning on standing here and eating all night?”

Stan felt his stomach spin, the nerves coming back with a full force making him feel nauseous. “Well not all night. I don’t know. I figured we could hang out… See our friends… Dance maybe… Talk about stuff.”

“There’s no way I’m getting onto that dance floor.” Kyle laughed. “But I’ll watch you dance. And what kind of _stuff_ should we talk about at prom?”

The glimmer of humor in Kyle’s eye and the way the light hit him so perfectly, making his warm smile look all the more enticing, made Stan want to lean in and kiss Kyle with a force stronger than he had ever felt in his entire life. “Just stuff.”

Stan wondered then if this was his moment, his chance to tell Kyle how he felt. He opened his mouth to spill his soul but that nauseous feeling that was sitting in his stomach grew suddenly so intense that Stan feared he might actually vomit right there in that spot.

“Hold that thought.” Stan said quickly as he turned and tried his best to look casual as he headed towards the bathroom, praying the entire time that he wasn’t about to spill those few appetizers he ate back onto the gymnasium floor.

He had never been so grateful in his entire life when he crashed through the bathroom doors and made it to the sink before his sick stomach won the battle. Stan took in long, deep breathes over the pearly white basin for a long minute, waiting for something to happen but ultimately nothing did. Stan was insanely relieved about this. It had been years since his nervous stomach got the better of him and he really didn’t want that streak to end tonight of all nights.

Stan ran the faucet until the water came out ice cold and he splashed it over his face, letting the refreshing rush soothe his nerves and sick stomach. The water felt nice and Stan was tempted to stay there until he felt completely better. But he knew that he could stand there for hours and it still wouldn’t be able to give him the strength to tell Kyle everything he needed to say and that painful reality made Stan feel hopeless.

The sound of soft footsteps coming into the bathroom made Stan pull his face up from the sink and rush to grab a paper towel, not wanting anyone to see him in such a vulnerable position. When the water was out of his eyes and he pulled the paper towel away, he saw a familiar blonde boy standing before him.

Tweek stood by the bathroom door in a fitted brown suit, a bold choice but one that really complimented his light complexion and brought out the almost golden color of his eyes. He was silent and appeared to be observing Stan in that same way he had at the coffee shop three weeks prior when Stan stopped in to grab Kenny before they went to try on prom suits. The look had made Stan uneasy then and it certainly made him feel uneasy now.

“Hey Tweek.” Stan tried to say casually but it came out strained, feeling like he got caught doing something embarrassing. “How’s prom?”

“Good so far. Nicer than I expected.” Tweek responded tonelessly as if it had been scripted, his focus appearing to be more intent on searching Stan’s face.

“Yeah. Same. Yeah it’s nice.” Stan finished drying his face and tossed the paper towel in the trash. He was beginning to feel uncomfortable with Tweek appearing to be watching him so closely and he was just about to make a quick exit when Tweek spoke again;

“You okay, Stan? You seem nervous.”

Stan silently cursed himself for being such an easy read, “Nervous? Nah. It’s just really warm in here.”

Tweek didn’t respond to that but he didn’t move either. He stayed silent for what felt like an eternity, watching Stan with those calculating eyes that felt like they were looking into his soul and digging for information.

“Is this about Kyle?”

Tweak’s words made Stan suddenly wish he had left while he still had the chance.

“What?” Stan choked out, sweat already forming at the back of his neck. “Why would this be about Kyle?”

Tweek smiled softly and tilted his head at him. The look seeming as if Stan had asked the silliest question in the entire world but Tweek was too polite to point it out. When Stan still refused to give in, Tweek spoke again, “You don’t have to pretend with me, Stan. I know you have feelings for him.”

Stan’s eyes widened and he subconsciously took a step back, as if leaving could stop this conversation from happening. He wanted to deny it but Stan just couldn’t find it in himself to do so. Not with the way Tweek was looking at him. He seemed fully convinced he was right but not in a conceited way. It was a warm look and had an air of comfort, as if he knew exactly how Stan felt and what he was going through. It was that soft look that squeezed Stan’s hand and whispered tenderly that he wasn’t alone and it made Stan finally give in.

“How?” Stan asked softly, his hand coming up to run nervously through his hair but stopping just seconds before he messed up the careful style.

Tweek shrugged, “I guess I could just tell. It was the way you looked at him. The way your whole face lit up when you talked about him. Stuff like that. I guess I sensed it because that’s how I use to feel about Craig before we dated. Back when I didn’t know he liked me too and I was just sort of hopelessly pining after him.”

“Oh.” Was all Stan could say even though he felt like there was so much more that felt ready to burst out of him.

It took Stan a long moment but he decided he could trust Tweek. It was something about how he stood there with his soft understanding smile, not looking condescending or prying, just someone who looked like they were silently giving Stan the signal that if he needed to talk, then he would listen. So Stan took the silent offer;

“Then yeah. This is about Kyle.” Stan confessed in a shaky breath. “I sort of made a pact with myself that I would tell him how I feel about him tonight. Since it’s prom and we’re _kind of_ each other’s dates. The opportunity to tell him came up but before I could say anything, I got so nervous I thought I was literally going to throw up all over him. That’s why I’m in here.” Stan groaned and pressed his palm to his forehand, “How the hell am I suppose to tell him if I end up in the bathroom every time I try to?”

Tweek listened patiently and quietly as Stan spoke. Only opening his mouth when he saw that Stan had completely finished his thought, “Well what is it that’s making you feel so nervous you might get sick?”

Stan raised an eyebrow, the answer obvious to him. “Because I’m scared.”

“Of?”

“That he might not feel the same way. That I might completely ruin our friendship over this.” Stan felt another burst of nausea and he hurried to lean over the sink in case he actually threw up this time. When he felt a gentle patting on his back he knew Tweek must have rushed to his side. It was an unexpected tender gesture that helped ease Stan’s stomach. Tweek continued to rub small circles on Stan’s back as he spoke;

“Yeah I get it. Putting yourself out there is one of the scariest things we can do. I was terrified about telling Craig how I felt. But if I didn't go for it, we wouldn't be together today. And he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. So as scary as this is I think you'll regret it if you don't try, Stan.”

“What if he doesn't feel the same way?” Stan asked weakly.

“Well I guess you have to ask yourself what's more important to you. Do you want to have your relationship stay the same forever? Do you want to not change a thing and keep your best friend status exactly how it is but never know if there could have been more? Or do you want to risk maybe having a very awkward conversation but in exchange have the chance to find out that he feels the same way about you?”

“I just don't want to lose him. It would kill me.”

“You'll never lose him.” Tweek stepped back when Stan leaned back up and away from the sink, the nauseous feeling finally starting to pass. “No matter how he feels, he still cares about you and loves you. You’re his best friend. Nothing would change that.”

“That’s what Kenny keeps telling me.” Stan tried to smile a little but it fell flat.

“Then I guess every once in a while Kenny is right.” Tweek tilted his head to catch Stan’s eye. “I can’t tell you what to do. But if I was in your shoes, and I sort of was once, I would take the risk.”

“How do I even bring it up?”

“If it’s meant to be it will come up naturally. You’ll know when the right time is. Enjoy prom. Stop thinking about it and just have some fun and it will just naturally work itself in when it’s time.”

Stan nodded in return, hoping the action conveyed how grateful he felt for Tweek’s words of wisdom and encouragement. “Thanks, Tweek. You’re a good guy and a good friend.”

Tweek smiled widely and it crinkled his nose in a way that made the freckles splattered across his face really standout. He turned to head away from Stan but Stan unexpectedly wanted to stop him. Stan meant what he said… Tweek truly was a good person and Stan remembered that he had not too long ago wished he had made more of an effort to be closer friends with him. And that opportunity was suddenly right in front of him.

“Hey, uh. Do you still play the piano?” Stan asked quickly, stopping the boy in his tracks.

"Yeah. It's one of my favorite things to do."

"I play pretty decent guitar and I've been writing songs lately... Maybe we could play together sometime? Hang out and and just jam? Can you jam with a piano?"

Tweek laughed, a grin pulling on his cheeks, feeling charmed by the offer. “Yeah. I’d like that a lot, Stan."

“Good. I’ll come by the coffee shop this week sometime. You work too much anyways, you deserve some fun.”

“You have no idea.” Tweek grinned even wider. “I’m looking forward to it. Now I gotta see if I can drag Craig out on the dance floor. Good luck.”

“Thanks, Tweek.” Stan lifted his hand in a small wave as Tweek slipped out the door and disappeared out of sight.

Stan felt invigorated by the conversation, surprised but thrilled that the nerves, for the most part, were disappearing.

Tweek was right, he should enjoy prom and Kyle’s company and when the time was right, the conversation could just happen. It seemed so simple Stan would have been ashamed he hadn’t thought of it sooner if he wasn’t suddenly riding on this cloud of tranquility.

Stan went to splash some cold water on his face one last time before going to see Kyle but stopped before turning on the faucet. The cool water might not do much for his last lingering nerves, but there _was_ something that could.

Stan reached into his pocket for the flask that had felt like a tempting offer waiting for his acceptance. He flicked open the top and took a hearty sip, just wanting enough to chase away those last few bits of anxieties that threatened his good mood. When he had safely tucked the flask back into his jacket pocket, he marched out of the bathroom and towards Kyle with new found confidence. Determined to truly have the best prom possible.

***

Once the deadline had been lifted from Stan’s mind and the pressure had been removed, Stan was finally able to truly start to enjoy himself. All the fear, worry, nausea, all those negative emotions were wiped away and it just became about him and Kyle. Two best friends enjoying a monumental time in their young lives.

Two hours flew by like nothing. The time spent filled with laughter, good conversation, too much food and even a few tender moments that Stan knew he would hold close to his heart for the rest of his life.

Stan was having so much fun that he had almost forgotten about the dance floor and how badly he had wanted to partake in it. It wasn’t until Kyle had called attention to it that he even remembered.

“This is a good song.” Kyle said softy, his attention being drawn to the dance floor slightly.

“Yeah it is.” Stan nodded, itching to take Kyle into his arms. “Did you want to…”

“Didn’t you say you would dance with Wendy?” Kyle cut him off, seemingly not hearing his question. “She’s over by the dance floor. This would be a good chance.”

Stan was disappointed but he tried his best not to let it show, “Oh. It’s fine. I rather stay here with you.”

“It’s just one song, dude. I’ll have you all to myself for the rest of the night.” Kyle finally tore his eyes from the dance floor to look at him. “Go ahead. I know how badly you’ve been wanting to dance and I’m not going to keep you from it for one more minute.”

Stan hesitated but the music was enticing and his feet begged to move so even though he was reluctant about it, he took Kyle’s invitation and ran with it. It was only one song, just one dance and he would be back with Kyle in no time. What was prom without dancing anyways?

“Alright you’ve talked me into it.” Stan chuckled. “Don’t go far.”

“I’m not leaving this snack table, trust me.”

Stan’s soft laughter continued as he headed over to where Wendy stood, daintily leaning against one of the taller tables. She looked beautiful, her long dark hair pinned in a half up style, kept together by an exquisite purple clip that matched the gown that just dusted the floor. As if she could sense his presence, she turned as he approached. A soft smile coming onto her features.

“Took you long enough.” She teased, holding out her hand expectantly. “I thought you’d forgotten about me.”

“Never. I was just a little busy.” Stan took her hand and gave her a twirl before pulling her out to the dance floor. “But I’m here now.”

“Yeah I saw you were a little busy with Kyle. Seemed like you two were having a really nice time. I almost feel bad pulling you away.” Wendy smiled as she rested a hand on his shoulder, the action so natural it was as if they had done it a hundred times.

“Nah, I promised you a dance and I don’t break my promises.” Stan returned the smile as he brought a hand to her waist and began moving rhythmically to the music.

“Yeah but it’s not very nice to have the ex step in on your date.”

“Oh. Kyle isn’t my date. We’re just here as friends.”

“You don’t have to make up stories, Stan. It’s very obvious you’re on a date.”

Stan fumbled slightly at that, taken back by her words, “But… No. We’re just here as friends.”

Wendy’s face fell briefly, as if they had been sharing a joke and she didn’t understand the punchline. “You’re not serious?” Her eyes flickering over to Kyle who was absentmindedly scrolling through his phone by the snack table. “Does Kyle not know?”

“Does Kyle not know what?” Stan’s tone came out a mixed of panicked and frustrated. “What the fuck are you talking about, Wends?”

“Well…” She paused, as if she was contemplating just changing the subject all together. “That you’re in love with him.”

The words struck Stan like a painful punch to the jaw and he stared at her for a long moment before he spoke again.

“How the fuck…” Stan groaned and shook his head. “Jesus Christ. Does everyone in this town know?”

“Well no, not everyone. Just maybe the ones who were paying close enough attention.”

“And you’re one of them?”

“Stan, we dated off and on since we were 8-years-old. Despite us not spending too much time together these days, I like to think I know you better than most people.”

“That’s true.” Stan smiled weakly. The nerves that had spent the last few hours in remission suddenly kick started again and he realized he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from spilling his guts to Wendy. Stan was starting to hate how easy it was becoming to confess his secrets but he soothed himself with the reminder that he trusted her. And besides Kyle she was the smartest person he knew so it seemed perfectly reasonable to seek out her advice.

“No, Kyle doesn’t know. I was planning on telling him tonight.”

“Was?” Wendy tilted her head at him. “Is there a specific reason for the past tense?”

“Well. I don’t know. It hasn’t felt right yet.” Stan shrugged.

“I see.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?”

“You always say ‘I see’ when I say something you disagree with but don’t want to say it.” Stan shot her a knowing look. “Come on, just tell me what you really think. You wouldn’t be the first person to tell me that I need to tell him so just come out and say it.”

“You don’t have to tell him.”

Stan opened his mouth to speak but the response he had planned didn’t match the answer he was given. He was thrown off for a moment and he was left with the only real response he could give. He raised a suspicious eyebrow at her, “What?”

“You don’t have to tell him.” She repeated back calmly.

Stan laughed awkwardly out of surprise, “You’re the first person to say that to me.”

“Oh don’t get me wrong. I think you _should_ tell him. But that being said, don’t do it because you think you have to.”

“You know one of the reasons you and I didn’t work out was because you confuse the shit out of me sometimes.”

“One of the reasons we didn’t work out was because you were in love with your best friend.” Wendy rolled her eyes playfully at him.

Stan felt a small stab of guilt in his chest and it caused his words to come out soft, “I liked you too. Just so you know.”

“I know. And I liked you too. But you love Kyle.”

Wendy gave him a reassuring smile that told him there were no hard feelings. The look easing away any strain Stan momentarily felt. The two lapsed into comfortable silence as Stan once more twirled Wendy, her dress flaring out around her ankles. As he pulled her back close to his chest, Stan realized he wouldn’t be able to go the rest of the night without satisfying his curiosity fully.

“When did you know?”

Wendy glanced away as she thought about it for a moment, wanting to be sure of her answer before speaking again, “I think the fourth grade.”

“What? I didn’t even know back then.”

“Well there were a chain of events that lead to my conclusion. It started out when I noticed a few instances that I suspected you might like girls _and_ guys.” Wendy nodded. “When Tweek and Craig started dating, everyone was curious about it but you seemed extra curious about it. Also when we got the gender neutral bathroom. You just suddenly seemed confused by this. I wasn’t sure about it at first, I thought maybe you were confused about your gender but then I realized you were confused about your sexuality. Once I realized you were probably bisexual I started noticing how you acted around Kyle.”

“Jesus Wendy.” Stan stared at her for a minute. “You ever think about being a therapist? Because you figured all that out way before I did.”

Wendy grinned at that, pleased. “I like analyzing things. I was surprised no one else saw it. I mean you clearly have a type. As much as I hate to admit it, Kyle and I are very similar.”

“You and Kyle aren’t….” But Stan was rendered silent when Wendy shot him a look. “Okay, maybe you two are a _little_ similar.”

“Being honest with yourself is a good first step. Now you just have to be honest with Kyle.”

Stan frowned slightly, a flickering of that guilt returning. “Sorry I was a shitty boyfriend at the end.”

“You were never a shitty boyfriend.” Wendy tilted her head to catch Stan’s eyes. “You were just figuring out who you were and what you wanted. I can’t blame you for that.”

“Thanks, Wends. For what it’s worth, I really loved being your boyfriend… Most of the time at least.” Stan gave her a knowing smile that Wendy easily returned.

It was then that the song they had been dancing to faded and a new one began. It only took a few musical beats for Stan to recognize it as one Kyle very much enjoyed.

Stan felt his heart beat start to speed up and he could feel a trickle of nerves going through his bloodstream and spreading across his body. He wasn’t sure why, but he knew in that moment that it was time to talk to Kyle.

“One more dance?” Stan offered weakly to which Wendy sighed in return.

“Stan, you’re stalling.”

“I know.”

“It’ll be fine, Stan.” Wendy squeezed his hand reassuringly before letting him go. “It might not be easy, but it will be fine.”

Stan wanted to argue, to question her about how she could be so sure but before he could get a single sound out, Wendy tilted her head up and pressed her lips to his cheek. A silent way of simultaneously wishing him luck while also signaling that she wouldn’t be staying a second longer. She gave him one more reassuring smile before walking across the dance floor and back to her table.

Stan stood alone on the dance floor for what felt like an eternity even though it was only a few seconds, everything seeming like it was happening in slow motion. When he finally tore his eyes away from Wendy, they naturally found Kyle across the room, still at the same spot he had left him in.

Kyle turned his head and caught his eye, raising his hand in a greeting. A small timid smile on his face, looking as if he was concerned Stan might not come back to him.

Maybe it was the look in his eyes, or his almost nervous smile. It could have been the way the dim light hit him just right, or maybe it was the alcohol flowing through Stan’s blood stream. Perhaps it was the conversation with Tweek or Wendy or something Kenny had said earlier… Or maybe Stan was just finally sick of keeping his secret but, whatever the reason, he knew in that moment that it was time.

He felt his feet move before he could think about it, his eyes locked in on Kyle as he closed the distance between them. Knowing if he stopped now that he would never gain this determination back. Stan stopped his steps too close, their bodies just inches away from each other.

They were standing so close that he could smell the cologne on Kyle’s skin and see every spec of color in Kyle’s eyes as he looked back at him. There was almost an intensity between them that he couldn’t describe but he knew it felt good. So when Stan opened his mouth to speak, he spoke with more confidence than he had felt in months.

“Do you want to dance?”


End file.
